The confrontation that exists between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law since the time of the creation of the world has a real explanation. Usually the older woman goes on about her temper, and the younger does not want to understand her. But why do two related souls hate each other so fiercely? After all, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law love the same man, although with different love. Whence, in this situation, is the cause for enmity taken? So, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: the psychology of relations is the topic of conversation for today.
Even if mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not outwardly show antipathy towards each other, very often their communication resembles a temporary and fragile truce or armed neutrality. And, as is known, both are fraught with destructive military actions in the future. In the opinion of psychologists, the reason for the relationship, which has long become a talk of the town, is often hidden in the personality traits of the "second mother". Therefore, all daughters-in-law who can not boast of a cloudless relationship with the husband of her husband must first determine the type of their mother-in-law, and then, with the help of expert advice, try to soften the situation. In principle, this is not so difficult. There would be a desire. After large-scale studies, psychologists divided the "evil" mother-in-law into four groups.
Domineering
It will be more accurate to call this woman the owner. This mother-in-law is absolutely sure that all her family members, that is, her husband and children, undividedly belong to her as movable property - on a par with her existing real estate, whether it's a dacha, a car or other goods of civilization.
This type of installation is fairly easy. As a rule, such a woman voluntarily assumes the functions of head of the family, and this immediately catches the eye of everyone who enters her house. But it should be noted that this usually happens with the full connivance of the male part of the family. Husbands-henpecked and mama's sons are the final product of her home expansion.
And now imagine what will happen to this woman if she arrives in the winter at the dacha and catches a bum there, or, running into the yard to the alarm sounds, grabs the slovenly teenager, who is picking at her car, by the sleeve. Yes, she will tear everyone who dares to encroach upon her personal property! And whether it is necessary to explain that in the same way she will treat the daughter-in-law, who, like an impudent thief, took and even stole from her a precious boy. Only in this case the situation is aggravated by the fact that the homeless and the hijacker can be punished with the help of law enforcement bodies and thereby satisfy offended pride. And the daughter-in-law in prison for a stamp in the passport, unfortunately, you will not put. It remains only to hold for her a stone in his bosom and live with the hope that she will someday return the stolen property as useless. Such is the psychology of relations ...
Council of the daughter-in-law
Try to be as rare as possible with her husband's mother-in-law at home. Do not encourage your husband's visits to his mother alone. But it is also bad to completely stop the relationship - this will only exacerbate your confrontation. It is best if you invite your mother-in-law more often to visit you. In a foreign territory, she will feel less confident. And the sight of your strong family nest will eventually make her accept that her son has a personal life, to which her "certificate of property" does not apply.
Jealous
There is a less common type of jealousy - when a woman is jealous of all people without exception from their immediate environment, regardless of their gender and age. The peculiarity of her character is that she has been doing this all her life. As a child, she is jealous of the teacher to a classmate, and her younger sister to her parents. Becoming an adult, jealous neighbor from the bottom to the neighbor on the side, the boss - to a colleague, and the elder brother - to his wife. And, of course, if this woman becomes a mother-in-law, she will be sure to be jealous of her son to his chosen one. Unfortunately, it is much more difficult to get rid of this feeling than from jealousy "for love". Here, food for jealousy is always - just look around and choose another object for exercises in masochism. This is the most frequent situation in which the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law - the psychology of relations based on jealousy - are given the greatest attention of specialists.
Council of the daughter-in-law
As mentioned above, psychologists do not advise psychologists to let her husband go alone to visit his mother-owner. But in this case, the recommendation will be directly opposite. Let your husband visit your mother more often alone. Let your mother-in-law fully enjoy the company of her son. Thus, your husband can pacify his mother-in-law's jealousy and create the prerequisites for your peaceful coexistence.
Weak
A woman of this type is not sure of herself. It seems to her that she is such a defenseless being that without a strong man's shoulder she can not live a day. But the circumstances are such that the shoulder is next to something and there - for various reasons. Maybe she really is a lonely person - a single mother, divorced or widowed. Or maybe she has a legitimate husband or a cordial friend, but the role of hope and support is not good. But a weak woman has an unmarried son who carries her heavy bags of groceries, carries her to a clinic and meets her near the metro when she comes back from the guests late at night. Well, how will this woman relate to the daughter-in-law, who will take possession of her son's time and will take the caring boy out of the family?
Council of the daughter-in-law
Do so that your mother-in-law does not feel a change in her status as a guardian. Continue to bring her food, repair her plumbing and see her home when she is visiting you. And do not grumble at her husband, if after work he visits his mother for an hour or two. If your mother-in-law understands that the filial attention has not become less, she will begin to treat you much more warmly.
Old-fashioned
Because of her patriarchal upbringing, this woman, with all the will, is not able to approve with approval all subsequent generations. A mini-skirt and ear-studded ear-rings of the daughter-in-law she perceives as a personal insult, and the crimson color of your hair will become the unconditional reason to declare you persona non grata in her house. She not only does not understand your musical tastes and considers immoral the views of youth on sexual relations. Such a mother-in-law is pre-arranged for the fact that a good family with a modern girl can not be created under any circumstances.
Council of the daughter-in-law
Every time you communicate with your mother-in-law, do not abuse vivid cosmetics and avant-garde outfits. And who knows, what if a classic chiffon blouse with a lace collar will like not only a strict mother-in-law? It is possible that her husband will start admiring you even more. Visit your mother-in-law together and take care of her husband. And in the conversation at the table do not scold "stagnant" times, do not use the words from youth jargon. It is possible that your humble behavior, in the end, will melt the heart of an irreconcilable conservative.