Is it true that the personality of a person is laid in the first years of life, and after that it is already difficult to change anything?
Personality formation is completed by seven years, afterwards there is a transformation - we can only add something, something to correct. It is believed that every seven years a person goes to the phase of his birth: during this time the composition of the blood changes completely, the structure of the body is updated. In the years that are multiples of seven, each of us is in crisis. Fears of tribal stress worsen: there is a feeling of helplessness, fear of darkness, height, loneliness, closed space. But in the crisis years people are reborn, go to a new step in their development. We are changing, but the foundation remains unchanged.
At what age does basic self-esteem of a person form?
From conception to two years, the physical level of development is laid. From two to four of the parents' relationship to the child, his own perception of himself and the world is formed, the ability to say no. In these years, children absorb information about themselves, which will believe all their lives. Initially, the baby is born with the whole set of qualities, but under the influence of phrases-cliches ("smart girl", "obedient boy") begins to recognize only a few. Imagine the picture: Mom leans over the two-year-old daughter, kisses and says: "What a beautiful girl!" Daughters are well, warm, she feels approval and protection, and in the future will pay increased attention to external beauty. Doubt in its own attractiveness will be a signal of alarm, a threat to the destruction of its own world. It is much more useful for children to support, not to praise. And it is very important not to label, not to stuff programs with "you'll be a doctor" or "marry a prince." The child should know that he is different: sometimes angry, sometimes frustrated, sometimes pensive, and he has the right to choose his own way. Then the children grow up whole.
At what age is the best child to give to a kindergarten?
It is advisable that the mother stay with the child in close contact for up to two years. In three years the child is experiencing a crisis of psychological separation from the mother - this period is better to wait out. The optimal age for sending to kindergarten is after four years. From four to seven years, the interpersonal contour of the child's development is formed, he already understands that there is ME and we are, he is interested in role-playing games, he can keep attention longer. But it's better to go to school not in six, but in seven years. It is after seven that the social level of development is laid. Only then do the children consciously begin to obey the rules, the assiduity is developed (the parts of the brain that hold the small person in one pose are included in the work). At this age the child should be represented in three social environments - the school, the section related to the development of the body, and somewhere else, where he can feel complete freedom.
What determines the nature of the heir?
Psychologically, by 80% we are natives of the family, the remaining 20% is our free choice. Sometimes these 20% become decisive. Relations between parents can turn the destiny of the child in any direction. As a rule, children either copy the model of behavior of the father and mother, or choose to oppose. Children of drug addicts usually become either drug addicts or narcologists. In any family, their own family programs operate: "do not stick your head out", "it's dangerous to be rich," "initiative is punishable." Proclaiming these principles, adults try to draw the child into their own destiny, into their own framework. But this is not fatal: it is still possible to change. It's not right to shift all the blame for my own failures to my parents: I'm such because I was raised by my mother and father. We learn together with parents, and the family system besides stereotypes gives us strength. Despite the slide of parents' labels and false attitudes, we should be grateful to them for the difficulties that we had to endure, breaking them, we became stronger, stronger.
How to raise the child's independence and not give a step to the complexes - the upbringing and development of the child in the future?
Self-sufficiency can not be taught, it can only be provided. A familiar picture: the kid runs around the room, and he is told: "do not grab", "fall down", "put it, or break it", the child's movements become less active, the research interest is lost and he sits down in front of the TV. Children who sit all the time at the holo screen are those who are not safe to show themselves. Hyperopeka - a bearish service for a child, which prevents him from expressing himself in society. Having come to school "aquarium" children are clamped, break. It is very difficult for them to build their family in the future. An adult man who has not separated from his mother (the settings work: "without me you will be lost," "it is better than my mother's mother will not be"), is unlikely to build a harmonious relationship with his wife. Therefore, parents should give the child the right to grow up, psychologically let him go. And you need to do this at the age of seven.
What is better for the child's psyche: when parents live together not for love, but only for the sake of the child, or divorce?
The child does not appreciate the sacrifices of parents who lived together exclusively for his sake. It is possible that after years when my mother says: "Yes, I am for you ..." - he will answer: "And it was not necessary for me". If parents do not like each other, conflicts and misunderstandings will constantly arise between them, but for the harmonious development of the individual a common position of upbringing is needed. Appear in the lives of children and stepfathers and stepmothers (and do not need to look for a second father's child or a second mother - they will always remain unique and unique). Often, relations with stepfathers are kinder and warmer than with their own fathers. A stepfather can be a friend who can help and understand, and this is better than a drunken parent. Life in scandals and dislike children can repeat in their own family.
