Have you ever thought that I spend more time with colleagues and colleagues than with my relatives and friends? Eight or more hours a day we have to live side by side (just like in bed) with the bosses, colleagues, subordinates, while the spouse, children, parents, pets get at best 4-5 hours, at the same time at all in a crowded manner. Do not you think that such a working schedule is too intimate? Perhaps, that is why so many love relationships fall on official novels. And this despite the fact that everyone understands - attitudes at work can harm both the work itself, and career or personal reputation. Nevertheless, you can not order your heart. What can I do if I have falling in love at work? Start a service romance or adhere to an unspoken code: "Do not sleep, where do you work!"?
Service tale, or Roman, which turned out to be a story
The Nautilus-Pompilius group has a song with the words: "She read the novel, and it turned out to be a story." How often they become relevant for women who decide on a service romance. Psychologists in their practice note regular cases in which women start unsuccessful novels at work and come to therapy with disastrous consequences in the form of unjustified illusions, a broken family, a ruined career, dismissal from work, etc. Nevertheless, however prosaic the service novels might end, an aura of romance will always be around them. It is pointless and useless to bring sad statistics of intimate-working relationships, paint all their risks and side effects. Working novels were, are and will be! Psychologists have only one universal advice for this case: soberly aware and consciously getting involved in love affairs at work, so that in these relationships there was no room for illusions. Before deciding to show attention to a colleague or respond to his courtship, it is necessary to clearly understand for yourself the true motives that lead the desire to make a romance with an employee:- Superiority among the reasons provoking a love affair at work, is the lack of an intimate relationship or a lack of quality sex. This applies to both single women and those who are married. Making the decision to enter into a service-romantic relationship, this reason should be deleted first. Ask yourself questions: what are you primarily looking for in this connection, and do not you confuse love with sexual hunger? If your goal is sex without obligations, go ahead! The main thing, be honest with yourself, and with your chosen one.
- A lot of love relationships at work are tied up because of the banal lack of communication and the lack of cultural leisure. In demanded women, occupying an active life position, painted every hour, which is a whole line of planned cases, meetings or visits. They believe that work and so take too much time to "bring" it to your personal life as well. Having solved the problem with interesting leisure and self-realization outside of work, you will expand your circle of communication and will be able to understand whether this "working" love really is necessary for you.
- Underestimated self-esteem is another common cause of the novels with colleagues at work. In women, it can be overweight, "non-commodity" age, uninteresting design of appearance, complexes, etc. These factors significantly reduce the chances of a woman in a love market, and the only place where she can arrange a personal life is work. Willy-nilly people are forced to communicate closely, having common working tasks, which inevitably brings them closer. In this case, women often fall in love not in a particular man, but in illusions that carry him from their fantasies and dreams. As a consequence - unjustified hopes, broken love and new complexes. Therefore, if you liked a colleague and wanted to have a relationship with him, look behind him - is it worth it for you to turn from other men? If not, maybe it's time to take up self-esteem?
What if it's hard to resist a service romance?
Psychologists advise you to taste this forbidden fruit, if you do not have the will to give it up. But do not rush into the pool with your head. First, weigh all the risks and learn the safety rules so as not to be buried under shards from broken illusions:- Remember the main rule of corporate love: do not sleep with someone who can fire you, and with someone you can fire.
- Calculate the possible consequences and allow in the minds of extremes - are you ready for such a scenario. If yes, then allow them and release. Allow yourself to enjoy official love!
- Share love and work. Let your romantic relationship do not interfere with the work, and do not work when "making love".
- Take care of your service romance from gossip. Keep it as long as possible in secret, even if you are with a man both free and can afford these relationships.
- Do not give reasons for gossip. Kissing in the smoking room or sex on the desktop is a great story for filmmakers, but not for your business reputation. Behave with each other is neutral even at corporate events.
- If you happen to fall in love with a married colleague or you are married, do not admit to a romantic connection, even in the case of frank suspicions of employees. This is your personal business, which you have the right to not discuss with anyone.
- In a service romance with far-reaching plans, everything may well end in a wedding. But this is a completely different relationship and, perhaps, to save them, one of you will have to resign. Ready?
- It also happens that love, born in the workplace, dies on it. How then to work together? If dismissal is impossible, you will have to learn to be to the ex-beloved indifferent - not to love, but not to hate. It will be insulting if the prohibited relations will become the property of the collective after they have exhausted themselves.