If your husband has children from a previous marriage, then you should pay attention to some recommendations of family psychologists. At first glance, the situation may seem simple enough: you live separately, you rarely meet. But over time, between you and your spouse may arise questions related to children from a previous marriage and it is important not to let them complicate your life together.
It is very difficult to establish contact and a good relationship with the child. After all, initially he considers you an enemy, because in his opinion you took his beloved father from the family. And even if it is not so, it's unlikely that you will be able to convince the child of the opposite. Undoubtedly, each family has its own situation, which must be disassembled separately and thoroughly. But there are a number of general rules concerning the question of how to behave with the child of the husband from the first marriage.
Husband and wife - a variable, and parents - a constant
Remember that a child does not perceive what happened as adults. For them, the withdrawal of the father from the family is a great tragedy and a surprise. The child's psyche of every age reacts in its own way to such an event: at the age of one year the child will notice practically nothing, at five years it will cost him minimal losses, at the teenage age - the divorce of parents will be a real tragedy.
The main thing is to make the child aware that parents are still his parents, only the wife and husband are divorced. Convince him that if the father left the family, it does not mean that he no longer loves him. It is important that the child receives these explanations not only from his mother, but also from his new father's wife.
Do not allow all
Do not let in no way your husband's child absolutely everything, otherwise he will sit on your head. Children particularly hard to tolerate the divorce of their parents in the first year, and do not want to accept his father's new wife. They rude, give vent to antics, can become isolated, silent. And you should not be afraid to make remarks in these cases. And the main thing is for the father to take on educational issues, especially since he has the right to understand this child, but you do not. Your attempts to explain to the kid how to proceed or vice versa will be perceived as an attack and this will complicate your relationship with the husband and his former family.
Do not judge, and you will not be judged
When the child has come to your house on a visit, do not try to discuss or condemn his mother at him. Such topics should be kept banned as soon as the child is in the house. And it's not a matter of morality, although they also need to be remembered, but in the perception of your words by the child. For him it will be very acute, offensive and can lead to serious disagreement in the relationship.
Leave them alone
You should not prevent your father from communicating with his child. After all, he comes to see his father, not with you. At this time it is better to do your own business, leaving them alone. If the child is friendly and easy to contact, you can all play games together or take a joint walk.
Conspiracy theory
You do not have to conspire with the child in order to hide something from another family. This should not be done either side, or the other. Never resort to the method: "Let's go to the cinema (for a walk, in a cafe, etc.), just do not tell Mom about it." In such a seemingly innocuous way, you dedicate a child to a certain secret community, forcing him not just to keep a secret, but to lie. This makes him hold on to your side, because of what he can get confused and will not understand how to respond to such a situation. Moreover, this can create a sense of guilt for the other side, which will play a negative role in the development of his psyche.
Honesty above all
Remember that a child should not be given what for some reason he is forbidden to use (for example, sweet, chips, soda). This is treated as an unfair attempt to win over the child's disposition. A child may have an opinion that you are better than with your mother, because she prohibits, and you allow everything. True, it will collapse like a house of cards and most likely irretrievably (especially when health problems arise due to the consumption of harmful products). Therefore, be honest and considerate.