What can I do with love? My God! How many times have I shouted to You these words! How many times my heart was torn into a thousand small pieces! How many times have I squeezed my lips so that I will not cry when I hear his voice. And my soul was panting with pain. And all this continues to this day. And I do not know what to do with unrequited love, which every day more and more squeezes me into its grip.
When I just got pregnant, I immediately told him everything, in response, of course, I heard, the standard: "Abortion." No, I did not do it, I took out my baby, in the middle of the term I found out that we will have a girl and I often talked to her, immediately thought of her name - Camilla, I sang her songs, I stroked her through the shell of my tummy, I told her fairy tales, I loved her, and now I absolutely adore her. As, indeed, he. Meanwhile, this does not prevent him from living anywhere, but not with us. What is going on in his head, I do not know, I do not understand, and from this tears come to my eyes. I know what unrequited love is, but I have no idea what to do with it. What to do in such a situation, what to do.
He is affectionate, good, gentle, he never once told me a rude word, except in the fuse - a couple of times. But only after a relationship with him seriously think about how to buy valerian. Because he does not say "yes" or "no".
I begin to think about myself, about him, about our relationship, about what they mean to him. And even more often the phrase "unrequited love" flashes in thought. Is that really true? You begin to imagine that he is somewhere with someone, and you are here, alone, with a child in his arms. And you are really a single mother. Though I would like to think that this is not so.
Hey, fool! I tell myself. Shake it! Look around! Enough to live by dreams that he will someday come to his senses, he will come to you, and you will all live together, and everything will be wonderful, and everyone will be happy. No! This is not true! The end of your love has come! It is no more! He just feeds you breakfast. Count it! Four years have passed. And you have not come together. Does this one fact do not tell you anything?
After such tirades of inner voices, even fingers begin to tremble. And the earth slowly leaves from under the feet. And, if there was no child, who knows what would happen to me now ...
Yes, I have unrequited love, and what to do with it, I still have not decided. I know one thing. I have a wonderful enchantress, my daughter, my treasure, who knows nothing about her origins, and how her mother suffered at the beginning of her life. And she does not care what to do with unrequited love. The main thing is that my mother should be there to kiss her, feed her, and warm her clothes. The main thing that my mother was. I look at her, and although she is very much like my father, my heart is disciplined, and I say. Stop! Stop crying! Stop harboring your unrequited love! Nothing to do! We must live on! My mother says the same thing.
On the other hand, God is his judge. Do not worry so much, you should not blame him, if he is so weak that he can not take responsibility for the people he tamed, then it will be harder for him to live on this land, and now the main thing for me is to take care of my little daughter. I will do everything to make her happy, and that she will never survive what I experienced, and for this it is necessary to rise from my knees and go on - in defiance of fate. Time will pass, wounds will heal, my daughter will grow up, and I will be happy - with the father of my child or with someone else - life will show.