What is the most unfavorable age for a divorce?
A child at any age painfully perceives this event. For adults this is a crisis. For the baby - violation of safety contours. The reason for the divorce is that young children often consider themselves: "I was born, but they did not want me", "I ate badly, and my father threw us." If at a conscious age of 4+ you can explain the situation: yes, it is unpleasant, but the child accepts it, then divorce in the first years of life creates a secret in life, a kind of tension. It is much more comfortable for a son or daughter to live only with his mother or with his father only, if both parents are happy and realized than in the so-called full family against a background of global disagreement.
What rules of behavior for divorce should parents observe in order for a child to survive this period with minimal losses?
The worst thing for children is when they feel: something is happening, but the adults pretend to be all right. It seems to the child that he loses touch with his feelings. Always it is more competent to explain everything. Tell the baby that he is made up of the cells of the pope and mother, and his whole body consists of the love of the parents. And wherever the parents are, this love remains in the children. It is very difficult for a child when the father and mother part in uncomfortable relationships, they say badly about each other, and everyone starts to pull it over to their side. Children in such cases always feel guilty before the parent with whom they do not live. It is important that the spouses part in an amicable way and ensure regular access to the parent with whom the child does not live.
Is it true that Papa for a girl is the prototype of her ideal man?
Indeed, the daughter takes the pattern of the man from the image of the father, and the manner of behavior with the opposite sex - from the mother. The pope forms the strategic and protective behavior of the child - both girls and boys. In addition, the father helps his daughter to understand the relationship with the opposite sex. Similarly, a mother can explain the subtleties of female behavior to her son. From the closeness and warmth of the relationship with the pope the girl in the future will depend on the presence / absence of complexes - upbringing and development of the child. If the parent did not kiss his daughter a lot, he rarely wore his hands and did not admire her beauty - she will have much more dissatisfaction with her body and herself.
How relevant is the early development of the child?
To develop a child at an early age should be as much as it is interesting to him. If you like to read, draw, learn - develop, if not - do not force. Often an incentive for early development is not at all a concern for the heir, but the fear of adults being bad parents or a banal desire to brag to the relatives and friends of his child's abilities. The side effect of active learning in the first years of life is the lack of desire to study at school. Leading up to seven years is a game, but if the kid instead of playing before school, spent time on courses and electives, he will not take lessons. There is one more nuance. Yes, indeed, up to four years the brain absorbs up to 80% of the information, from three to four years of the child you can teach four to five languages, but if in the aftermath he does not speak to them, all knowledge will quickly be forgotten. At seven years of age, a child will quickly learn what he was taught from four to seven.
Is it true that one child in a family grows selfish?
A child can grow up to be an egoist in a large family. The only heir in the family is important to teach caring for loved ones, the ability to contact other children. And it is important that parents do not fix their attention and life only on it. Rather, the children who grew up alone are unhappy. Parents sooner or later become sick and old, and care for them falls on the shoulders of one child. When there is a brother or sister, the load is distributed for two, there is mutual assistance to each other. Important and emotional support, the realization that there is one more native person on earth. After all, when parents die, the child remains alone.
Why are there so many hyperactive children lately ?
The causes of hyperactivity have not yet been fully elucidated. Now this is a fairly fashionable diagnosis, which is not always correctly put. The syndrome of hyperactivity can be diagnosed by three specialists (neurologist, psychiatrist, psychologist) and only after the age of four, provided that the child behaves equally uneasily in three social environments (for example, in the kindergarten, at home, at the mug). Often hyperactivity is confused with the manifestation of a choleric temperament. It is really difficult for parents of such children. But it is important to understand that their behavior is not a character trait, but a manifestation of a symptom. Today, to compensate for hyperactivity (in addition to classical drugs), homeopathy is used, a very effective diet (these children are sensitive to increased glucose levels and foods with food chemistry). Hyperactivity is indeed a diagnosis, but not a sentence. With patience, caring, harmonious approach of parents, teachers, doctors, these children can be realized.
What are the distinguishing features of modern children?
