And what, in fact, can something like this happen? The newly-made husband tried so hard to help his wife and washed dishes, vacuumed, and, sometimes, it could be seen even after washing his own socks. And the wife all pleased her husband with something tasty, cleaned everything to shine, smoothed out her shirts. Where did their spirit of diligence go? Maybe they have already become accustomed to each other and no longer see the need to do nice things for each other, to impress each other? Why prove anything? Everyone has their own problems and difficulties, so that once they have helped each other.
When a person begins to think only of himself, then you take for granted what the other person is doing. Only that's the thing, in the family no one owes nothing to anyone. On this planet, no one is born to scrub the floors, iron the shirts and do not depart from the stove for days. And when you realize that it is appreciated and respected, only then there is enthusiasm for these actions. Many do not understand why a person needs to praise and appreciate his actions. But, if you think about this question, it becomes clear that it is twice as pleasant for every person to do anything if one praises and encourages him.
It is very offensive when they take for the due work and time that the spouses give each other. After all, you need only a kind word, and often you get not that approval, on the contrary, a reproach about something not done. Everyone knows the fact that you get used to good things quickly. Then all your work and efforts are taken for granted, and further, the relationship is reduced to discontent, reproaches and scandals. Is it really so difficult for a man, before reproaching his wife in something not done, does not know the reason for this? Maybe she needs help? Maybe she was tired of daily routine affairs, which has no end and no end. She's alive, she does not have a battery that can be changed from old to new.
We are not talking about the fact that a woman's duties need to be removed from her shoulders and to call you to clearly state her husband's duties and exchange for each other. Just want to say that women need understanding and respect from men.
Female enthusiasm in the domestic sphere is lost precisely because the husband ceases to thank her for the service or action that she is doing for him. Whether it's a cooked dinner or fulfilling a request, bring a glass of water. Men take everything for granted, and begin to demand to fall asleep with reproaches and manipulations. Sometimes it comes down to blackmail. Then the husband starts a record about "why did I get married", or "you are not a mistress." It's just insulting, because it turns out that your husband mistook the notion of "wife" and "housekeeper." But it's so simple to politely question, and then say "thank you." And the woman around you will flutter like a butterfly.
Marriage does not include the relationship of "men" and "housewives", but the union of husband and wife, who are interested in each other and they are happy with family life. Naturally, they can not escape from everyday problems, but the question is only how to resolve them. Some people can immediately agree on who is responsible for what. You can even make a certain family statute, under the title: "Husband and wife: duties to each other."
If a person is a romantic or an idealist, then he will, from the emotions and inspirations that overwhelm him, initially do more for a loved one than he will be able to do constantly in the future. If the person is an egoist, he immediately places all the dots over the "and", and makes it clear that you, then and then you will do then and then, you, without fail. Altruists, on the other hand, will shoulder almost everything on their shoulders, because they think they should or even have to do all this. And in general, it is not a burden to them. But a person of an authoritarian type of character will all control and manage all processes. His opinion is not subject to discussion, as he said (-a), so it will be, in no other way. The introvert will gradually begin to accumulate in itself a kind of discontent, that everything turned out not to be as dreamed. And the extroverts will spit out their emotions outward, expressing their displeasure over the means of quarrels.
It is very important for the family not to allow everyday problems to devour all those good and wonderful moments that were at the beginning of the relationship. One must be able to preserve vital interest, optimism, some vibes of enthusiasm, etc. And there is absolutely no need to rush to extremes. After all, if one of the spouses constantly displays his altruism, then the other has no choice but to use it. In everything you need to know the measure and respect each other.
In a family it is important to try to save the ease and tenderness in a relationship. After all, when the wife always complains, takes offense and saws her husband about and without him, she acts as a stone on her neck. Just like a husband who worries only about his affairs, cares and does not notice his and his wife and what she does for their life together. Unfortunately, we are not taught at school or at a university how to properly build family relationships, solve everyday problems or how to create a good psychological atmosphere in the home. And, while we are not taught this, everyone tries to do what has taken hold of him, without thinking about the consequences.
What actions need to be taken to resolve the existing domestic conflicts in your family? What to do if you are not satisfied with the distribution of duties in the household matter? Let's look at the models of household relations in the family and try to find the answer to the question that interests you.
Successful lady and not so successful man
If in your family you and your husband changed places in terms of the breadwinner of the family, then you need to take a very serious attitude to the distribution of household duties. You constantly disappear at work, you are the main earner to replenish your family budget, but you do not have enough time to do household chores. And her husband's working day is less tense and the income is much less. But he does not make much effort to clean up, and he can cook with pleasure.
