Problems grow like a snowball: a cry from the parents, and not a desire to hear and fulfill the requests of parents from the children. But what if the child stopped listening?
And what do we mean by the word "obey"? Unconditional fulfillment of the child by all the parents said? Not an estate, your own opinion of the child? Suppression, any gusts of independence? I think that we want to raise children both honest and decent, and sensitive, and fair, and responsive, so that we are not ashamed of them. But here's how to do this and what to do if the child stops listening? This is already the methods of education.
What to do when your baby has stopped listening to you? To begin with, you should ask yourself a few questions:
- Why does not the child listen?
- What does the child want to achieve by such behavior?
- How to react to parents on disobedience of the child?
- Should I punish your baby?
- Can it be better to change the line of activity and distract the child from the factor that caused the hysterics and whim?
- Maybe we should just ignore such a trick?
When answering these questions, you need to be extremely honest, above all to yourself. So when answering the first question, it often happens, so that children begin to be capricious and disobey their parents, in order to attract their attention, because mothers need to cook and wash, and go to work, and get out, and much more, and at this time the child is left to himself. It happens that children prevent us, that is, we put our desires above the desires of the child. So, instead of reading a book to a child or playing with it, it is much more important for us to talk with a friend on the phone, sit at a computer, go shopping, watch TV and the like.
When answering the second question, it is necessary to take into account again, first and foremost, your behavior: you are overly caring for the child, and he wants you to weaken your guardianship; or vice versa, he wants you to give him a little more attention; Or you have offended him, for example, they did not fulfill a promise given to him (they promised to buy a toy after receiving a salary, but they forgot about it safely) and now he just avenges you for it; Perhaps the child simply wants to self-assert himself in this way and show independence;
Many psychologists recommend, when answering this question, to use their feelings that you are experiencing in this situation, thus:
- If you are irritated, the child most likely does not have your attention.
- If you experience anger, then the child is likely to simply oppose your will.
- If you are offended by the child, then most likely, the child takes revenge on you.
- If you are in despair and hopelessness, then, most likely, your child is experiencing its own failure and worthlessness.
How can parents respond to manifestations of "disobedience"? There are several ways of reaction, the main of which are:
- Do not pay attention to such behavior of the child, or simply, ignore.
- Switch the attention of the child, giving him, something new, interesting, in other words, to distract.
- Punish the child. Moreover, punishments in their turn can also be different, this is isolation (standing in a dark room, corner, in the bathroom, or sitting in a certain "punishment chair"), and physical punishment (cuffs, flogging, hair pulling, etc.). , and verbal punishment (threats, calls, humiliation), and punishments by deprivation of pleasure, and punishment by work.
In any of the ways of reaction there are their nuances, and they need to be applied only taking into account the age and individual indicators of the situation. So if the child is thoracic, then neither of the parents will come up with the use of such reactions as ignoring or punishing him. Conversely, if the child is an adult, it is unlikely to turn his attention to something else.
I would like to dwell on the penalties in more detail, because this is one of the most common reactions. I think that there will not be a single parent who at least once did not raise his voice to his child, or slapped him on the pope, or did not call him "mediocrity" and the like. What is worth knowing about punishments?
1. The child must know why he was punished.
2. Do not punish in a fit of anger.
3. Remember that your actions must be consistent.
4. Do not punish for one misconduct twice.
5. Punishment should be just.
6. Punishment should be individual (not all children are suited to the same punishment, so for some it's enough to deprive them of their favorite occupation and the awareness of the wrongness of the act will come, and for others it's enough to put them in a corner.)
7. A child should not see that you doubt whether it is worth it or not, to punish him.
8. Punishment should not humiliate a child, but should help in understanding the incorrectness of this or that action.
9. If it turned out that you punished the child in a state of affect, and you realized that you were wrong, it would be right to apologize to the punishable, thereby you will show that you too can make mistakes and admit your mistakes, which is what you teach your child.
10. After the punishment, do not remind the child about what happened during the rest of the day.
11. For any punishment, the child should know that he is still loved by you, and you are unhappy only with his deed, and not with the child himself.
12. Do not punish the child in the presence of his peers and friends.
And, finally, I would like to say that parents should be brought up together with their children. And the reason for disobeying your own child is to look first and foremost in yourself, and, having found it, you must definitely get rid of it once and for all, so as not to lose the most important thing in life-love and understanding of your child. We all know that any person needs to be understood and praised, do not skimp on praising your own child, because he so needs it. And remember that your child is the best and most beloved, he should always feel that you love him.