Mother and mother-in-law met you from the hospital with an armful of flowers, were touched by your baby and ... disappeared from sight. Once a week or two they call, they are interested in how things are with the younger generation. They can even come to visit and "walk the baby" (not often and mostly after prolonged persuasion). And this is the limit. Neither you lullabies above the crib of the baby, nor fairy tales and jokes in the kitchen in an attempt to feed the child, nor lullabies and songs when the teeth are chopped. Do grandmothers do not like a baby ?! And if you like, then why do not you rush to visit more often?
It should start with the fact that unlike the role of mother, which can be planned in advance when you are ready for this psychologically, materially and physically, the role of the grandmother, sometimes, is absolutely not planned and falls to the woman as a snow on her head, when she this is absolutely not waiting. A woman becomes a grandmother not of her own free will and against her will. Caught in such a situation, women are often lost and behave differently than is customary, but should they be condemned for this? Let's try to consider several variants of "non-standard" behavior of grandmothers and try to understand how to behave to young mothers?Option one: Busy grandmother
Work has always been and remains to this day the meaning of life of your mother or mother-in-law. A grandmother, who is always busy at work or has a lot of her personal pursuits, hobbies and hobbies, will most likely help the newly-made parents without much enthusiasm and due desire. She can give a couple tips for caring and raising a child on the phone or send a bag with new things or toys for the baby, but it is unlikely to become a permanent guest in your house and will rush to you at the first call. Do you have a feeling that she is wringing herself from communication with the baby and does it more out of a sense of duty and because it is so "necessary", really, because she just wants to mess around and engage and communicate with her grandson? Do not rush to far-reaching conclusions. Most likely, she is just afraid that your baby can change her already established and established life and bring her big changes and difficulties. Therefore, she tries to occupy herself with other usual affairs, and her grandson or granddaughter follow the residual principle in the list of her urgent cases.
What to do? It is worth to reconcile with this and not hide on the granny of evil. Better make it so that she often was with the baby, even if not one, but with you. Try to visit her more often and bring your grandson (having coordinated this event in advance, of course). Let her see that the baby brings only joy, and as a whole does not change her life for the worse. Over time, the grandson will become an integral part of her life, and communication will bring them both only joy.
Option two: Young grandmother
It often happens that the birth of a baby finds a future grandmother unawares. She does not know how to behave, what to do, she can begin to doubt, and if she is ready to become a grandmother at all, but most importantly - suddenly begins to feel even more strongly the steady approach of old age and her no longer young age. Do not be surprised if you suddenly find out that she hides from her acquaintances, friends or co-workers the fact that her grandson was born and she became a newly-made grandmother. Simply, she wants to remain as young as before, and not to label herself with the "grandmother", which automatically turns a young woman into an old woman in the eyes of people around her. Do not sulk at it, it is not yet known how you behave when you are in its place. Give her time to get used to this new role for her, she needs to understand and realize this fact. After all, her children have long grown up, grandchildren have started to be born, which means that she herself has only grown older, and this needs, as they say, "digest", recognize and recognize.
What to do? The best way to bring your grandmother and grandson closer is to leave your baby alone with her at least occasionally. Maybe when they are alone together and no one can disturb them, she caresses the baby, will remember that at one time she just held a tiny bundle in her hands and thought that after the birth of her grandchildren and gaining a new status of grandmother, life does not end, and in many ways even a new and full of joyous events begins.
Option three: An inexperienced grandmother
Your mother or your mother-in-law may simply not know how to treat your newborn baby. Not in the literal sense, of course. Perhaps at one time, when she was a young mother herself, she put all the care of her own child on the shoulders of grandmothers, and so now she is afraid to take the baby in her arms, as the first time. But this is the simplest and most easily manageable case.
What to do? If it's only the inexperience of a newly-made grandmother, try to help her overcome her fear. Take the initiative, call her to drink tea and leave the baby (but only for a short while!) With her grandmother alone. You can, for example, ask your husband or girlfriend that they call you during her visit, and leave for 20-30 minutes on an urgent matter (allegedly a friend bought for your baby diapers or a toy - you should pick it up or see in the store exactly that fruit puree or a milk formula, which your pediatrician advised you, - it is necessary urgently to run to buy). When you get home, you can find Grandma a little ... worried. But this is only the first time. After three or four visits (and time can be gradually increased to an hour and a half), you can wait for the first positive results. Soon it may be that the grandmother herself will begin to offer you her help.
Overcoming the difficulties of introducing grandmothers to communicate with grandchildren, everything will benefit from this. You will have more free time, which you can spend on yourself. The baby will have another close and loved one to whom you can trust. A grandmother from communicating with her grandchildren will receive a charge of energy and before their eyes they will throw off a few dozen years.