"Do you now meet with anyone?", "When will you finally get married?", "Why do not you have children?", "How much do you weigh now?", "What salary does your husband have?" ... How often do we have to think up excuses for these tactless questions ?! How to react in such cases? What and to whom to talk and how not to allow others to spoil your relationship with your husband? Witty answers to tactless questions and comments by a psychologist are presented below.
You can joke around, assure everyone that you are happy, or, conversely, be rude in response to all the questions, the result will still be one. Until you yourself do not cease to worry about this or that, you will be uncomfortable hearing these phrases and sighs from the side.
I do not go white
From the children alone trouble "," I now do not love, "" I'm always 18 "...
Why do you come up with beautiful excuses? And what happens if you tell the truth? Try to give yourself answers to these questions. Are you out of the conversation about your wedding? So tell me honestly: my boyfriend does not call me to marry. What are you afraid of? Do your friends and relatives make unflattering conclusions about your partner? Do you know why he does not want to marry you? If not, then it's time to solve the problem with the boyfriend.
If you think that by getting married, losing weight, having given birth to a child or changing jobs, you will become happier, you are mistaken. Until you learn to appreciate every moment of your life, you can not rejoice in either the wedding, the child born, or the new size of the skirt. Before you learn to resist the obsessive "pochemuchkam", you should stop focusing on the problem.
Eye for an eye, Let us enter the path of warriors
If your relatives and friends do not understand your explanations from the third time, it's time to put all the dots over the "i". In response to their questions, ask your own. So, hearing: "When will you get married?", "Do you plan to have children?" And "What is your husband's salary?" - say: "Why do you ask?", "What's the difference?" Such a reaction, as a rule , puts in a dead end a tactless interlocutor.
In addition, observing the rule of the three "not", you can quickly get rid of the complexes and the "well-wishers". So, never:
DO NOT show that you dislike this or that topic.
Do not be afraid to rude in response. No one thinks about your feelings.
DO NOT be discouraged. Yes, maybe these lovely and not very well-wishers are right. You yourself want to get married, have a baby and look a little better. Well, then you have a goal that you need to strive for.
Husband for help
Very often, "well-wishers" like to get into the relationship between spouses. "Why does not he meet you after work?", "What did he give you for his birthday?", "When will you have children?" ... Tactious questions are a million, and you do not have to answer them alone. If you do not like something and you, like others, think that it's time for you to get married, have a baby, want to go on vacation together, or that the husband met you at the metro, do not keep silent and suffer quietly. It is best to start with a dialogue. In the end, your partner is not clairvoyant and can hardly imagine that you are not comfortable with the usual order of things. The main thing is not to start with charges. Men like to be loved, necessary and indispensable. So let your loved one feel that you want to marry it for him, give birth to a child from him (pronoun sing with a voice), and so on through the list. Explain why this or that action is so important for you, motivate your position and listen to his arguments. By the way, psychologists advise talking to men slowly, singling out the key words. Of course, it's very difficult to control yourself during an important conversation, but why not try it ?! Remember: in the end you live with this man, because you love him. So, we must respect him and his opinion. And what other people say there - that's their problem ...
They went through it
" My parents always wanted me to have everything," like people's, "says 32-year-old Irina. - And therefore, just six months after I met Igor, they almost every day asked me when we would get married. Under their pressure, we played a wedding. However, neither Mom nor Dad thought of calming down. They have a new topic: when they have grandchildren. I myself wanted children, but for a long time I could not get pregnant. Both me and Igor needed treatment. I did not want to tell anyone about this, but after 7 months of terror by others, I could not stand it and fell. I in a very rude manner expressed all the parents and forbade them to ask me about children. They took offense, but then resigned themselves, and the topic was closed. I immediately stopped fixating, and soon we had everything with Igor . "
Commentary psychologist: "Unfortunately, it is often enough to solve such a situation conflict-free," says the family psychologist Maria Kashina. - However, do not risk your mental health in order to avoid quarrels with relatives. Sometimes such a shake can be very useful. Despite Irina's resentment, her parents left her alone, she also calmed down, the psychological pressure was over, and it became easier for her to live. Moreover, the long-awaited pregnancy occurred precisely at this time. It is unfortunate that Ira has waited so long. Instead of laughing, you had to immediately talk with your parents and tell them about your problems, or, if that did not help, ask them (albeit in crude form) not to ask such questions even earlier. "
"I never wanted to get married, " says the 27-year-old Katya. - It just so happened, but for me all these stamps, dresses and limousines have always been synonymous with incredible vulgarity. Of course, neither my parents nor many friends could understand me. "How can that be ?! So, you do not love Danya! "- my best friend Ilona constantly told me. "But the main thing is for me and my loved one to be comfortable!" - I answered all. As a result, I sat down and wrote to all people meaningful to me on the topic "Why do not I want to get married". After explaining my position in detail, I asked them not to ask me this question any more. And I inform new acquaintances that I am married . "
Commentary psychologist: "Katya did very right. Having written the letter, she not only explained to everyone around her attitude to marriage, but also structured her thoughts, - Maria Kashina explains. - The only thing you should not do is tell lies to unfamiliar and insignificant people. Why play by their rules, if you are sure that you are doing the right thing ?! "
"It just so happened, but I devoted my life to science, " says Vadim, 32. - And it always seemed to me that Lena understood me. However, one day I found her in tears. It turned out that she had just spoken on the phone with her mother and for the hundredth time was justified for the fact that I practically do not bring money to the family. For me it was a revelation. I did not know that Lena had listened to the same reproaches for many years. I was terribly upset, began to look for a different part-time job, undertook literally everything and, of course, was very tired. Lena herself started a conversation with me. She convinced me that she was personally not embarrassed by the fact that she earns more than me. And relatives can tell lies in order to avoid quarrels and scandals. Now her mother thinks that I work as an analyst in a Western company, and at the department I only lead a couple of lectures. I'm not against lying to salvation! "
Psychologist's comment "I do not think that a lie is the right way out of the situation. And what will happen if sooner or later the truth opens up ?! I think that Vadim and Lena still have a serious conversation with their parents. The main thing is not to be afraid of conflicts and to stand confidently on your own. If Lenin's mother sees that her daughter is really happy with this situation, she will calm down. "
Preparations for witty answers to tactless questions
Sometimes tactless questions take us by surprise. If you do not know what to answer, and are not ready to tell everyone the truth, use these tips.
You will learn about this first ...
Not yet, but we are thinking about it ...
Perhaps, we will get married (or we will give birth to children) if you give us a three-room apartment ...
I have not weighed for a long time, but, judging by the things, I lost weight ...
I work for an idea (and not for a salary) ...
I do not remember the exact amount of my salary, but it seems that there are many zeros ...