With low self-efficacy, you can, for example, long refuse the proposed position, without feeling confident that you will cope. With weak self-esteem, you look timidly around, concerned about the reaction of others, how will they react to your actions - will they approve or condemn? And again, do not move forward. Hey, the train can leave without you! Where do we start to correct the situation? Yes, sticking to these principles is not easy. Who wants to admit his imperfection, control his emotions and, taking an action, take full responsibility for the consequences on himself? But acquaintance with the "real" begins with these simple steps. To begin to respect yourself, you need to know yourself, is not it? And to increase their "cost" psychologists advise it with self-esteem: if you bring it back to normal, self-efficacy and self-esteem will grow by themselves.
Respect
Self-esteem is unconditional. This is the basic setting: "I'm good to myself". It does not depend on the opinion of your beloved about your appearance, your mother's judgments, about the cutlets you have prepared and the boss's reasons for the quality of your performance of your duties. Also, your real achievements also do not play a role: the ability to play well on the guitar, three children and the position of a senior manager. The basic part of self-esteem is formed in the childhood by parents and in the finished form is carried through adult life. Those, in whom it is laid, will appreciate themselves even on the background of very modest social merits. And to stop the slightest attempts of others to doubt oneself. The conditional part of self-esteem mostly depends on personal achievements and is much more closely related to self-esteem or others. That is, you are able to set a goal and achieve it, whatever it may be (defending a dissertation or masterly cross-stitching of paintings), but your self-esteem will really increase only if it is a public success. However, there are not so many people who have been lucky with their parents' attitudes, and personal merits of a good level. Well, let's work on building "the most-to-be-respect"!
Task number 1
Give yourself 20 priceless definitions (I am a mother, I am a motorist, etc.). As a rule, the most significant in the internal rating are the first 5-7 positions. For example, if in the first line you indicated that you are a mother, and in the tenth - a "mistress", then it means that in the role of a mother you feel 10 times more confident than in the role of a mistress. Maybe it's worth developing this (and other "neglected") facets of your self?
Task number 2
Give 20 answers to the question "What kind of self?", That is, evaluate yourself: "I am kind, harmful, lazy (generous), generous (economical) ..." Be as sincere as possible (nobody will see this list anyway!) and get your detailed description. And now think about what characteristics you are comfortable with, and on what it is worth working on. Self-talk like "I'm the most charming and attractive" really work! Especially if you sincerely imbued with them. The word is material! Scientifically proven: autogenic training can have a beneficial effect even on the endocrine and immune systems of the body, and even on the growth of self-esteem and even more so!
Stage 1
■ I accept my mistakes, experiences and sufferings - this is also a part of my life.
■ I am learning to adequately perceive trouble: I experience them exactly as much as they deserve.
■ I save my energy for today and future bright days. I refuse to spend it on experiences from the past or expectation of possible troubles.
I live in the present and believe in my future.
■ I know that everything bad will necessarily change to good.
I feel satisfaction from overcoming difficulties.
If most installations correspond to your self-perception or, at least, do not cause you to protest, then you are trying to maintain an optimistic level of perception in yourselves, which is impossible without love and respect for yourself. "Difficult" installations must be "digested" and "digested." Repeat them every day, preferably in front of a mirror, for a week (two, three, months ...) until they get accustomed to your head as your own. And do not forget to compare your everyday thoughts and actions with these formulas, adjusting the first to the second.
2 stage
■ I encourage myself even for minor achievements in order to have the strength to develop further.
■ I do not belittle or exaggerate my achievements for the sake of self-admiration or for someone to please.
■ Attention and gratitude of others around me are pleasant, but I know how to find internal points of support.
If these formulas exactly fit into your ideas about yourself, then your self-esteem is indisputable, dependence on other people's assessments is within the limits of the norm, and self-esteem is close to adequate. If not, imbue with the meaning of the settings and repeat them daily until you become attached to them.
Stage 3
■ I believe that my destiny depends largely on my own efforts.
■ Facing obstacles, I mobilize all my strength to cope with stress.
■ I can live any day as I want.
When these settings cease to cause you doubt or rejection, you will be able to affirm that you have reached a high level of self-confidence and no longer obey the circumstances.
4 stage
■ I know how to set goals and find ways to achieve them.
■ In my life, I distinguish the main thing from the secondary.
■ I listen to my feelings, but do not let the negative feelings take over me.
If you accepted these axioms, then you are capable of self-guidance, and this is another indisputable reason for self-esteem. If, for now, you are not very confident in setting priorities, do not always bring the conceived to the end and allow tactical errors on the way to the goal, then you should often refer to these settings.
With the motto of life
Any of these "mantras" can become the motto of your life. Write it beautifully on a colored cardboard, draw and place in a prominent place. If the slogan is chosen correctly, it will help change your life for the better. If, of course, you will not just admire him, but daily take small steps, but steps towards the goal.