Just do not rush to respond angrily "no!" This will be just another lie. It is estimated that the average adult resident of the megalopolis lies about twice within half an hour. According to psychologists, the ability to speak untruth is one of the fundamental properties of man as a biological species that distinguishes him from all living beings. Hardly having passed to a new stage of evolution and having mastered a coherent speech, the intelligent person immediately learned to diversify it with the help of fiction. Although, if you prefer it so much, you can think that the lie was taught by the insidious serpent who seduced Adam and Eve. But the fact remains: a person is lying since the moment he became a man. And you? Do you love lying - tell me honestly? ..
Ah, but not you? And you never went without a ticket in your life? Did not they say that your spouse is not at home when he peacefully lay on the couch in front of the TV? Have not you explained to your superiors that you are asking for a day off because your grandmother is ill? Did not you inform the newly-born niece in a tender tone that a wrinkled red-haired lump with dull eyes is the most adorable baby you've ever seen? And the child about the Gray Wolf and Uncle with a bag, too, have never been told? Perhaps, among us, there are one or two representatives of the endangered tribe of truth-lovers who honestly answered "no" to all these questions. Those who answer the question "How are you?" In detail about all the vicissitudes of his difficult life; sincerely and voluntarily informs the authorities of all corporate troubles; from the bottom of his heart he will sympathize with a friend he has not seen for a long time, that she has "grown so old"; frankly advise her neighbor to choose the style of the skirt, which is better suited to its far from ideal legs; will not hide from the stiff mother that she, contrary to the statements of the doctor, is not gastritis at all ...
True, such fighters for the truth for some reason do not really favor in a decent society, calling them tactless, boring, rude, informers. But it's not about truth-lovers now, but about us, mere mortals, who, it turns out, can not survive for half an hour without having to lie. We spend time with parents and children, colleagues and sexual partners, inspectors and random fellow travelers. However, lying lies are different: it can be innocent and completely forgivable and even constructive, and can - and destructive, very dangerous for the person himself and for others. But the line between one and the other is so thin that it is worthless to cross it. That is why it is so important to understand where the line lies, behind which lies from the normal means of human communication turn into destructive elements.
BARRIERS AND BORDERS.
One of the most common causes of domestic lies - the desire to limit their personal psychological space from an uninvited invasion. Far from everything that happens in our life, should be the property of even the closest people. Why tell my mother about a quarrel with your beloved? Only in order to once again hear: "After all, I warned you! ..?"? Is not it easier to say that everything is amazing? Tell a partner about the stormy romance at the dawn of a foggy youth? If your plans are not included in every quarrel to listen to reproaches in this regard - in any case. They did not love anyone, they searched for their whole life, they waited and hoped.
Our constant desire to look prettier, younger, slimmer than we really are, in fact, is also nothing more than the desire to build a kind of frontier. Well, who cares, how old we really are, how much gray hair we have and how wide our waist will be, stop we exhaust ourselves with fitness and diet?
Periodically, a person simply needs to remain alone, fall out of the ordinary rhythm of life. At work, say that you are ill, your spouse - that at work is not a big deal. So that no one knows where you are, a luxury that is almost inaccessible with today's pace of life. To leave early in the morning from home, turn off the mobile and ... go to the cinema, cafe, shopping center, just wander the streets, the main thing is that no one knows where we are. Do not you think it sounds tempting? And there is no need to torment your conscience that a trusting husband and a naive boss have fallen a victim of deceit! If you have already taken an unauthorized time-out - have fun the rest of your life. But the border of your private space is protected not only by you: on the opposite side - a formidable guard, whose name is corporate etiquette. At work, we are all forced to pretend to some extent: smile at unpleasant people, take an interest in uninteresting things, say what is right, and not what you want, wear what is accepted, not what you like. Whether we want it or not, we are forced to obey this rule, and in the interests of the cause we are dealing with, and in the interests of our own career. Particularly honest can claim only the role of housewives.
LIE TO SALVATION.
No, no, we're not talking about the Komsomol member Zoya, who saved her homeland. We are again about us, beloved. Forgetting about the phone call, we are most likely going to talk about a battery that has been dormant, being late for work, say that we are stuck in a traffic jam. Instead of admit that they just overslept. Having lost keys or documents, most likely, we will complain to the housewife that we have been dragged out of them. What for? Yes, then, in order not to spoil your career (the traffic jam in the metropolis is a quite valid reason for being late, if it is not abused). Do not offend a friend or business partner: who is pleased to hear that you are so indifferent to the case, which was supposed to call, that you could forget about it? It is better not very convincing story about a battery that has become drowned, In the end, not to become the object of ridicule and reproaches: here is the lad, again lost the purse! ..
Do you think this is an ordinary cowardice? You can, of course, say so. But the instinct of self-preservation inherent in all living things, and any person, knowing that he is in trouble, will try to avoid them by all means. There are situations when you have to lie and to help your relatives. Do you see that the child is clearly overworked from school and wants to stay for a day or two at home? Of course, any sensible mom from time to time suits the child for such a mini vacation. And then, without experiencing any remorse for lying, calmly writes a note to my teacher: my son missed lessons because of a headache. Most likely, the teacher knows that you have told a lie: she also has children who also want to skip lessons from time to time ... If the husband of the best friend asks in the evening, if you do not have her, by chance, we, of course , immediately rushed to save her happiness and, exclaiming: "Of course, of course! She just had a smoke on the balcony! Now call back! ", We will rush to call a friend on the mobile.
