Unexpectedly buy something expensive or completely unnecessary and so reward yourself for the success you have achieved, be comforted at the moment of sadness or just make yourself a gift is a sign of kindness towards yourself and the ability to enjoy life. However, if a person is repeatedly in a situation where expenses exceed income, he enters into debts that can not be returned, puts the well-being of his family under attack, it is worth asking himself: what's going on? How to learn how to spend money intelligently - read in our article.
Inability to plan a budget
It may seem that the ability to intelligently spend to us comes along with adulthood, automatically. In fact, you need to learn this. Many of us simply do not know how to plan the budget. It is difficult to learn how to distribute your income if, for example, there were no pocket money in your childhood, or your parents allocated them, tightly controlled all spending, or, conversely, they were given as many as you want on demand. As a result, the child has not formed an idea of the boundaries of the permissible, he has not learned to control his needs, to compare desires with the desires and abilities of others. So now, already an adult, he will have to learn himself. Which, of course, is more difficult than in childhood, but there is no other way out. Obsessive shopping "Why I could not resist?", "How will I cope with such expenses?" - these questions are alarming, which is aggravated by the realization of the uselessness of the acquisition. I want to drown her - and now my hand reaches out to the worn wallet. Psychologists call this behavior "compulsive (obtrusive) shopping." This happens to those of us who grew up in a family, where it was customary to distract a child from problems with chocolate or a gift. The child, for example, fell, hurt and hurt, he needs to be embraced and pitied. But my mother is busy with something - and gives him a candy in consolation. Growing up, the person himself reproduces this scheme: it's bad for him - he goes to the store. The purchase brings a momentary relief. But real problems remain unresolved. Moreover, they accumulate and require more and more "distractions". And so on, until such a scheme of actions turns into a serious problem in itself. This is comparable to drug addiction or bulimia: careless spending can also become a form of dependence.
Hidden Messages
Unreasonable waste can be a kind of unconscious message. For example, a husband suddenly buys a home theater - and the family can not go on vacation anymore. This non-adult behavior, after all, instead of taking care of their children, he begins to compete with them, buys a "toy" to himself at the expense of their well-being. His message: "I do not want to be an adult, I'm not ready to be responsible for others." My wife is buying another expensive piece of jewelry. Her message might be: "Pay attention to me, I need love." An adult son spends his mother's pension: "Now I'm in charge, you depend on me and you can not punish me." In each case, such disproportionate expenditure conceals the unhappiness of the soul, and it is necessary to understand what the "soul" of the embezzler-love, security, confession, really is asking for? Stop waste is possible only by realizing and satisfying the real need, which is behind it.
What to do?
- Writing costs and feelings
Start keeping a diary of expenses: write down your purchases, indicating not only their cost, but also the terms of purchase. What were your feelings at the time of purchase (you were lonely, sad or fun) and after (you experienced satisfaction, a sense of guilt ...)?
- Understand your needs
When you want to buy something, do not rush to the store immediately - take a small timeout. Go to a quiet, peaceful place where you will not be disturbed, and ask yourself: "Why do I need this purchase? What do I miss? What is my true desire? "You can ask friends or close people to ask you these questions out loud. Or talk about it with a therapist.
- To buy with joy
You can determine in advance the amount that you can spend to meet your unexpected desires. Give up on time from a credit card and, leaving the house, take no more than you are going to spend. The main thing is to fully enjoy the pleasure that the new thing delivers. So you can regain the joy of buying and get rid of feelings of guilt.
- To the one who is near
Sometimes it is possible to resolve an emergency situation by paying the debts of another person. But at best it will make him think until the next "attack" of purchases, at worst - he will hide what he is spending money on, until the situation with debts again becomes hopeless. Most compulsive shopping is done alone. To accompany a person inclined to excessive spending, in shopping trips is to help him to withhold unnecessary expenses. But it's worth taking care of your financial security: for example, to keep money on different accounts.