Sooner or later, in the life of every adult, a moment comes when it becomes necessary to realize yourself, to assert yourself in the society in order to have some meaning. This is the main goal in the life of each person. It is realized by everyone in different ways: someone has creativity, someone has the creation of a big family, someone has a career. And someone does not realize it at all. There is this for various reasons, but in such cases, many of us are trying to realize this ... through our children.
Children are a continuation of the family. Someone loves them and dreams about them, but some do not. But, one way or another, we place our hopes and aspirations on our children, we link our long-forgotten dreams with them. Recollect, whom only in the childhood you did not want to become: and cosmonauts, and singers, and veterinaries, and confectioners, and conductors ... But not at many their childhood dreams came true. Now it has become customary to teach your children from a very early age to some business, few people are waiting for the moment to ask them what they want to do themselves. There is an unspoken law that the child himself is not able to choose his own way, especially at an early age. This is an incorrect opinion, because the child has nothing to choose and do not need. In order not to make mistakes and not to harm your child, you should look at your baby: maybe he draws or loves to dance everywhere, or all the time he sings a certain motive. This often happens. But the whole point is that parents subconsciously want to realize their unrealizable desires in their children. This is due to some inner dissatisfaction with some part of one's life, because of feelings of incompleteness, discomfort.
"I always really wanted at least one of my children to be engaged in music, singing," confesses one woman, the mother of three children. "But my husband and I do not have a hearing or a voice." So it turned out that none of our children also have them, two have no sense of rhythm. But I hoped that maybe they could somehow develop. The youngest daughter took her to the musical director, she looked, listened and put her negative verdict: everything is hopeless. I was very upset. I gave my daughter to the gym, because I wanted the child to succeed. We have a lot of diplomas, awards, I'm very proud, but here's the problem with learning ... "
Such cases are not uncommon. Parents, forgetting about the interests of their children, are so carried away by their realization in them that they inevitably "impose" many other problems on them. This can lead to the fact that the child will in the future be several times stronger to feel his unrealized and lost and look for himself everywhere, even where there is nothing positive.
"I dreamed that my child would be engaged in ballet, because it's so beautiful! Their dances, their packs! .. - says another woman. - I have a son. His physical data are good. I sent it to the tutor, everything seemed to work out, but when it was time to act and file documents, he flatly refused to go to the theater, said he did not like it and did not want to. He left the ballet, entered the linguistic institute. I was terribly offended at him, swearing. But then she woke up. What am I doing? "
Indeed, to understand the feelings of parents who, by all means, want to make their child famous and successful, to become the parent of the most talented person on the planet. But, unfortunately, with rare exception, not all of this is obtained, and if it does, it is most often the merit of the children themselves and their hobbies, rather than their parents. Therefore, do not impose your dreams on children, because they must necessarily have their own.