The older child is a stranger among his

A second child is born in the family, parents are incredibly happy, everyone laughs, everything is fine. And no one often pays attention to the full tears of the elder's eyes. Moreover, they do not listen to him, they dismiss him, they do not notice him. What often does the first-born hear in his address? Something like "you already won, you can do it yourself", "you're big, why are you doing this?", "Give it, it's small!" And then the parents are surprised sincerely why the older, previously so calm and affectionate child , suddenly began to show aggression, became uncontrollable, nervous and leading himself not always adequately.

Statistics are silent: every 4th death of a baby up to a year is due to an older child. Not because of his accidental interference, but because of his deliberate influence. This is not just childish jealousy, but a serious deviation in the psyche. And they are to blame for this, no matter how hard it is to recognize it, parents themselves. Always. Disasters can be avoided, children can become friends for life. And do it even before the birth of the youngest. Must before, not after.

Aggression of the elder. Why does it appear ?

The birth of a little brother or sister is a cardinal revolution in the life of the first-born. And, at any age. The older child is confused and frightened, because now he has to live his own personal space, his favorite toys, and most importantly - to divide for two the love of his mother and father. Here the main thing to understand: a child can enjoy such changes, because he loves. Childish jealousy (the distinction from an adult) always generates love. If the baby is not able to love, he will not show signs of jealousy. That's just jealousy does not imply cruelty and aggression! To think that childhood aggression is normal, that this "will pass by itself" is the destiny of adults who are offended by intellect.

A child's age is scary to be pushed into the background. Even if seniors, twelve, fifteen, he needs to feel necessary and important, loved and significant. While he was the only one in the family, he fully possessed and enjoyed the parental attention, everyone was at the cutting edge of his development, gave him time at the slightest need. The family for the child is the universe, and the first-born always feels like its center. And it appears that someone pretending to be a more important, more significant and loveable. Many mothers exclaim: "My elder is already big, he understands everything and is not jealous of the little one." Believe, it not so. It is a mistake of most adults to think that the elder grew up and does not need attention and care.

In the first-born 3-6 years, the birth of a baby often breeds internal complexes, they say, the parish gave birth to a second child - I do not like them. The senior seriously thinks that he is not good enough, since mom and dad decided to replace him with another. It is self-same that parents themselves often support this complex with their own casual statements. For example, my mother exclaims to the kid's address: "What an ugly, handsome, clever fellow, he understands us so well! But (the name of the firstborn) at his age could not do that. " This is a blow below the belt for the older child, because he can not return and "fix" his mistake, change, become better and more developed. The child falls into a depressed state, he suffers, he is hurt and hurt. Such resentment remains with a person for life.

The main mistakes of parents

1. Too little difference in age. The two-year-old baby is not so hot as he copes with his fears, emotions and emotions. He is not able to immediately fulfill his mother's strict demands placed on him (do not scream, do not touch the baby);
2. Lack of attention and parental care. The position "you are big, you can do it yourself". This motivation can be expensive in the aftermath of all family members;
3. Excessive requirements. Many parents are trying hard to make a nanny from an older child. It seems that they will instill a sense of responsibility and teach them to love small children. It is better not to pretend to be great mentors and not to demand too much of the backward.

How to avoid conflict between children

1. The difference between children should not be less than three years.
2. The second child should be cured with the first child.
3. Provide (no matter how hard) the same amount of attention to both children. Connect to this all members of the family - father, grandmother, aunts. Let them take care of the elders, show off with the baby, or vice versa - sit with the little one until you talk to the oldest child.
4. Urge the old thought that being great is great and honorable. For example: "You can already go with your dad to the movies, but the little one can not yet."
5. If the old man suddenly wants to be a little "baby" - do not bother him in this. Modern, the eldest will understand that he is loved and the way he is. The need to imitate the little one will disappear.
6. Try to make friends with children. Show the elder that he can teach many useful things to the little one, and let the little one know that the elder can give him a lot. Seeing that the parents love them equally, the children will get on well.
7. Do not change the habit of the firstborn, which was formed before the birth of the youngest. If, for example, the senior is accustomed to fall asleep after reading a fairy tale - read to him and after the birth of the child.
8. Never take things away from the elder, do not occupy his territory. If you want to give a little toy to an older one, seriously ask permission from him. If the child is against - do not insist.

Children do not be angry and not aggressive. We make them like adults. Adolescent jealousy is reversible and not so terrible, if you act reasonably and correctly. With the effort, you will be able to make your children real friends for the whole life. To be sure that "in case of what" they will be together forever and forever support each other.