To begin with, the mother-in-law is also a person, therefore, it has its advantages and disadvantages, and this should be taken into account when establishing contact. Nobody is perfect. So sometimes you have to compromise. In addition, she is also a woman, and this fact, perhaps, will sometimes help to look at the situation from her point of view. Of course, there are lucky ones who are very lucky with their mother-in-law, they have complete mutual understanding, they fit each other according to temperament, character and outlook on life. Her mother-in-law becomes a friend, an ally, an older companion, and sometimes a second mother. But we will proceed from the view that there are fewer such families than the average, average, in which both the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law have their cockroaches in their heads. In such cases, the level of mutual understanding between newly born relatives can vary greatly from usual warm and respectful relationships to those that are disgusting, when people do not tolerate each other's spirit. Everything depends on the situation and on the people who got into it, so you can not give specific advice on how to do it and how to solve the problem. But you can give some recommendations, from which you can build on, depending on the nuances that each have their own. First of all, it must be said that joint and separate living with her husband's mother are two big differences. Often it depends on this, how your further relationships with your mother-in-law will be built. Of course, sometimes neither separate living nor distance makes the relationship warmer, and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can not find a common language even when they are seen once a month. But most often to build a harmonious relationship to these two women is much more difficult when they live under the same roof, especially if this roof belongs to the mother-in-law, as it rarely happens. Of course, the best option is to live separately from parents. But even in this case there is no guarantee that no one will interfere into your life, not to mention the situation when the daughter-in enters a new home where her mother-in-law has lived for many years, she has her own established views, rules, and life is already established. But the daughter-in-law is an adult, with her own character, with her own views and habits. And she, in turn, came to live with her husband and, accordingly, wants to feel at home, to see that she is the same member of the family, as well as everything that is also considered with her. Here may begin the first friction. It is necessary to understand the fact that although you and your mother in law did not choose each other consciously, you should try to learn how to get along, because the constant conflicts in the format of "mother-in-law - daughter-in-law", especially on one living space, are quite capable of eventually destroying even a strong marriage. Try to get to know your mother-in-law as best as possible, her character, habits, interests, outlook on life. So it will be easier for you to understand it, to understand which strings you need to pull to build a relationship with it correctly. You will understand what she likes, and what better to avoid when dealing with her. Listen to the stories of the husband about his family and about the parents. So you can learn about family traditions and customs, about household habits, about relationships between parents, because often the model of parents' relations influences the formation of children's views on family relationships in the future. Each mother-in-law understands that her son is also a person, and therefore not ideal. And even can list all its shortcomings. But one thing when she herself understands this, and quite another, when you are in a fit of anger begin to talk about unpleasant things about him. Or complain about it, especially with outsiders. You, perhaps, through the hour and cool, and with her husband reconcile, but the word, as they say, not a sparrow ... And my mother-in-law these nasty words about the son in memory will be laid off faster than your husband's. The mother-in-law should know that you love her son faithfully. And if you criticize him, she will take it as a personal insult. Be with your mother-in-law tactful and delicate, treat her with respect, sincerely be interested in her. Do not flatter, just be polite. If rudeness is ready to come off your lips, try to distract yourself. The mother-in-law will have a hard time accepting you negatively if you are friendly to her. Behave with her with dignity and confidence. If your mother-in-law is not very pleasant to you, try to still find in it some qualities worthy of your respect. If your mother-in-law is constantly giving you unnecessary advice, take them into consideration quietly and friendly, and make you free in your own way. Problems with cohabitation can also arise from the fact that you and your mother-in-law divide your personal space , get used to each other's habits. For example, one of you can lead a lifestyle that goes against the lifestyle of another. If there is no way to compromise, or nobody wants, then living together is probably a mistake, because the further - the worse. If you just started living together, you need to discuss common life and home responsibilities, so that later there would be no misunderstandings and grievances. In matters of raising children, let them know that you respect and appreciate her opinion, but the final decision will be made by you, the parents. Your views on this issue will probably differ because of the age difference. But still let your mother-in-law also take part, because she is a grandmother. Try to learn from my mother-in-law something interesting, to learn from her experience. And it's good for you, and it's nice for her. From the outset, outline your personal area, where you and your husband will not be bothered. You make order in your room. Make it clear if you do not like it when you enter the room without knocking. If communication with your mother-in-law is given to you hard, try to reduce this communication to a minimum that will suit everyone and will not cause unnecessary questions. It is hard when a mother-in-law constantly criticizes a daughter-in-law, sets up her husband against her wife, and sometimes children against her own mother, interferes in the life of the spouses and in the upbringing of children, and sometimes thinks that the daughter-in-law is simply not worthy of her son. But daughter-in-law, too, is not sugar. If you feel that conflicts are inevitable, it is better to move out and save relationships, as well as nerves. And communication will be easier. If you can not love your mother-in-law, do not torture yourself, just a good and respectful relationship, preferably at a distance. We hope that our article "How to protect yourself and the family from attacks of mother-in-law" will help you to establish relations with your second mother.