OVER PASSAGE IN LIE.
At what point, harmless domestic lies, facilitating the hostel and mitigating conflict situations, turns into a real low lie? Probably, when a person begins to purposefully lie for profit and enrichment, when his lies can cause moral or material harm to others. Do you think this is exactly about dirty marginalized people who do not belong in a decent society? You are mistaken! It's not uncommon for people who consider themselves to be quite respectable and respectable, sometimes using this "weapon" in both business and personal life. Dissolve the dirty gossip about a business partner or competitor, give a knowingly unrealistic promise to achieve immediate benefits, "borrow" someone else's idea, borrow money, knowing firmly that it will not be possible to return them, slightly to cheat with financial documents - many come so not once, while continuing to enjoy the reputation of honest, decent people. There are real virtuosos who manage to lead not even a double but a triple life: they live at once with several partners, they work for competing firms. At the same time, many liars manage to maintain their reputation for years and even decades. Catching such a liar is almost impossible: in his head, it seems like a built-in computer that calculates every turn of his dizzying game. If you met such a character on the way, stay away from him, and try not to use such techniques yourself. Even if outwardly the liar-virtuosos look very happily, they do not experience inner comfort. A constant sense of guilt (and any liar knows perfectly well that he transgresses the limits of what is permissible) and the fear of being exposed leads to depression, neuroses. And when the coveted goal is achieved, it will bring neither joy nor satisfaction.
CHILDREN OF CAPTAIN OF VRUNGEL.
Children we are, without even realizing why we do this. Just because everyone does it. Because it's easier. Why persuade, distract, persuade, when you can cheat a little! "It will not hurt," we say to the baby at a doctor's reception, although we know for sure what will happen. "I'll be back soon!" - we promise and disappear for a whole day. "You will study well, I will buy you a dog!" - we declare boldly. And when the child proudly demonstrates the diary with the "five", we begin to languidly explain that the dog will have to wait indefinitely: the puppy is such a responsibility. We intimidate Baba Yaga and Grandfather with a bag, we tell stories about the Girl at the bottom of the plate and the Stork that brings the babies. And we absolutely do not think that on one far from perfect day the kid will understand that he lives in an environment of lies. That my mother, it turns out, goes out to the stairs not to take the garbage out at all, but to smoke that the grandmother did not go to another city, but she died, that Santa Claus has a beard on a string, and the stork does not bring babies at all.
It's not even bad that a child, accustomed from childhood to lying, will replenish the army of adult liars with time. Worse is another. A child can feel safe only when he is confident in the absolute infallibility of his parents. If mom says untruth, then she is hiding something from him. That is, from the point of view of the baby, there is in her life something secret, forbidden, shameful. For a child, this is not just an insult, but a tragedy, a catastrophe of universal proportions, because everything is collapsing, on which lies its tiny little world. Therefore, one way out: in order not to get out of awkward situations and listen to the fair reproaches of grown-up children, never lie to children. Even if you lie more conveniently. Even if you do not know how to tell the truth. Even if you know for sure that the truth hurts the child. Because even the smallest lie hurts a hundred times more than the most bitter truth.
I'm very happy to cheat myself ...
But the most destructive and dangerous kind of lies is a lie to oneself. We do not spend so much time with anybody else. Time that we like our way of life, work, figure. That the boss adores us, and if not, it is not because we are working poorly, but because he is a fool and can not appreciate us. That her husband went to another because of her insidiousness and the inclination of men to polygamy, and not because of every night scandals and dull sex once a week. What is this little sympathetic nodule under your arm was at us always and did not grow during the last month. To make the lies look more convincing, we pronounce it to others, we give them new details, we come up with new justifications for our present misfortune, we find more and more guilty people in our troubles.
But a lie is like a drug. Lying tickles the nerves, keeps in a state of excitement, promotes the release of adrenaline, which in its properties in many ways resembles narcotic substances. And it is also addictive. Over time, a person can not already do without a lie, even if it causes him obvious harm. He pounces on any interlocutor - colleague, friend, neighbor in the queue to the dentist - and begins to paint to him the amazing details of his non-existent life, more and more immersed in his fictional world and gradually losing touch with reality. As a result, the lie becomes not even the second, but the first kind, destroying the personality and deforming the psyche. Friends first listen with interest, then with disbelief and, finally, with sympathy. And after some time a person finds himself in a complete vacuum: his friends turn away from him, his relatives shy away, the authorities stop trusting at least some important affairs. "Naturally," he thinks habitually, "there's a lot of insignificance, no one wants to appreciate and understand me, beautiful, kind, intelligent!" In no case should you let yourself fall into this trap, because there is no way out of it. Therefore, we will learn to be honest with ourselves. We admit to ourselves that not everything in our lives is safe, and in answer for it not those around us, but ourselves. But we will not sprinkle our heads with ashes, but set ourselves specific tasks to break the deadlock: to put in order papers, pass a report, visit a dentist, make up with my mother and husband, start attending the gym, stop lying to others. And first of all - to ourselves.