It is generally accepted that the family is the most preferable alternative to shelters and orphanages. But in the process of adaptation of an adopted child there are many difficulties, both for the child himself and for newly-made parents. The child, being rejected by his parents, gets a psychological trauma and at the subconscious level it is postponed by a sense of uselessness and loneliness. In our society there are still strong prejudices, under which often foster parents have to adjust. Therefore, this issue remains rather delicate, which is why it is important to provide support and support to both parents and children.
Another important issue that must be resolved by parents concerns the disclosure of the secret of adoption to the child: whether the child should be told that he is adopted; if so, when and how best to do it. So far, individuals are hesitant to talk about adoption openly, but even they do so with caution, fear of being misunderstood and fear of the reaction of others.
Previously, experts tended to the fact that the fact of adoption should remain a secret. Now many of them are of the opinion that it is necessary to speak, as in any case, while hiding this information, you lie to your child, and this lie generates another lie along the chain. Also this information the child can learn by chance from careless relatives or friends. In any case, the decision is for the parents.
Parents who hide from the child the fact of his adoption, thereby trying, as they think, to protect the child from a sense of rejection, loneliness. But a strong family can be built only on trust and honesty, and the presence of secrecy all aggravates life. And it is difficult to return once already lost trust. Therefore, you need to tell everything, as it really is, because then you just tell the child about how he appeared in the family. From how you yourself feel about it, will depend on the correct adoption by your child of the fact of his adoption.
Talking about adoption is similar to all other serious conversations, which sooner or later parents start up with their children, so experts advise giving out information in a dosage, in accordance with the age of the child. It is necessary to answer the child's question and only, and not tell him your point of view. As you grow up, the questions will be more difficult, but you will be able to give more information, which is necessary for understanding the essence of the matter.
When a parent tells a child about adoption in a language that he understands, the realization of the fact of adoption becomes for him an ordinary fact from his life. Sometimes children have to say the same thing several times until they can fully understand and understand it, so do not be surprised and do not get irritated if you have to tell about adoption more than once. This does not mean that earlier you explained it poorly or incomprehensibly, just the child was not yet ready to receive such information. Studies have shown that the more parents are open to discuss issues related to adoption, the easier it is for their adopted child.
If parents tell a child about the fact of adoption openly, positively, sensitively, then such an approach can help a child overcome mental pain. If you give the child to understand that you are always ready to talk openly and confidentially with him about adoption, this is the only way you can help. In a conversation, you can let him know that someone has abandoned him, and there could be many reasons for this, and this is not personally related to him, but you wanted a child and you took him to yourselves, realizing all possible difficulties, in order to grow and love it. With such a look at these events, you will not bring him a trauma, revealing the fact of adoption, but only deserve his respect and gratitude.
Psychologists do not have a common opinion, at what age it is worth telling the child that he was adopted, but most believe that it is better to do this before adolescence. Some psychologists call the age of 8-11 years, others - 3-4 years. Some experts say that the best age is when questions arise from the series "Where did I come from?" One of the options for starting a conversation about adoption, experts call the story in the form of a fairy tale. Therapy with fairy tales is a whole direction in children's psychotherapy. The value of fairy tales is that they allow you to easily start a conversation from a third person, when it is very difficult for parents to gather their thoughts and they do not know where to start. Therefore, stories and tales are a wonderful beginning for a very important conversation about adoption.
All possible articles and works on this topic give the answer that one should speak and speak openly and confidently, but at the same time delicately and by age. Each parent himself will feel by the behavior of the child, whether he does it right. The main thing is that the child must feel that, despite everything, he is very fond of. Now you know how to tell a child that he is adopted.