I want to share a story about how I worked in the police, and this work destroyed my personality in the dust. It's good that later I managed to build myself anew!
The idea of becoming a policeman was prompted by my mother, who was very much afraid that I would not be unemployed at any stage of my life. I always wanted to draw and earn it for living, only my parents did not allow me to do this. Break through the crowd of boys and girls at the entrance to the institute of the Ministry of Internal Affairs was quite difficult, but I, with my past honors pupil, basketball players and the character of firebrick, managed to sit at the desk of the law-enforcement institution. No matter how hard it was for me to study, I always hoped that when I came to work, everything would change for the better.
After four years of jeering and competition in authority among the rank and file sergeants, I received the officer's shoulder straps of the lieutenant, sighed with relief, and went to work as an investigator. At first I worked in another city, where all the salary went to pay for living and food, but quickly transferred to my native village, again moving to live with my parents.
Having learned to smoke before work in the city, every day I started with a smoking-room at the threshold of the militia, where a good group of men from our branch was gathering. Noise, din, cackle, smoke - so we raised our spirits before work. Then everyone hurried to the meeting room on the third floor, and I, in a dress and shoes, among a huge stream of men, walked up the stairs, catching on themselves interested looks.
My mother always taught me how to dress nicely, to paint, even before going out for bread to a store through a couple of houses. In the department, I did not lag behind the rules of beauty. The form of the investigator could be worn only on duty, the rest of the time I wore a "citizen". It's clear that in the men's team, where, besides me there were several women, much older, I was paid attention over the edge. Both married and unmarried daily did not miss the moment to smoke with me on a cigarette, drink coffee, or just messing about that in my office. Even at the briefings, the chiefs did not particularly ask me the basic orders and articles of the laws (although I knew them all by heart), and often just smiled and even winked.
Of course, attention flattered me. But at first I was pretty cold with everyone, because I had a guy whose relationship lasted for the fourth year. Everything went to the wedding.
Did not get it.
Communication at work with men developed according to a simple scheme. As an investigator, I gave them instructions, with some quarreled because of their refusals to do this or that job, some made concessions, because they were too grown-up and authoritative for a young girl in epaulets. In general, staying mostly in the men's team since the first day at the institute, I used to be strong, strict and sober to look at things. I was offended when I, as a novice investigator, made mistakes, and one of the employees, seeing this, was laughing, and then passed the story of my defeat to everyone around. Issues of authority in the collective of the police, later - the police, never change their special importance. There are only two ways out: either you are a laughingstock and carry it with you in your service, or you are a serious employee, to whom you are listened. Hold in the middle of this boat is impossible, especially the girl, which men, according to the old good traditions of gender inequality, will be considered a fool.
Especially difficult was the communication on the day, when staying on duty, in an empty department, had to be nominated for an exit with his group. Of course, in the investigative-operative group there were only men. Usually it was a driver, an operative officer, a district officer. In addition, the duty officer and his assistant always stayed in the office. The composition of the groups changed every time, but always among the men were those who did not miss the moment to give me attention. By attention I mean not ordinary communication, but trite jokes, hints, even the dismissal of hands. Fortunately, I preferred the uniform pants of the skirt.
Over time, due to the collective degradation, I began to communicate in their language. Nowhere beyond listed did not go, but this was enough to maintain interest.
A year later I successfully manipulated my employees not only in working moments, like "bring-print-interrogate", but also in personal ones, quietly demanding that someone who came into the office run away for coffee, sweets or even medicines. Of course, at their expense. My arrogance grew day by day, and no one was going to stop me. Men all arranged, the ladies in a snake whispered behind their backs, but I rarely communicated with them, and parents and a guy, of course, did not know anything. My friends did not care what I do in my police department, the main thing is that they should see them at least once every two days.
All those disadvantages that I acquired at work were also from the fact that I always stayed in the same environment. Working from eight in the morning, and leaving home by eight or nine in the evening, or staying on duty, I talked mostly with my team. I'm used to them, they are used to me. It seemed to me that it was in traveling to the scene of an accident, conflict, blood, drugs, weapons and other rubbish that life is what it is - naked and real. I did not need another life.
This rate had a negative impact on my sympathy for people. The guy began to seem very boring. Breaking into the next criminal adventure, I no longer denied the thought of betraying him with someone from the investigative and operational group. And after a couple of committed sins, I decided to ignore it and live as I now thought it was right: giving myself to work, to my whims, determined that family and homeownership are completely not mine. Professional cretinism in emotions and feelings has reached its limit, after watching enough of the death and deprivation of people who see day after day, coming to their calls, or taking in their office, almost no emotion I no longer felt.
It was strange that I managed to keep all the facts of my communication secret and maintain a good moral image.
Little by little I got carried away with my game with men, I switched from single to married, who were not at all inclined to embark on a romantic adventure. My choice fell on a man older than me by 15 years. His position in the police can not be called successful. By rank he was below me, as well as height. We were completely different: he liked chanson, I - rock, he loved backgammon and beer, I - computer games and wine. I could easily crush him in an intellectual dispute, but because of this he did not lose interest for me. His impudent character - that's what bribed me
Word for word, coffee for coffee, step by step - and we are already in the same bed, that is, on the couch in my office. Now it's very disgusting for me to think about those times, now I'm not that I did not pay attention to it, I would be turned off only by the look of the wedding ring on my finger. But at that time I did not care for circumstances and moral values, the main thing - indulgence to my whims. Meetings became more frequent. At first, it was in the evenings just at work and on my watch. Later meetings were held in neutral territory.
I will remind you that I live in a settlement, and to hide here something is a very difficult task that can not be accomplished. Especially for careless impudent girls who need to keep a decent face in front of the public in their work. When he decided to leave the family, this was the last straw for his wife. She guessed about his adventures long before his loud statement of resignation. She even guessed, to whom these adventures are directed. It turns out that I was not the first with whom he changed it, but the first one, which was delayed for a long time and almost did not take him away.
Our break was painful for me not because I had to break up with him, but because of how it happened. His wife turned to my parents through her parents, telling them the whole nasty story. Parents, before that, still considering me a normal sensible person, were shocked. A terrible scandal raged all night, for many days I could not communicate normally with my mother or with my dad. I was disgusted with myself.
And it did not stop me.
We continued to meet secretly. Moreover, I began to meet with another married man. And at that time I was still meeting my boyfriend. There were evenings when, from a date with one, I hurried to the second, and then to the third.
This sodomy lasted a couple of months, when one evening, when I lit a cigarette near the window of my office, I suddenly saw everything from the side. This "suddenly", strangely enough, appeared thanks to my mother. In a phone call, she could not stand to see me in a bad light and asked: "What if your daughter was like this?" Inside me, a huge, lascivious lascivious monster waved a pen, showing me my true face.
I could not tell them in person - I wrote to all three that I stop talking with them.
Also has stopped.
I began to return to normal life. I stopped flirting with co-workers and playing with them in a puppeteer and a puppet. I gave myself completely to work, but I always returned to my parents before they went to bed to see them and talk to them. With friends at that time, I no longer talked - they are tired of waiting for me from my dates. Parents helped me more out of the pit of degradation.
And when, from a hideous creature in a rumpled form, I turned into a normal person with even shoulder straps, my future husband appeared on the horizon, from which I now wait for the child. Life has completely changed and it has improved.
By the way, my husband is also a policeman - something remained unchanged.