Rudeness, like a sudden thunderstorm, is difficult to predict. But you will not be seriously upset because of the vagaries of the weather, right? So it is here: just learn to use the "psychological umbrella" at the right time. You seem to perfectly understand everything: and that you are not rude to you because you are bad, but because the offender himself is sour at heart. And that you just fell under the hot hand. And that the situation of the egg is not worth it. Yes, and with self-esteem, you're all right. So how to protect yourself from rudeness, insults of a neighbor, discontent of fellow travelers and bad mood of relatives?
Imagine the situation that you were insulted. You have already been running an hour in the head of this stupid incident, you come up with witty answers that would destroy the offender on the spot. And you are tormented by the fact that in reality you behaved quite differently: you were losing your temper, bursting into tears, mumbling something unintelligible. Yes, an unexpected, undeserved, rough "hitting" clings to tears. But it is possible to learn to maintain an internal balance under any circumstances. And then someone else's rudeness - whether it be an accidental fellow-traveler, a boss, a colleague, or even a loved one - will not knock you out of the rut. Your mood will not depend on insults of a neighbor, rudeness or discontent. Agree, for the sake of this result, it is worth the effort and work on yourself!
Rudeness - conscious, deliberate, targeted coarseness - this is one of the manifestations of psychic aggression. And if you do not wave your fists in our society, you can easily get an emotional kick in the minibus, and on the "carpet" of the chef, and even in your own family. In psychology there is such a term: emotional burnout. This dangerous syndrome is a scourge of modern society. Not only responsible top managers are affected, but also any social workers. Those who are in the service of duty are constantly in contact with people. Fatigue from the endless flurry of people, the need to constantly "resolve" controversial situations is accumulating. And if a person does not know how to shoot it productively, then he can go on the simplest way: "pour out" his tension on the heads of others. As a rule, the one who has no other arguments, except rudeness, is rude. And aggression is shown by one who is really very afraid. The main goal of a boor - whether it's an impolite saleswoman from a "soviet" deli or a respectable gentleman in a suit from Prada - is one: humiliating another, increasing one's own importance.
Why is it clinging to you?
Hand on the heart, we have to admit: in most cases, the boors reach their goal. We really feel humiliated, boil over with resentment - in a word, we succumb to provocation. Why? Firstly, rudeness seems to devalue our place under the sun. We, with all our upbringing, good manners, a positive attitude, are simply grumbling about the asphalt by some dissatisfied brute. Secondly, the boors like to work for the public. Usually they are not rude in private, and when witnesses - in a queue, in a crowded bus, in a room with colleagues. And public humiliation, as is known, is especially intolerable.
According to the theory of the American psychoanalyst Eric Berne, in each of us three persons "live": the Child, the Parent, the Adult. And, depending on the degree of internal maturity, in one or another situation we choose one of three types of behavior. So, most people react to rudeness and insults of neighbors either from the position of the Child (the position of the victim, withdrawal into oneself, samoyedstvo and endless scrolling in the head of the happened) or from the position of the Parent (active protection and retaliatory aggression). And in that, and in another case, the roughen who provoked you only wins. After all, his insults caught you alive, you got out of balance, in other words, absorbed another's negative. Psychologists say that the most advantageous position of protection against rudeness is the position of the Adult. If the child is frightened and the Parent attacks, then the Adult's reaction is fairly neutral. When you are in the position of an Adult, the sun shines in your soul - no matter how thunder and lightning can be cast by those around you. The Adult has strong mental immunity, so someone else insults him like a goose with water. Provocations of the rude do not degrade his dignity and do not affect his self-esteem. Therefore, such a person either does not react to rudeness in any way, or quickly puts the insolent person in place with one or two phrases. All. The conflict is over.
The best defense is attack?
We are all teachers for each other, as psychologists say. Random people and passing situations in life do not happen. And what attracts us the most is our deep fears and complexes. From this point of view, a nagging colleague or an impolite conductor is a mirror of our own internal state. And often such a mirror reflects just what we ourselves really lack. For example, a shy intelligent girl is riding in a crowded minibus - one of those who will catch cold under a draft rather than demand to close the window. She tries to occupy as little space as possible, standing on one leg, so long as no one interferes. And surely there will be some aunt who will push this thin and sonorous girl with a shaking hand into the far corner, she will mop all her legs, and she will also nag to the side. And the girl already with hurt hurt her eyes and tremble in a wet place. But in fact, it is quite likely that the situation with the austere aunt is given to the girl so that she learns to finally defend her territory, clearly and convincingly pronounce the word "no" and not give herself offense. Therefore, instead of indignant over the injustice of life, it is worth asking yourself: "What does this situation teach me?"
How to protect yourself from the aggressor? You can, of course, act by his own methods and try to "outbid" the insolent by saying a lot of nasty things in response. But such tactics are not particularly productive. By producing aggression, you only increase the amount of the negative surrounding you - and in the end you yourself fall under his blow. After a stormy verbal battle and mutual insults, you are unlikely to feel better. Rather, on the contrary: you will be squeezed out like a lemon. And the mood for the rest of the day will be hopelessly spoiled.
Some people use different amulets, talismans, amulets as protection from someone else's negativity. All these things are effective - just as much as we believe in them. And it works here, rather, not so much the healing power of the amulet as our own belief in the fact that it protects us. Be that as it may, it should be remembered that any external attributes create only a mechanical barrier. And we can become truly invulnerable, only by strengthening our internal defense.
