The history of each man's development is unique, and it is in his past that secrets are hidden that can affect how easily a man can survive criticism or an attack on his self-esteem. Most men are not ready to tolerate female cavils. And if they do not leave the family, they leave from love. Instead of showing love for his wife, they prefer to spend time in the garage, in the company of friends or at a football match. Avoiding love is not always physical, at times it is a departure to some type of virtuality, a departure to another world where the entrance to his woman is forbidden. These can be computer games, alcohol, novels on the side or games in the casino.
In order to understand what is more important for a man: strangled self-love or love, take a closer look at the relations in his family. If the parents were too niggardous with their son, they put up high stakes, he can unconsciously look for a wife who, in a penny, will not bet on him. Men who are capable of forgiving their wife or lover for their self-inflicted self-esteem are often incapable of accepting unconditional love.
Unconditional love is an important base for healthy relationships in the family. This is the highest type of love, almost an art, which, unfortunately, is owned by few. How often do we hear from our parents: "If you get a deuce, do not come home." Or: "You must try, my son can not come to the finish line at the competitions second". These words can hurt any, even the most stable psyche. And when such a person becomes an adult, even hating such phrases, he unconsciously can look for a partner who will also be able to pronounce them. Only the conditions that need to be fulfilled change in order to earn love. "Without a salary, do not come home," the wife says to such a husband. And then he wonders why he doubts her love.
Thus, we can clearly separate unconditional love from conditional love. Unconditional love does not require any effort to support it, it should not be deserved. If a woman loves a man unconditionally, she accepts him as he is. Sick or healthy, rich or poor, affectionate or irritated. He does not try to change it, to re-educate, not to set conditions. In case the wife constantly blackmails her husband with various conditions, criticizes him, destroying his self-esteem and self-esteem, we are dealing with conditional love.
I must say that all people are striving for the best. And if a woman notices the signs of a mentor or a critic in herself, she should think about changing her point of view on the relationship with her beloved man. Even a man from a troubled family, accustomed to conflicts and constant criticism, may one day realize that he is tired of all this. And then relations can come to an end.
No wonder a number of men "see" at the age of forty. They leave their wives to the "young fools" who look at them, opening their mouths. Unconditional adoration, respect for authority for a man is more important than any established relationship in which a woman is attuned to him is too critical.
A woman who wants to avoid such problems with her husband should think about how she talks to him, in what tone she expresses approval or criticism, in what form she declares requests. That's why on quite seemingly innocuous, at first glance, men's requests often react irritably? Because often for the request to go to the store and buy potatoes the men hear a reproach that he does not take enough care of the family. A man's self-inflicted self-esteem is a bad base for family relations.
There are two fairly simple methods of communication that will help you avoid problems with male pride.
First, psychologists recommend instead of criticism to say compliments. After all, there is nothing difficult in that instead of: "Take out the trash can", say: "When you take out the garbage, I feel in the seventh heaven of happiness / weak / desired / beloved." Improvisations on this topic may not work, so to begin with, write down all of your standard requests to your husband on a piece of paper and reformulate them not as a request or a demand, but as a compliment.
Secondly, not with regard to situations with requests, try to talk more often to your husband about how well you are with him. Say that you appreciate in it the care of the family, caring for you personally, the ability to solve everyday and financial problems. If you ignore the big problem, but praise the small achievement of your man, you do not have to ask yourself what is more important for a man - strangled self-love or love. After all, your relationship will not have such a choice problem.