Will come with time
Do men have a call of nature, a desire and a need to continue their kind, to care for their offspring? The opinions of specialists on this issue were divided. Some believe that the strong sex is inherent, rather, the sexual instinct that moves to reproduction, and the installation "A man must build a house, plant a tree and raise a son" is already a social program. Others are sure: it exists! This theory is confirmed by numerous examples of fathers-lads in the animal kingdom (they were certainly not taught to anyone other than nature itself!). Still others specify: the instinct for caring for the posterity is equally enjoyed by all regardless of gender, but in women it is more pronounced. After all, girls are initially more family oriented and have children (thanks to social expectations and upbringing), in addition, the future mother has nine months to get used to the new role. Thus, if a woman has the origin of a "parent" rather biological, then a man has a social origin and comes with time, like any kind of truth and fiction about his father's instinct.
Rehabilitation of paternity
If science proves that the father's instinct exists, then why is this phrase often used in an ironic context? Especially anthropologists (Margaret Mead): "Fathers are a biological necessity and a social accident." Why, unlike the glorified maternal instinct, is the father still in doubt? There are several reasons.
Traditional ideas about the male and female roles, transmitted to the child in the process of education. "Only girls are playing dolls!", "What kind of veal tenderness?" - if a boy hears such phrases constantly, it is unlikely that in the future he will consider "fussing" with the baby for man's care.
Social expectations - until recently in society there was a disdainful attitude toward men engaged in households and children (they were endowed with offensive nicknames: a woman, a rag, not a man). The model of the "attentive pope" was socially disapproved, and therefore the father's instinct was often unconsciously suppressed. / Dogma about the unconditional maternal priority in the development of the child, which has been established in the system of education. In an industrial society (where the father's main role is the breadwinner and breadwinner), this took place. However, do not forget that until the beginning of the XIX century, most men worked at home (or nearby) and took a very active part in the life of the family and children - it was on them that the educational (rather than entertaining, as it is today) function hung. In general, for millennia, patriarchal culture defined the father as the most competent parent responsible for what kind of people his children will grow up. Therefore, all moralizing "educational" books on how to enlighten the younger generation in Russia were addressed to the fathers!
Fact!
Scientists have found in the blood of men a hormone responsible for the formation of truth and fiction about the paternal instinct. It is oxytocin (in the female body it controls the labor and the lactation process). If its number reaches a certain point - the man is ready for paternity. However, the problem is that this moment, as a rule, comes about to 35-40 years ... And in life dads become much earlier!
Now is the time to turn to historical memory and awaken in fathers a slightly dozing parent instinct. Moreover, the first swallows already exist: modern fathers tend to actively participate in the upbringing of children. Today, the pope who is present at birth or sitting with the baby in a decree is a reality.
Education of the senses
To awaken the call of nature in your beloved is never too late. Perhaps, at the initial stage, it is worth taking a closer look at it. The husband also does not persuade "to give birth urgently to the child", but the heat concerns to another's children and small living creatures like puppy-puppies? And at a party, covered with children, happy to make crocodiles from plasticine or paper boats? Definitely our man!
The next important step is pregnancy. Fathers are waiting too! Even if you do not show your mind. If a woman at this stage correctly builds relationships (shares arising questions, anxieties and joys, tells about her feelings), the man is gradually preparing for his new role. It's scary ... but I wonder how! Read special literature, listen to the knock of the baby's heart, feel his first movements ... How soon the pope ripens - it's hard to say. Some men feel like fathers from the moment of conception, others are transformed, for the first time taking a child in their arms, someone will need several months for this.
For the early awakening of the father's instinct, it is necessary, according to American psychologists, to observe a number of rules.
Early start: the earlier the father will be involved in caring for the child, the better. Confidence in success: does mom know everything? But she is not the only expert who takes responsibility for all aspects of the baby's life. At the daddy for certain something turns out better - a bathing, walks, dynamic gymnastics and so on.
Openness in the expression of their feelings: fear, doubt, disappointment - this happens to everyone. It is important to discuss everything together, but not to keep within. Studying the child: the experience comes in the process of communication.
And most importantly for the pope - just to be there and ... act! Like this!
According to the results of numerous studies on the truth and fiction about the paternal instinct, the kids, not deprived of their father's attention, are curious and adapt quickly in society. They often smile, willingly share toys and more meaningfully manipulate them. Obviously, the sons of caring and dads involved in the process of education, growing up, themselves become the same. And if the father was cold? It does not matter: often this stimulates the boy's compensatory process, and in the future he seeks to become such a father he did not have, and of which he dreamed.
Exemplary dads
Careful dads in living nature - a very common phenomenon. Fathers-penguins independently hatch chicks (for two months!) And even feed the kids (a special juice that is produced in their stomach and esophagus). Papa-sea som wears eggs in the mouth, while two weeks without eating and closing the mouth (!) - suddenly someone from the kids accidentally crush? There are even unique fathers who themselves ... have children! For example, a male seahorse bears caviar in a special brood bag, in which embryos develop due to nutrients from their father's blood, and then, ripe, tear the bag from the inside.
By the way , in the "high" class of mammals of caring fathers, alas, the least (for comparison: among feathered such - 90%). The maximum that the monkey-dad can do is to play with the children or get food. And some fathers are dangerous, for example: for a lion-father (like a bear, a tiger, hyenas), to kill a cub to death in the process of playing (or out of jealousy) is a common thing.