Modern children do not fit into the framework of age psychology and pedagogy, created in past years. That is why in pediatrics and child psychology concepts of norms, not of norms, but of the contours of development are now introduced: growth, weight, speech. So, speech at young contemporaries develops to four years, and this is already considered the norm. Children of the XXI century are distinguished by healthy selfishness, self-esteem and developed sense of self-preservation. Heroism and self-sacrifice, cultivated in past decades, are already irrelevant. Today, children are hypersensitive: what we feel is multiplied by five in their perception. Generation, which reacts sharply to everything that happens, grows either aggressive or unfeeling. The operational memory and the coefficient of active activity of their brain are much better developed than in adults. The speed of life and reactions exceeds the norms of the past. Modern cartoons that have accelerated tempo rhythm seem too dynamic for us, adults, but not for them. Today, children almost do not read and do not play in collective games. At them, spending most of the time alone in front of the computer monitor, the brain shares responsible for empathy (empathy) are late included in the work. Unfortunately, now children do not play with their parents. The latter do not have time for this, and they do not know how to do it. But no matter how different the current children are from previous generations, every day they still need at least thirty minutes of communication with their parents (without a TV and a mobile phone) to be filled with warmth and spiritual support.
Modern children grow up much earlier. How does the early development of the sexual sphere of life affect the child?
Indeed, the girls' menses start today at the age of nine (the boys in sexual development are about two years behind the girls). But in general, parents should focus on themselves: at what age did they have an interest in the opposite sex - in these years he will wake up and in children. Early sexual relations are more likely a traumatic situation. Love experiences (met, parted, the lover had another) are painful for an adult, and for a child - doubly. Sexual relations in adolescence interfere with the development of other spheres. It is known, for example, that people from orphanages are often of low stature. Frequent masturbation and early sexual activity stimulate the genitourinary system and thus slow the development of other areas. In the first place, the development of the osseous system stops. This may be an argument for the boy's parents who want to keep him from active sexual intercourse. Parents must necessarily talk with children on this topic, explain that sex is better to postpone for later: the later, the better. Tell that the strongest love is emotional. But if the child still has a friend or girlfriend, parents should talk with both. It is especially important for the mother of the girl to talk with the boy - that the daughter needs to be seen off, not offended, and protected. The responsibility of the guy in front of the girl's parents is much higher than before her. It does not hurt that Dad told his daughter that boys often need girls. It is important to inform children that only adults can do this.
How do toys-monsters that hold children's supermarket shelves influence the psyche of a child?
It is not necessary to consider the terrible transformers and monsters-bionics exclusively as a harmful phenomenon. In each child there lives a certain subpersonality, which is afraid of something. For example, darkness. Taking into the hands of a powerful transformer or fearless spider-man, the child seems to become invulnerable, gets access to a certain resource force. After all, everything that I hold in my hands becomes manageable, part of me. Through such toys, children can exhibit depressed emotions. When a child wants to say no, but can not, he chooses a toy that growls, while he himself remains white and fluffy.
What complexes does the school develop in the child?
Children of lower grades can not be evaluated. And, fortunately, in many schools this is not done. The child receives the deuce, not as a discontent of the teacher with his dirty notebook, but as a personal appraisal. Evaluation is a label that is hung on a schoolboy. His decoding: "I'm bad, I do not like" - and this setting forms a stereotype of the behavior of the "bad student", the "loser." Often, entering the institute, school dvoechniki and troechniki begin to learn well. There is no evaluation, this is a new medium where you can show yourself, there is interest in learning. It is important to explain to the child that the teacher is the same person as everyone who gets tired, is in a bad mood and can make mistakes. In this case, the children will not perceive the attitude of the teacher towards themselves, as a rule. In addition to school, the child should have some other place where he could show himself. And psychological immunity is developed in the family. If it is loved here, regardless of its behavior and assessments, it will remain holistic.
How to raise a true personality?
Personality can not be raised, it can be helped to manifest. And the first rule is the respect of parents for one's own personality. If I'm in contact with myself, only then can I be in contact with another person. If I am realized, I will be able to help to realize another. Real individuals grow up in a healthy family, in which the spouses do not depend on each other emotionally and financially, where there is understanding and love. If a mother develops, she is an authority for herself, if she is interested in exploring the world with the child and learning from him, this is a worthy ground for the development of a strong personality. Incidentally, adults have children to learn from, for example, immediacy, the ability to catch the present moment, the sincerity of the expression of feelings and emotions.