According to psychologists, first of all it is necessary to seriously reconsider their incomes and find means for a rented apartment. This is especially important for young spouses. While you still get used to each other, you do not need a third one. But if you do not have any equipment yet, there is always a choice with whom close relatives to share shelter.
Visiting grandmother
The best option is to live with grandparents in one apartment. After all, it's been noticed for a long time that grandmothers and grandchildren get along better. In addition, quite often for grandparents, care is needed, and this is a noble cause. However, not everything is so smooth. Firstly, both grandmothers and grandfathers can be not only sweet, but also moody, scandalous, and even frankly harmful. And, secondly, caring for sick people can also be a great test both for you and for your relationship with your husband.
Therefore, your task is to show that you are not the little girl who came to visit your grandmother as a guest, but an adult woman who is able to take responsibility for her life. If you decide to live together in one apartment with aksakals, remember: grandparents, no matter how capricious they are, are much older than you and require respect. Do not try to convince the grandmother that the underwear does not boil now, but use the powder. Let her live in her world and act as she is comfortable, and do as you see fit. Do not offend the elderly inattention. Do not give up on the food that your grandmother prepared for you, or for the housework that the grandfather offers you.
However, do not let your grandmother or grandfather sit on your neck. Otherwise your family life will turn into a banal existence. Do not allow older relatives to monitor your arrivals and departures, or take away your free time. Sometimes a serious and strict conversation with the older generation can be an effective measure. Old men are big manipulators. Do not pay attention to the phrases: "I gave everything to you as a child," "You all want my death," "Here I die, and you will feel better" - translate the conversation into other topics. If you care for a sick person - do not take all the responsibility to care for yourself. It is better to divide the duties in half with your husband and do not forget about your marriage.
With the mother-in-law under one roof
To exist together with the mother-in-law in one apartment is a whole art of compromises. After all, two landladies find it difficult to get along in one apartment. "You do not cook like that!" What kind of enthusiasm is a healthy lifestyle? My son loves meat with fat! You're raising the child the wrong way. You dress him badly, and he's always sick! Why does your husband stay at work? Probably, he is not too good with you "- you can endlessly quote the mother-in-law.
The naughty mother-in-law, multiplied by her husband's infantilism, is able to stop the existence of any family. You will have to spend a lot of strength and patience to conclude an allied agreement with your mother-in-law. You need to compromise. Resign yourself to this fact. It is you who came to the home of mother-in-law and father-in-law and therefore simply can not establish their own laws there. However, this does not mean that you must completely submit to your husband's mother. Yes, somewhere (for example, in matters of everyday life) you will need to do what your mother-in-law requires. However, in your relationship, in matters of raising children and even in decorating the room in which you live, the husband's parents should not interfere.
Have pity on your husband and do not tell him all the hassles with his mom. He can hardly always be on your side. Be wiser: try not to respond to the jokes of your mother-in-law, agree with it, promise to think and act in your own way. And in any case do not start talking about the mother of her husband from direct charges. "I respect your mother, but I would like to ..." - that's the correct wording.
If at home your husband does not care much about cleanliness, and you are used to the fact that everything should shine in the apartment, enlist the support of the spouse and start to put things in order together. However, do not even think of remaking her husband's parents. They will not change, and you just waste time and nerves. Finally, find positive qualities in your husband's parents and love them. Phrases "I wanted to consult with you", "How do you feel", "What do you think ..." will surely help you to find the key to the heart of your mother-in-law and father-in-law.
"Do not look everywhere for enemies." If you accept as an axiom that neither your relatives nor your close husbands wish you harm, it will become much easier to live.
- Do not forget about your small, but the most important family. Remember that your goal is not to find out who is the boss in the house, and not to sever all relationships with the mother-in-law, but to keep the relationship.
- Do not cultivate your grievances. If you will tell everyone and everywhere about the abusive parents of your husband or complain about your "caring tyrants", then this will only intensify your anger.
Mother dear
It is believed that it is much easier to live together with your mother in one apartment than with your mother-in-law. But in this case, you risk not getting rid of parental care. Your mother will find it difficult to understand your growing up. Well, you - give up the role of an infantile daughter, for which everything is decided by the parents, or get rid of the feeling of control. In addition, life in the mind of the parents clearly does not contribute to strengthening relations with her husband.
First of all, you need to break the so-called "emotional cord" that connects you with your mother. You are an adult woman and should be responsible for your family. Yes, you need both help and advice from your mom, but you make all the decisions yourself. In order not to fall under the influence and hyper-care of your mother, you will need to take on some of your household duties. Involve her husband in solving family problems. He is not a lodger, but a full member of the family.
Do not discuss with your mother your relationship with your spouse. And do not dedicate your husband to all the details of a difficult childhood. Everyone, including parents, has the right to make a mistake. You are already an adult, and therefore enough to look for the roots of problems, it's time to solve them.
Who is living in teremochke lives?
Grandmother and grandfather sleep in the kitchen, mother and father in the living room, you and your husband and child in the bedroom, and your sister with the next boyfriend and two children from previous marriages in the so-called children's? If this situation is similar to yours, then you know firsthand about the skirmishes between men, the constant claims of women in the kitchen, children's tears and the total lack of personal space. For the residence of numerous relatives together in one apartment there are rules of a hostel. Until your housing problem is resolved, you will have to live according to the rules of the hostel. Resign yourself to this and try to find pros. As studies show, children, who grew up in front of several generations of relatives, are more confident in themselves.
The fact that you still do not spoil relations with your family together with your husband, says that you have a wonderful family. And now the bad news: the older your children become, the more difficult it will be for you, and them, and all other inhabitants of the apartment. Therefore, study the regulations of your region of residence and try to queue up for municipal housing. It is best to consult a specialist in housing matters. Perhaps you are suitable for a preferential housing program.
Remember: you do not need to create coalitions within the same family. Today you and your mother are discussing your sister and her new boyfriend, tomorrow they are "friends" against you and your husband. Try to soften all conflicts, and even better not to go into other people's business.
Do not discuss relatives in the presence of children. Your relationship can change, and kids, and especially teenagers - can take a clear position. In addition, children can use scandals and quarrels of relatives to manipulate them. Organize space in the apartment so that each member of the family has a secluded nook.
Immediately should specify the issues of cooking and cleaning, when you live together in the same apartment. Some families find it more convenient to take off for food and cook one by one at a time. Someone is more suitable option with separate power. In this case, it is necessary to draw up a schedule of presence in the kitchen and, of course, cleaning. The main thing is not to take everything too seriously. Even if someone breaks the rules, there is nothing criminal in this. After all, you do not live with strangers. Is this not an excuse to be a little more tolerant, learn to close your eyes to something and peacefully defend your opinion.