All-conquering humor
One of the indicators of personal strength and inner maturity is how quickly we restore our mental balance after unpleasant incidents. You can exercise as much as you want in acting, depicting a dispassionate look. But if inwardly you puff up indignation or shrink from fear, the aggressor will certainly feel it. Therefore, if you want rudeness to disappear from your life, increase your own self-esteem ! A confident person with a straight back and an open look is not easy to dislodge. Learn to walk as if you have a crown on your head. Every morning after awakening, mentally put it on your head, listen to your feelings and do not forget to monitor the inner state of the "queen" during the day. With such a pleasant "burden" you willfully or unconsciously straighten your shoulders. And faced with an unexpected rudeness, try to imagine the situation from the outside. It's like you - it's not you, but someone completely stranger to you and indifferent. Such a detached view helps to instantly reduce the severity of emotions and perceive the situation with dignity, to find a non-standard way out. Confused, not oriented with a well-targeted answer? Actually, you do not have to compete with the abuser in wit. You have the right to not react at all. By the way, in this case, if you simply ignore his attacks, the aggressor will quickly lose interest in you.
And have you ever wondered why ham people get a visible pleasure from insults of other people? Of course, this is a topic for a separate article, so let's dwell on it in brief. In esotericism there is such a thing as energy vampirism. Do not be scared, to Count Dracula this concept has nothing to do! The fact is that people with weak energy (it is also called aura) are constantly looking for energy supply from other people. Some people receive it through love and care. And people with a bad character, whom no one likes - through rudeness and aggression. The stronger the reaction from the "victim", whether it is reciprocal aggression or tears, the hamam becomes better physically! And if the reaction on the part of the person being insulted is absent (the position of the Adult), then the boor loses all interest. Because it is not fueled by its energy. He retreats and switches to another person.
The best weapon against the boor is humor. If you do not know what to say - smile. Calmly, openly, benevolently. Checked: really helps. A smiling person is certainly stronger than someone whose face is distorted by an offended or angry grimace. The irony removes tension, disarms the aggressor, confuses him. And then, when we smile, the unpleasant situation ceases to seem so important. You look - and the scandal will come to naught by itself, even an unpleasant draft will not remain!
Strengthen your personal boundaries!
When you are rude for no reason and trying to offend, your main task is not to succumb to the provocation of a boor and keep the emotional balance.
1. Get out of the conflict zone. And in the literal sense: leave the room or at least step away a couple of steps away. Try not to be directly in front of the abuser, it's better to stand on the side. It's a little bit his fighting spirit.
2. Protect yourself! Defending the boundaries of his "I" is absolutely normal and natural - it has nothing to do with tactlessness. If you immediately clearly and unambiguously let the grubby understand that he does not intend to obediently demolish his antics, the ambition in him will be considerably diminished.
3. You are invulnerable like water. Take on a good exercise, built on the principle of visualization. Imagine that you are washed from head to toe by a stream of clean water. In all cultures, water is considered a symbol of purity and, at the same time, strength. And this is no accident, because the water is invulnerable. No matter how the offender tries to pierce or hit her, he will not succeed. A pure spring can not be spoiled by throwing dirty words into it - all the dirt is simply washed off. Imagine yourself surrounded by pure water, you strengthen your energy protection. So, the offender will not be able to feed on your life force. Also, you can imagine yourself under a sunny shower.
4. Wash off the negative. Now in reality. Take a shower (not a bath!) - in a stressful situation, running water helps to wash away tension, does not allow "sticking" of the negative at the body level. In addition, running water itself saturates the body with energy.
5. Strengthen your aura. Today there is material evidence that each person produces certain energy waves - their power can even be measured with the help of special devices. In the eastern teachings, these bio-waves are called aura. In fact, this is your personal space, your untouched territory. Close your eyes and try to imagine it in the form of a beautiful pure color that spreads from you in all directions. If you practice well and learn how to keep the image of your private territory in your head, the surrounding people will not violate your personal boundaries: neither physically, nor emotionally.
Become the master of your "I"
What we pay much attention to, what we constantly think and talk about, is increasing. What we do not pay attention to is weakening. This life law works with respect to rudeness. Do not want others' rudeness to affect your life - stop getting involved in the negative, do not discuss with friends the details of the morning scandal in the minibus or yesterday's quarrel with her husband. Abort the mental dialogues with their offenders. In other words, stop wasting your energy on serving someone else's negative! Fighting rudeness with his own weapons is like fighting windmills. Yes, the world is so arranged that it contains rudeness, rudeness, injustice. And your indignation about this, the negative will not be less. It is another matter to take responsibility for one's own state of mind. By and large, the way we react to rudeness, diagnoses the degree of harmony with oneself. Understand: the master of your inner space is you and no one else. So, you and only you decide what your mood will depend on!
What if you gave up your nerves, if you screamed and ruffled yourself? We are all human, with everyone can happen. To be always tolerant, "white and fluffy" is impossible. But it is important to be able to correctly exit the situation in which you were not right. If you feel that you said too much, do not try to make up for it. Do not pretend that nothing has happened, and do not make a person flattery. Better honestly admit your mistake and ask for forgiveness: yes, I could not restrain myself, the day turned out to be heavy, tired, perenervnichala. Please forgive me! When a person genuinely asks for forgiveness and explains the motives for behavior, in most cases it causes sympathy. After defending yourself from rudeness, insults to a neighbor or a saleswoman in the market - one should not be like them. Be kinder - and people will reach out to you!