Insults to parents are the hardest. After all, a little man completely trusts the only people who make up his universe. If you do not trust your parents, then who should you trust in this world?
But all the same situations are different, and parents are sometimes forced to make terrible and harsh decisions. And the children grow up and suffer, "My parents gave me to the orphanage, which means they did not love me ..." How, to grow, to build their relationships and their family with such heavy knowledge?
To whom it is easier - to boys or girls, the senior or younger?
It is difficult to say who is easier to adapt in real life. After all, the statement "my parents gave to the orphanage" is equally difficult for those who came to the shelter at an early age, and - who is older. The need to give a child is not an easy test for parents, but this step is even more a test for the child.
Of course, both boys who did not know the father's example and girls who did not recognize the mother's caress could become successful in life. Or to finally learn the joy of finding a new family - if you are lucky with foster parents.
Very much affects the future life and life in shelters, and the atmosphere itself. Often they are so far from ideal that the phrase "my parents gave to the orphanage" is not just a statement of fact, but a bitter, harsh inevitability - to live up to 18 years with other same poor people without recognizing family comfort.
The transfer of parental rights to a special institution and the move to a shelter are perceived as an insult to the parents by both boys and girls. And even in the more mature age, when they solve their vital problems on their own, every now and then the astonishment of those around them - colleagues, friends: "Did your parents give you to the orphanage?" It's like the brand that they are labeled.
Of course, friends and acquaintances, society as a whole understand that orphans are not outcasts. They also create families, work. But the tragedy "I was sent to the orphanage" by the red thread runs through the entire life of the person - both children's and adult.
How to deal with this?
Remember that many children have despotic parents . And if caregivers in orphanages can be educated rather harshly, or not paying attention (which children also perceive very hard), outwardly successful children in families where both parents work can do nothing. Tyranny will last until the children turn eighteen and they literally run away from home - they will leave to study, get married, settle down at the plant, where they will be given a hostel.
"Home" children are more dependent. If the sheltered children are forced to solve really adult issues early, to cope with the harsh life, then some "home" girls before retirement are ready to go under the handle with their mother.
Develop skills
If you are not used to living in a family, do not make one serious mistake. Do not marry and do not create a family, not thought out as it should, as there is. After all, you'll have to live under one roof. You will have not "our" for twenty or thirty people, but "mine."
Careful attitude to property, the ability to negotiate is not "in a bad way" - by force, but in a good way, the ability to cook, guide and maintain cleanliness is all the skills gained. And before to be with each other, it is necessary to specify in detail how to solve all these household issues.
And yet, unfortunately, the same advice can be given to most people who grew up in the family. Especially for those who had too caring mother and grandmother. Consider this when you think of sinking about your past in the past.
What's important is not what they did to you ...
... The important thing is how you live with it. How to cope right now. Starting conditions - the security of the family, the nature of the parents - no one chooses himself. So, it's important how you live right now.
- And if you feel like you have something to give - take it yourself.
- When you need it, pity yourself for your mother.
- When required - educate yourself for your dad, get out for a morning run or take a worthy place in the company.
So, despite the starting conditions, you are able to make yourself. Even if you grew up in an orphanage or for some time there were. To be offended, sorry and permanently "stuck" in those times is not just unproductive - but disastrous.
While you regret, mourn, get angry - life goes by. Valuable, full-weight days, weeks ... of the year. Which you could spend with much more pleasure than now.