It often happens that the daughter repeats the fate of the mother. Well, if prosperous. And if not? What are the similarities between adult daughters and mothers, whose relationships are so ambiguous? And what is their eternal difference? ..
Roller coaster
Most often inherited the manner of behavior of the mother in relation to the father. If the authority of the pope is high enough, the girl, becoming an adult, will look for a man who can be respected. She does not threaten to fall in love with an alcoholic, a drug addict or a player. For her, they are not men, they are weak,
insignificant creatures. The girl will look for a worthy person.
But if she was brought up in a family where the father preferred vodka to all the joys of life, and the mother was tormented by this, then most likely she too will marry someone who has the same problems with alcohol. The girl learned from childhood: to be good means to suffer like a mother. Normal young people will seem to her just boring, they will not provide such a splash of adrenaline, as the pope, who then "tied" with alcohol, then washed down again.
Maternal "damage"
The second way to transfer your destiny to your daughter is to program her, constantly suggesting that she will have the same life. It's good if the mother tries to convey her best qualities to her. Let's say: "All in me! Until it reaches the point, it will not calm down! "The girl learns that in order to be good, one must carefully study the matter.
But we tend to emphasize our failure more often than success. And it happens that mothers program their daughters inadvertently - discussing their problems with friends: "She will be just as unhappy as I am." What is called "spoilage" in everyday life is exactly the introduction of destructive devices into the subconscious of the child.
The girl is looking for her father
Dad for a girl is the first man with whom she builds a psychological relationship. And if for some reason they broke off: the father died early, left the family or was simply detached - she can then all her life search for someone who would be like him. The girl is important to complete the relationship with him: to make love, bind to yourself. Husbands can often even look like their father-in-law. Well, if the husband is the same as the father, then the fate of the adult daughter will be similar to that of the mother.
Drama of love
Probably the most dramatic scenario of the repetition of the maternal fate is connected with the boundless love of the daughter for the mother. Let's say a girl admires her mother - a scientist, an actress or just a strong woman. They have a wonderful relationship. To become worthy of her, we must achieve even more than she. Well, if the story of her mother's life is positive. Let the girl do not even become a doctor of science, as a mother, but she will have an ideal for the rest of her life, to which one should strive.
But if a daughter loves her mother very much, and she is unhappy, then she will do everything to become even more unhappy. This often explains the early death of women, repeated from generation to generation, severe illness, loneliness. Suppose a mother who gave birth to a girl without a father often tells how difficult it was for her to grow up. The daughter understands that this feat can not be paid for anything. Only if you repeat it. She also becomes a single mother, and justice triumphs. So there are whole dynasties of single women with children.
A strict educator
However, the repetition of maternal fate is not a fatal pattern. A lot of adult daughters and mothers build their relationships according to their own scheme. Any of us can recall stories in which from dysfunctional families came out very worthy people. And vice versa. In these cases, the children developed according to the counter-scenario: they pitied their mothers and gave themselves an oath to build their lives differently. And they succeeded.
But if the daughter condemns mothers who suffer cruel or useless men, then life necessarily reduces these young maidens with such personalities. And they repeat the fate of their mother. To explain why this happens is difficult. One can only observe this very often and draw the conclusion that nobody should be condemned and should not renounce anything ...
What to do?
If you feel that you are repeating your maternal fate and you do not like it, you need to conduct a psychological work with yourself. First of all, we must forgive the mother for the way she created herself. Everyone has the right to dispose of his destiny in this way. as he sees fit.
• Ask yourself: "Do I want to live like my mother?" Answer right away, not really thinking, honestly. The answer may surprise you.
• Write an essay on the topic: "My new destiny". So you program yourself to positive changes. Psychologists say that this is a good way to rewrite the insidious scenario of their lives.
• If you are pressured by family legends: "We have all women in the family ...", say to yourself: "Starting with me, all women will be ..." And describe how you see the future - your and your children.