They seek to maintain the existing order and resist change. The younger, on the contrary, being in the role of all the sponsored, grow up adventurous, careless, open to the new. But their feelings are often contradictory, because, on the one hand, they are pets, and on the other, they are constantly lagging behind other family members, and this affects self-esteem. The average is compelled to comprehend the laws of diplomacy with young nails in order to maintain good relations with both the elder brother or sister and with the younger, so the "middle" are usually sensitive, sociable, flexible, and empathy is well developed. But the order of birth is probably not the main and not the only factor. Sex is important, the number of members in the family, the difference in age between children. The atmosphere in the family and its economic situation, the distribution of functions between mother and father and external influences greatly affect the family. But we can not disagree that the order of birth in the family greatly affects children and can contribute to the manifestation of certain traits. Individual approach to the child preschool should be based on the nature of the baby's mother.
First-born
For some time the older child occupies the position of the only one in the family (in contrast to the subsequent children), all the attention of the parents is concentrated on him, all love and care is given to him. But as soon as the child gets used to the privileged position, the situation changes. Now he not only ceases to be the only one, and he is forced to share the attention of the parents with another baby, but also with the acquisition of a new status of "eldest" gets all the heavy burden associated with him, to which he is absolutely unprepared and unwilling. Requirements for the baby sharply increase, the attitude of the parents, as a rule, also do not change for the better, after all, the mother is adapting to a new role for her. At first, the lion's share of parents' attention is paid to the baby, it is not even divided equally, so, the first-born who has got used to comprehensive care receives his portion of love either by passing or by a residual principle. Therefore, we must take care that such a change does not become, too harsh, and the demands - excessive.
Psychological picture
Pluses Most often the older child has such features as self-confidence, determination, responsibility, foresight. Older children as a whole have a higher intelligence factor than their younger brothers and sisters, because it is from them that parents expect more than from others, and that they are the younger ones. As a result, many parents develop in the firstborns: they are able to be mentors, are able to take responsibility and act as a leader. Disadvantages The burden of this responsibility sometimes turns out to be too heavy for a small person, and he develops an increased anxiety. In this period, the child is looking for the cause of the changes that have arisen, and since the kids tend to blame themselves for everything, their logical reasoning is often not in their favor. And then in the nature of the baby suddenly there is tearfulness, disobedience, there may be disturbances in sleep or various fears, the child begins to often ache or regress. The only reason is the lack of prior attention. You do not need to make a nanny from the firstborn. Remember that he, above all also a child, and then already your assistant. Show your child how much you appreciate his help, praise and support him. However, take care that younger brothers and sisters do not seriously burden the elder brother, if necessary, be ready to stand up for the protection of his personal space and his personal belongings. More often pay attention of the first-born to the advantages of his seniority. Big children are allowed more. Allow the older child to sometimes be small, sit on your hands, drink from a bottle or lie down in the crib of a younger brother.
Your interest
Let each child have his own personal toys, books and magazines, and general, for joint studies. For example, let the elder child write a magazine about ships, the average daughter - about horses, and the younger - about the life of animals, coloring or puzzles for the youngest. Encourage the children to respect each other's personal property and, if necessary, ask questions once and for all. Each kid will find a special hobby for himself, which will differ from the other. This will give you an additional reason to pay attention to the younger, middle and older children separately, looking at and reading with them their personal journals.
Average
Being average is not easy! On the one hand, the elder looks at him askew, because he deprived him of the honorary role of the only child. On the other hand, he himself does not like the third child, because he deprived him of his junior status. As a result, a storm of conflicting feelings and the difficulty of determining their status in the family. The average child does not have the opportunity to find the role of a leader, which is usually assumed by the first-born, but also does not have time to take the role of the guardian. At the same time, he will feel that the demand from him is much less than from the first-born, and this will bring up his calmness. But at the same time, he clearly lacks attention. Such a kid is forced to constantly compete with both a stronger and able elder and a helpless younger. Probably, you do not notice many achievements of the average child? After all, the "new" that the second child does, parents have already "passed" with the first, so they do not react emotionally to it.
Psychological picture
Pros: Your average child is likely to be communicative, finding attention among peer friends. Perhaps he will take the position of a peacemaker in the relationship of the first child and the youngest child, and this will develop his ability to negotiate. Usually these babies are characterized by compliance, flexibility, diplomacy, sociability. Since childhood, the average child is forced to negotiate with different people, and this is good for him, teaches to get along with everyone, be benevolent, tactful and not too assertive. The main key to the success of an average child is competence in something special. Write the child to the guitar lessons, introduce him to the origami technique and teach him to make interesting toys, help him find himself in modeling or get carried away by radio-controlled technology. Let him have no competitors in this matter, then he will gain self-confidence and respect in the circle of brothers and sisters. It would seem that the second place that the average kid takes in the family does not allow him to count on some advantages over his brothers and sisters, he is neither the youngest of this helplessness, nor the oldest with his relative independence. But you can help your child by using a "rolling alliance". With his elders, some important joint activity is brought together, for example, going to the movies. Sometimes let him be "small", let him see the cartoon along with the younger one. Show him that he, on the contrary, has the opportunity to take advantage of both ages. Even easier for those parents who have different kinds of children in the family. In this case, the status of the "average child" can be replaced by the status of "elder brother" or "younger sibling". Then the average child will be easier to perceive his position in the family, and parents determine the proportion of his benefits among children.
Praise more often
- pros
In the smallest live together carelessness, tenderness, adventurism. These children are often artistic, what they need to always remain at the center of everyone's attention. At the same time, the junior, as well as the middle one, learns to negotiate peacefully, developing diplomatic skills, because he quickly understands that the power to achieve the goal (in collision with the stronger "senior" and "middle") is ineffective. Younger children are popular with their peers and are able to get along with people.
- Minuses
The youngest is given the main attention and is forgiven more than others. Getting used all the time to rely on the help of elders, he often folds before difficulties and quickly surrenders. Often, he is deprived of self-discipline and faces difficulties in making decisions; accustomed to the constant care of relatives and understated exacting, the younger often grows lazy, infantile and dependent, can begin to show selfishness, the desire to always seek his.
Channel in the right direction
In order not to spoil the crumb, set the frame to whims and avoid excessive and unreasonable praise. But you can not be mean to "praise on credit": hang on a magnet drawing, which he diligently drew. Even if the result leaves much to be desired, such a gesture will inspire the young to new efforts. When something does not work for him and he is annoyed, support the crumb, assure that everything will turn out. Do not ignore any achievements, even if they seem obvious to you: your participation and sensitivity will strengthen his determination to learn new skills without looking at older children. Your task is to stimulate the development of the younger child and to promote the disclosure of his abilities and interests. In one way or another, the youngest tries to catch up with his elders all his life, but he will succeed only because of his own inclinations. Make sure that the younger one also takes part in household chores. If you always release the third child from worries, because "he is so small!", This will give rise to discontent among older children, complicating the relationship between children. Teach your child to work - find a primitive job that he can perform, the kid should not feel privileged special, which does not operate home rules. Do not encourage the habit of slandering and reporting to older brothers and sisters. Teach your child to look for the right words to negotiate with his brother or sister without involving adults.