Black and white
Remember when you were the last time you acutely envied someone. What were the sensations? Pleasant to call them difficult. This is not surprising: we envy only that which is very important for us. To see and understand that someone has this most "important" (super-expensive phone, excellent figure, good work), and you - no, of course, unpleasant. Envy is an absolutely natural feeling, and you do not need to be embarrassed. At the same time, negative experiences are the most important characteristic of envy. And what about white envy? We do not want to disappoint you, but, apparently, it simply does not exist. The girlfriend had a great rest, and when you look at the photos, you say: "Super! I envy you with white envy! "" What does this mean? " You are very happy for her, and maybe one day I would like to spend the same time. But where is envy? White envy - a form of compliment or - do you guess? Precisely, the disguise of the envy itself is neither black nor black. Therefore, we will not share the feeling of envy on the strips. Either you envy or not, there can be no other options.
Who is stronger?
With the "colors" of envy, we sorted it out. But this feeling has one more dimension - intensity. It is possible for a moment to want to be in someone's place, and you can think about a year that you will never have. Psychologists believe that how much you envy depends on two things:
- External causes. Think, who would you envy more, more often, more painfully? Most likely, the one who is most like you, is part of the circle of your everyday communication or is in the same status with you. Your neighbor and Katy Perry may have the same model bag, but most likely, you envy the first, not the second.
- Internal causes. People who have certain character traits are more envious than others: selfish, vain and excessively ambitious. In general, this is not surprising: we already know that the source of envy is a comparison, which means that one who is very much worried about his and others' successes will be more jealous.
So it does not work out
Trying to get rid of their experiences, envious people use (sometimes even unconsciously) certain techniques that produce a certain result, but do not relieve envy as such. They are capable of even causing some indirect harm: getting rid of the negative, the envious person "drops" it on others. Their influence is not so easy to "catch" in their behavior. What are these ways?
- Denial of the very fact of envy. "I do not envy a drop," you tell yourself (and a friend), for the sixth time, looking at a bunch of photos from a party that you were not invited to. The friend, of course, also "does not envy". Do not be fooled.
- Reducing the value of the object of envy. This is a very common mechanism. Let us recall the conditional neighbor with a new bag. Looking at her closer, you tell yourself that the model is unsuccessful, the skin has defects (and this for such money!), And indeed ... it is most likely a fake. Precisely fake.
- Aggression and the desire to humiliate the object. I think it is clear what is behind it, For example, if you do not stop in the discussion in paragraph 2 and add that such darling things are bought only by fools. Or girls who are not versed in fashion, because it was out of fashion last season. And by the way, with what money did she buy it at all?
And not at all enviably ...
If you understand that your envy for someone or something is too often or too intense, it's time to fight it. Perhaps not everything will turn out easily and immediately: the character can not be changed overnight. Nevertheless, it's worth trying. So, how can you get rid of envy or make these experiences easier? Usually envy arises from a comparison. So, to less envy, you need to compare less. To get rid of obsessive juxtaposition, you must, first of all, understand well what you need yourself. That is, have your own goals. It is desirable that each of them "attached" a plan to achieve and at least the most initial results. When you walk on your own path, you do not care about anything else that someone else does. Determine exactly what you envy is not an easy task. For example, you want to lose weight, and photos of slim models cause jealousy in you - there is nowhere more black. But ... is the cause exactly in the figure? Maybe you are not jealous of the parameters, but of the certainty that they give to their possessor? Or her success in the opposite sex? Or the ease with which she can pick up her wardrobe? Or? .. If you can understand the original cause of envy, then you can assume that you are almost spared this feeling. Probably, this question will seem strange, nevertheless: and what for it is necessary for you - to envy? Our psyche is arranged reasonably and clearly, and all the processes in it have their own cause. The experience of envy is very energy intensive. In fact, the envious person lives someone else's life. What is behind this need? Perhaps, fear of one's own desires and ignorance of needs. Be more attentive to yourself, to what brings pleasure to you personally - regardless of how far it goes against the accepted standards.
Envy for the better
While envy does not begin to subordinate absolutely all your thoughts and feelings, it is an integral part of your psyche. Envy, of course, makes us draw conclusions and make decisions that could not have taken place without it. Sometimes this function is fixed only for supposedly white envy on the principle that "the other has good - I'm glad - even if I too will." Negative experiences ("the other is good - I'm not happy - I should be better!") Are able to influence us much more strongly. All this is called a motivational function - and, of course, the feeling of envy is capable of motivating very, very much. Well, finally, envy is necessary ... because a person has a steady need to be envied.