According to psychologists, for exemplary behavior, as a rule, the most serious psychological problems are hidden. This is a kind of delayed-action mine, and if it is not recognized and disinfected in time, the explosion of unpleasant consequences will inevitably follow: from personal and professional failures to inexplicable, poorly treatable diseases and various dependencies. Therefore, no matter how you feel, it is pleasant and convenient in the role of the parents of an ideally obedient kid, it is worthwhile to find out what the reason for this behavior is, and if possible to eliminate it. The conditions for the formation of the discipline of obedience in the child are laid from birth.
This dangerous world ...
Fear of the outside world is one of the most common causes of abnormal child obedience.
- What does it look like? A timid, tripodic child, afraid of being alone with the dangers of the outside world, tries to stay close to his mother, does not play risky games, avoids everything new and unknown, does not enter into independent contacts with peers.
- Why is this happening? Increased anxiety can occur due to instability of the nervous system, suffered in early childhood psychological trauma (for example, if after a difficult birth the baby was not given to her for a long time). However, most parents successfully "fix" this situation, convincing the crumb that, only listening to the parents, he can avoid the dangers: "You see, my mother did not listen and broke my knee!"
Pay attention: non-verbal signals are even more dangerous than words, because they are fixed at the subconscious level. For example, when a baby learns to walk and his mother constantly supports him behind the back of his head, not letting him fall, the subconscious records: "Without my mother, I can not step too."
- What does this lead to? If in early childhood a person does not face small dangers and troubles, he does not learn to predict the consequences of his own actions, look for alternative ways of solving problems, which means that in adulthood he will avoid situations requiring initiative and responsibility, and choose partners to be entrusted with role of the parent.
What to do about it?
- Try to cope with your own anxiety. Do not burden your baby with your fears and doubts.
- From infancy, immerse the child in a safe developing environment, where he can independently know the world around him. This does not mean keeping him in the arena. The apartment must be adapted for the free movement of crumbs.
- Encourage any initiative of the baby.
- Analyze his failures with him. At the same time, focus attention not on obedience, but on personal responsibility: "If you noticed the hole in time, when you ran, you would not fall down" instead of "Mamma did not listen, so I fell down."
- In role-playing games, and then in life, simulate situations in which the child must make an independent choice.
"Suddenly they will break me?"
Another reason for unconditional obedience is the fear of losing parental love,
- What does it look like? If the child is not sure of unconditional parental love, he can try to "deserve" her impeccable behavior, implicitly fulfilling all the parental requirements or by feeding to foresee their desires. Parents make it clear that the child suits them only when they meet their expectations: do not make noise, do not get dirty, do not spoil anything.
- Secondly, to inexplicable and difficult to treat diseases: not being able to direct aggression to war, an obedient child turns it against him.
- Thirdly, to social unhappiness: children, accustomed to unconditional obedience, becoming adults, often become victims of family violence, aggressive sects.
- Fourthly, to the "pendulum syndrome": reaching adolescence, the child-lovers often fall into marginal companies, as if trying to check whether their parents will still love them.
What to do about it?
- Never say or let the child understand that you stop loving him for his bad behavior.
- Condemn the act, not the person: "It's a pity you stained your favorite dress" instead of: "Go away, I do not want to see such dirty things."
- If the child has committed a misconduct, do not scold him, but, expressing his displeasure, help him find a way out: "It's very bad that you were rude to your grandmother. Let's think about how to ask her for petitions. "
- Do not seek to be impeccable in the eyes of the child: calmly tell him about your mistakes, do not hesitate to fool around and rave with him.
Obedience as a symptom
Excessive obedience can be a manifestation of not only psychological problems, but also illness. At the same time, the child looks so happy that for the time being parents do not know anything.
Autism
Little children with primary children's autism seem like little angels: they do not cry without a reason, they do not ask for pens, they are ready to go for hours to roll a typewriter or consider the sun ray on the wallpaper. The Denerger Syndrome. This painful passion for order and strict observance of the rules testify to this specific emotional disorder. Cardiovascular diseases, blood diseases, decreased immunity. Lethargy, phlegmatic and excessive caution may indicate a feeling unwell due to serious health problems.