Recommendations
Upon coming home, you found that your husband cooked dinner, he tried and wanted to make you feel good. So sincerely praise him, let him understand that you really appreciate his work and care for you. Tell him that he is one in a million and you are very lucky with him. Do not joke about the "housewives", because it is very offensive. It is very deeply seated in his soul that will not lead to anything good in your relationship with him.
Also, it is very important, on your day off, to cook your favorite dish for a loved one. Pouch after him. Let him still feel like a man in his usual state. Of course, he will be very pleased to understand that you appreciate him for what he does for you all the time, love and care. It does not hurt to think about what you yourself can do around the house on weekdays. Let it be the same washing dishes or putting the baby to bed, which is also a contribution to your overall family responsibilities. Of course, the material dependence of the wife on her husband does not bear anything good, but to overestimate the material factor at a loss to family relationships, ignoring her duties as wife and mother, is unlikely to serve as your excuse.
Housewife and workaholic
Do you do your daily work at home without restraint, and your strength is already at the limit? So, it's time to talk with your beloved husband about the distribution of household duties. Naturally, it will be necessary to take into account the fact that your spouse is working so hard outside the house. And this means, it will be unreasonable and unattainable to share the household chores exactly in half.
Recommendations
Most husbands believe that only they are tired, and the housewife wives are not.
After all, they were at work, did various assignments and leadership guarantees, and the wives were at home. And this means that having come from work, a man has the full right to a delicious dinner and rest in front of the TV.
Your request for assistance in the form of the distribution of household duties must be stated on paper, with clear arguments and a plan. This will be half the success in your negotiations with your husband. Most importantly, do not put it before the fact or put pressure on it. Here you need to consider the tone of your voice, and your mood. Present this information with positive, lightness, unobtrusive. Show your husband that you are ready to compromise, and not set to war. Try to tell your man that you want him to do something for you. If this is not difficult for him, he will certainly come to meet you and respond to your request. But you do not need to put your spouse into operation. We must appreciate his efforts and be grateful for the action he has accomplished. As a wife, it is important for you to try to balance yourself in the things you do for each other. Just do not use it.
The wife is an indefatigable cleaner, her husband a lazy cat
You do everything around the house, try for the family. And your husband is lying on the couch in front of the TV, or sitting at the computer, it does not matter. But he obviously irritates you, he pretends that you do not seem to be doing anything, you just have such a clean apartment and the table-cloth of the self-cleaning device has come from somewhere.
Recommendations
Probably, all men are convinced that the direct duty of a woman is to cook. But, as we know, no one owes nothing to anyone. Therefore, you can invite your husband to cook something himself or with you. Even if after that it will be necessary to launder the entire kitchen.
Representatives of the male hate scandals and try to avoid them in any way. If you are brewing a conflict on the basis of undivided household duties, determine the essence of the disagreement. Perhaps, it will be necessary to make mutual concessions or exchange assignments with each other, if the husband does not want to wash the floor or wipe the dust, then offer him a task that is less stressful and humiliating for him.
The case entrusted to the husband must be completely under his responsibility. Even if you instructed him to take out the trash can, be patient, do not snap it and endure it yourself. Just kindly remind him of your request and let him do it yourself.
When your husband completes the task assigned to him and you would like it to happen again, you need to react violently to the result, in some special way or something. Scatter it with a lot of compliments, kiss it, throw it around your neck, feed it with your favorite dish. And he will gladly help you many times in the future.
"Careless dragonfly" and "housewife ant"
Sometimes it happens that wives do not always rush to do household chores. They always chat on the phone with friends, spend hours in the beauty salon, shop, etc. A husband tries unsuccessfully to point out that you need to take care not only about yourself loved one, but about the family.
Recommendations
You need to talk seriously with your wife. Write down the specific responsibilities for the house that she will perform, this will indicate the seriousness of your intentions. Then in a serious conversation, present them to her for consideration. Next, you will need to be patient and help her slowly so that she gets used to her new responsibilities. Distributing your home affairs, be guided by what you know how to do better, and what your wife gets better. Or who likes to do more. Take care that your wife's responsibilities do not become yours again, do not be tempted to do yourself what your spouse should do. Sometimes it happens that she may not be able to do something, then you need to teach her, otherwise you will hear her excuses again and again.
