Incredible weight
In itself, a sense of guilt does not bring anything negative. Is it bad, having committed a bad act, to realize this and fix it (if possible), or make the mistake, repent and do not repeat it again. In a word, it teaches us to find the limits of what is permissible and not to cross them. But this is ideal. In reality, it's different. Usually everything turns out much worse: after making a mistake, we are "sucked" by a constant sense of guilt. And by inertia we feel remorse not only for our offense, but for the imperfection of the whole world. Do not be surprised where it comes from - this condition comes from childhood.
From an early age, parents, without being aware of it, teach the child to feel guilty. In the beginning, it's just remarks about him and moralizing, how and what to do, thereby questioning the chances of the child himself. And it, in turn, constantly thinks about what did not justify the hopes. With age, pressure only increases. Comrades, colleagues and, in general, society as a whole, are added to relatives. It turns out that we owe everything to everyone. We often help them to carry out their work, while they are full, we sit with other people's children, when it is extremely inconvenient for us, we listen to complaints about life, although it is the hardest. And how not to help, offended because. That's what has to be torn between a sense of guilt and one's own desires. Although, of course, it should not be so. And what can we say about more serious things. When suddenly stumbled and made a mistake, big, even global. If you do not forgive yourself in time, she will "eat" you, at best, a few weeks, or even a lifetime. And good-bye calmness.
Reject guilt
The path to healing from a constant sense of guilt is not always easy. Letting go of yourself is always more difficult than chaining. But liberation can begin! The main thing is to take the first step. And let it be the realization that a vain sense of guilt is still present in your life. Once you get used to it and get used to this thought, you can proceed. And then the real difficulties will begin. We will have to learn to calmly analyze the situation, understand the shades of feelings and emotions, not to be manipulated by other people, develop willpower and confidence. All this can only be acquired by hard work on oneself.
- To begin with, you need to learn how to control your speech. Basically it will concern the words "sorry" and "forgive". It is clear that you need to use them only if a mistake has actually been committed. In all other cases, it is worthwhile to think: are you guilty?
- Learn to recognize the manipulators. They can be both colleagues and very close people. But regardless of this, you need to say "no" to everyone the same way. This does not mean that they should always be refused. Rather, we will have to accustom ourselves and them to the fact that help will be provided, but only in the most emergency situations or not to the detriment of oneself.
- Important is the skill of distinguishing personal responsibility from shifting other people's problems on their shoulders. It is not worth bearing responsibility, but at the same time a sense of guilt, for someone else's mistakes only because someone is not able to solve their problems.
- Do not engage in self-flagellation and because guilt always follows the punishment. And constantly thinking about the mistake, you inadvertently draw it. Therefore, if annoying misunderstandings start to happen in your life, it is worthwhile to think about, maybe it's time to stop blaming yourself for any reason?
- You know, if the feeling of guilt is so strong that it is impossible to cope with it alone, it is better to turn to a specialist-psychotherapist. Of course, it's not easy to open up to another person, even a doctor. But the reward will be getting rid of vain remorse and self-flagellation.
How to fight
Do not wait until the time when the guilt becomes a huge problem, immediately start to get rid of it. To do this, you need a sheet of paper and a pen. This method of "fighting" is often used for the simple reason that it allows you to visualize thoughts. And, therefore, it is better to understand yourself and look at the situation from the outside. So:
Step one . To the smallest detail, remember the event and write it down. It should look like a dry statement of facts, no emotions, no self-assessment and lyrical digressions, like "well, I did not think ...". The main thing is to remember everything, even if it's very embarrassing and unpleasant, and to write down.
Step two. Understand that for any action we are pushed by the reason or, even, a few, it is important. Therefore, you can explain everything! And more importantly, write them down at the very end of the story. Of course, this is not easy. Especially, if to commit a bad deed, prompted envy or, perhaps, insult. But to admit it to yourself you need to be honest and frank.
Step three . No matter how trite it sounded, justify yourself. Just think carefully about why you could commit an act for which you now blame yourself. And as soon as you find it, do not forget, repeat from day to day. Until the thought of innocence is firmly "not zasyadet" in your head.
Step four. Get rid of the past, literally. And if you say even more precisely, then from the leaf on which everything is recorded. It can be burned and scattered ashes to the wind, torn into small pieces and discarded. In general, do with it anything you like, just do not store it. This process will help to get rid of negative emotions and experiences. Of course, all the guilt from you will not go away, but you will get a positive push to move forward.
Step five . Sometimes, our secrets are so scary and shameful that it's simply impossible to tell their close people. But, if you can not keep silent any longer, share it with someone who does not know you: a person of trust, a priest or an occasional companion. With anyone, it's important that it becomes easier.
Step Six. Atone for guilt, remembering that the past can not be remedied. Unfortunately, we can not go back, and do everything differently, too. But we can ask forgiveness from a person who was offended, directly calling or meeting, or mentally, if he is far away or he is not alive. In the latter case, it is necessary to imagine the image of a person or take his photograph and to himself, but very sincerely ask for forgiveness. And then learn from the situation the lesson, remember it and no longer be in it. But even better, if your awareness and understanding of the error will be supported by concrete actions. For example, warn other people from getting into the same trouble.
Step Seven. And the last thing to be done is the most difficult. Forgive yourself and forget. Ask yourself: "Why do I have to live a lifetime with a sense of constant guilt? It's not right! "People are not machines. Sometimes we forget ourselves, get angry, hate, take offense. And life sometimes presents "surprises" at a time when they are not prepared for them. And the only thing we can say to ourselves: "It was and passed." And then flip this page in your destiny and live on without a sense of guilt, but with a colossal experience.
The past can not be changed, but it depends on you, what will be the present and the future. Learn from the mistakes of lessons and do not repeat them. Stay on the bright side of life - and the feeling of guilt will cease to visit you at all.