How to protect yourself and family from the attacks of mother-in-law
To begin with, the mother-in-law is also a person, therefore, it has its advantages and disadvantages, and this should be taken into account when establishing contact. Nobody is perfect. So sometimes you have to compromise. In addition, she is also a woman, and this fact, perhaps, will sometimes help to look at the situation from her point of view. Of course, there are lucky ones who are very lucky with their mother-in-law, they have complete mutual understanding, they fit each other according to temperament, character and outlook on life. Her mother-in-law becomes a friend, an ally, an older companion, and sometimes a second mother. But we will proceed from the view that there are fewer such families than the average, average, in which both the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law have their cockroaches in their heads. In such cases, the level of mutual understanding between newly born relatives can vary greatly from usual warm and respectful relationships to those that are disgusting, when people do not tolerate each other's spirit. Everything depends on the situation and on the people who got into it, so you can not give specific advice on how to do it and how to solve the problem. But you can give some recommendations, from which you can build on, depending on the nuances that each have their own. First of all, it must be said that joint and separate living with her husband's mother are two big differences. Often it depends on this, how your further relationships with your mother-in-law will be built. Of course, sometimes neither separate living nor distance makes the relationship warmer, and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can not find a common language even when they are seen once a month. But most often to build a harmonious relationship to these two women is much more difficult when they live under the same roof, especially if this roof belongs to the mother-in-law, as it rarely happens. Of course, the best option is to live separately from parents. But even in this case there is no guarantee that no one will interfere into your life, not to mention the situation when the daughter-in enters a new home where her mother-in-law has lived for many years, she has her own established views, rules, and life is already established. But the daughter-in-law is an adult, with her own character, with her own views and habits. And she, in turn, came to live with her husband and, accordingly, wants to feel at home, to see that she is the same member of the family, as well as everything that is also considered with her. Here may begin the first friction. It is necessary to understand the fact that although you and your mother in law did not choose each other consciously, you should try to learn how to get along, because the constant conflicts in the format of "mother-in-law - daughter-in-law", especially on one living space, are quite capable of eventually destroying even a strong marriage. Try to get to know your mother-in-law as best as possible, her character, habits, interests, outlook on life. So it will be easier for you to understand it, to understand which strings you need to pull to build a relationship with it correctly. You will understand what she likes, and what better to avoid when dealing with her. Listen to the stories of the husband about his family and about the parents. So you can learn about family traditions and customs, about household habits, about relationships between parents, because often the model of parents' relations influences the formation of children's views on family relationships in the future. Each mother-in-law understands that her son is also a person, and therefore not ideal. And even can list all its shortcomings. But one thing when she herself understands this, and quite another, when you are in a fit of anger begin to talk about unpleasant things about him. Or complain about it, especially with outsiders. You, perhaps, through the hour and cool, and with her husband reconcile, but the word, as they say, not a sparrow ... And my mother-in-law these nasty words about the son in memory will be laid off faster than your husband's. The mother-in-law should know that you love her son faithfully. And if you criticize him, she will take it as a personal insult. Be with your mother-in-law tactful and delicate, treat her with respect, sincerely be interested in her. Do not flatter, just be polite. If rudeness is ready to come off your lips, try to distract yourself. The mother-in-law will have a hard time accepting you negatively if you are friendly to her. Behave with her with dignity and confidence. If your mother-in-law is not very pleasant to you, try to still find in it some qualities worthy of your respect. If your mother-in-law is constantly giving you unnecessary advice, take them into consideration quietly and friendly, and make you free in your own way. Problems with cohabitation can also arise from the fact that you and your mother-in-law divide your personal space , get used to each other's habits. For example, one of you can lead a lifestyle that goes against the lifestyle of another. If there is no way to compromise, or nobody wants, then living together is probably a mistake, because the further - the worse. If you just started living together, you need to discuss common life and home responsibilities, so that later there would be no misunderstandings and grievances. In matters of raising children, let them know that you respect and appreciate her opinion, but the final decision will be made by you, the parents. Your views on this issue will probably differ because of the age difference. But still let your mother-in-law also take part, because she is a grandmother. Try to learn from my mother-in-law something interesting, to learn from her experience. And it's good for you, and it's nice for her. From the outset, outline your personal area, where you and your husband will not be bothered. You make order in your room. Make it clear if you do not like it when you enter the room without knocking. If communication with your mother-in-law is given to you hard, try to reduce this communication to a minimum that will suit everyone and will not cause unnecessary questions. It is hard when a mother-in-law constantly criticizes a daughter-in-law, sets up her husband against her wife, and sometimes children against her own mother, interferes in the life of the spouses and in the upbringing of children, and sometimes thinks that the daughter-in-law is simply not worthy of her son. But daughter-in-law, too, is not sugar. If you feel that conflicts are inevitable, it is better to move out and save relationships, as well as nerves. And communication will be easier. If you can not love your mother-in-law, do not torture yourself, just a good and respectful relationship, preferably at a distance. We hope that our article "How to protect yourself and the family from attacks of mother-in-law" will help you to establish relations with your second mother.