As the husband's wife, so the husband and wife should praise and encourage for the work done, give her signs of attention. Bring up in her the habit of doing everything yourself, trusting her with more complex tasks than those she has become accustomed to. Be sure to note her efforts and achievements for the benefit of the family. These actions will act as a kind of pushing mechanism, an incentive for carrying out further duties.
Equality
Both of you, in general, are able to agree with each other. And you understand the fact that household chores should be divided as much as possible in half. Of course, it also happens that you really want to shift your responsibilities to the shoulders of a loved one. Some of you will do this once, the second one will get used to this state of affairs.
Recommendations
In the family, the wife could temporarily assume the duties of her husband, for example, during her husband's illness, was overloaded at work, helped with the housework of the mother, etc. Similarly, the spouse could temporarily add to the duties of the duties of the spouse, for example, during her pregnancy, or while she was sitting with a small child.
But time is running out, and no one is in a hurry to return the obligations you have undertaken. Probably not even going to. This means that the time has come to apply radical changes in the distribution of responsibilities. You need to talk with your soul mate, identify the reasons why your husband or wife should again become owners of their part of their household chores. If a person tries to distance themselves from them for a while without any particular reason, then concrete and uncontested actions must be applied.
For example, flatly refuse to wash her husband's socks or take out the trash can. Then he will soon understand that he should do it and no one will take out the accumulated three garbage bags instead. You can do the same with cooking. You know that his wife will come home from work, expecting you to cook dinner, tell her what you prepared last time, and today it's her turn. You will have to wait, she will work hard, but by doing this you will save her from the hope that someone will cook for her when her turn comes. Naturally, it is possible and even necessary, sometimes to make concessions to each other, especially if you are asked about it. But it is very important to ensure that these indulgences do not become a game in one gates and do not go into a systematic regime.
A man is not created for Baba work
In many families, duties are divided into exclusively female and exclusively male. In such families, the husband's beliefs that his wife needs help takes a very long time, energy and strength. All requests are perceived with hostility. As a result, the spouse is exhausted from the loads, and the duties section needs changes.
Recommendations
Men have one small secret. Each of them needs to be necessary, necessary in this or that matter. That's the secret and should use the wives, with the family foundation of such a plan. Convince him that it is better than him no one can cope with the cutting of chicken carcass, especially since he is so strong in you and will quickly help you in this matter. And in general, at all times it was men's business to cut and cook meat. Let your spouse feel like a warrior-earner.
Or, for example, bring home products from the market. Such a fragile and gentle woman just needs a man's shoulder. Women in general are contraindicated takat gravity, and your spouse is much more enduring and stronger than you, for him it's a spit. For any help your husband should be encouraged, praised and thanked.
Outcomes
On average, the household in a city house takes about 3-5 hours a day. Employment in household affairs in a childless family is about 4 hours, and in a family with a child - about 6 hours. Along with this, of course, there goes the very care for the child. And this very withdrawal, often completely falls on the shoulders of the mother.
Incomplete studies point to interesting facts related to the professional activities of women. When a woman goes to work, she spends 40-60% less time doing household chores than non-working ladies. This is not because the amount of work performed by them has decreased, but because their duration has been limited. Not bad, if the woman has helpers in the faces of her husband and children. But what if not?
The uninterrupted mode of life creates a great burden on the human psyche, which in turn can cause nervous exhaustion of the body. There is a constant feeling of fatigue. Always need to find time for rest and full sleep. To resort to the help of home equipment, home electrical appliances, which will help you make the work faster and easier.
It is very important in the family to properly allocate responsibilities in household management. Unfortunately, most families live by the principle that all matters in the household are performed by the mother, and all the other members of the family perceive them not as their own direct duties, but as small help to her. That equality, which exists at work or in society in general, is often absent in families. There basically duties are divided into exclusively masculine and only feminine. Where a man performs such individual actions as taking out a trash can or buying bread, while a woman does the rest, sometimes including clogging a nail into a wall.
Men very often believe that homework is not hard work, but only easy work. Scientific research proves the opposite. Thanks to them it became known that during the performance of household duties the load on the body is much higher than during work at the enterprise.
Also, thanks to research, it became known that only 24% of women who work, receive inconsistent help from her husband in the domestic plan, and little help from children.
The distribution of household duties is thus wrong and unfair. The family must develop its own model of behavior and mutual assistance. Some of them we outlined above. It is necessary to begin to do it right from the very beginning of a life together. Remember that overall participation, both in rest and work, undoubtedly strengthens the relationship of two loving people. That's all we would like to say on the topic "Husband and wife: duties to each other", although each family is individual and there are no universal requirements for spouses.