What are the true reasons for our fear of loneliness and how to get rid of it? In most cases, loneliness is perceived by us as a negative feeling, moreover it is considered that if a person is lonely, then he is unhappy. But is it possible to perceive this state so uniquely? The problem of women's loneliness in Russia is now very relevant. We'll figure it out.
Your Perception
So, what is loneliness from the psychological point of view? Loneliness is defined as a person's socio-psychological and emotional state, connected with the absence of relatives, or with fear of their loss, or with a lack of positive emotional ties with people as a result of forced social isolation. And what follows from this? And the fact that we create our own loneliness is nothing but our inner state, how we perceive ourselves and others. Psychologists distinguish two kinds of loneliness: positive-solitude and negative-isolation of a person. Another typology divides loneliness into an explicit and implicit one. The simplest and most graphic example of apparent loneliness is Robinson Crusoe, who spent 28 years on an uninhabited island and did not communicate with anyone. It is worth noting, I wanted to communicate, but there was nobody. Much more often in our real world, loneliness still manifests itself in an implicit form, when a person is constantly surrounded by people, communicates with them, but feels some alienation. People who are around, by and large do not need him, he does not feel emotional attachment to them and can easily live without communicating with them for the rest of his life.
Escape from the Shadow
In fact, the fear of loneliness is primarily a fear of looking into yourself. Remember how often in a bad mood you rush to the phone, dial a friend's saving number and go along with her in a cafe to chat, most importantly - do not remain alone. In the end, going, meeting, talking, but it does not become easier for you, you feel an alienated alienation of a person, the conversation is not interesting to you, even though you support the conversation - a wave of loneliness covers your head. But you go on: walk late, then go to a party with friends, there, overpowering yourself, communicate, but at the same time you feel even more alone. What is the reason? You run away from yourself, trying to fill the emptiness that is not at all interesting events and people for you, instead of honestly looking at the truth in your eyes. Yes, of course, you have a good reason, but you can not escape from yourself. It's the same as running from your shadow. But the shadow will still catch up with you, and so on ad infinitum. And meanwhile the exit is very close - it is only necessary to calm down, stop to rest from this crazy marathon, as the shadow merges with you, will become a part of yourself. This is the essence of loneliness. Do not run away from yourself, sit down for a second, even in an empty apartment, feel your loneliness here and now, understand the causes of pain, try it out in full - open this feeling, let in the heart. And in time it will merge with you, then cease to bring pain and disappear, dissolving in other, more important feelings, desires and experiences. By the way, our soul is not afraid of loneliness, unlike reason. For her it is much more terrible not to feel genuine feelings, not to know why she lives in this world. This is the root cause of all the depressions, neuroses and other mental illnesses, the absence of the meaning of life and its path. In a person's life there must be a business for which he lives, and it can be different: from drawing oil paintings and embroidering a cross to designing skyscrapers in the center of the capital, the main thing is that it completely absorbs you, relaxes and gives you strength to live. And then love, friendship and success will come. Believe, know how to wait - everything has its time!
Size of loneliness
"The big city is a great loneliness," Victor Hugo said when Paris, then the cultural capital of the world, swallowed it. He looked at the essence of the problem back in his century, and by the scientists of the 20th century it was proved that in big cities people really feel much more lonely than in the provinces. And the reasons are clear - here people in pursuit of money, their own personal happiness, career, success simply cease to notice the world around. People cease to exist for each other, become an abstraction, a mass with which you can go to a new stage of your personal happiness. But sooner or later such a person will also have to stop to rest, and then he will find that around him emptiness has formed. In large cities, people are increasingly consulting with psychologists. If your life is moving in such a sad direction - do not panic, it's never too late to change. The main thing - to want to change, and then the world around, no matter how trite it sounds, will change. And it's not so difficult to do it. How? The rules are simple.
Feelings meet
"Woke up in the morning, washed - and immediately put order on your planet," - so advises the Little Prince to do in the book of Exupery, a little man who for 104 pages of the book has never experienced solitude. Why? Because the first and most important step to never being lonely is not to lose yourself, to remember your plans and desires, to carry out your own actions, to charge yourself with positive energy and share good mood with others. After all, everything in our lives is from excess, especially feelings. If you are overwhelmed by love, sooner or later it will pour over the edge, you will be so overwhelmed by it, that you will want to share it with others, and what kind of loneliness can there be ?! Feelings, by the way, are easily transferred from one person to another, therefore it is enough to you to smile, and the person opposite will also smile in response. The truth is simple: the more you give to this world, the more you return, the only condition is to do it free of charge. Believe me, life is such an exciting and interesting thing that for loneliness there is simply no time or place!