Why did everything go wrong? And how to interpret the situation in general? Does it mean that the relationship is in disintegration stage, or is it just a small hitch? With all this happens, or is this with us all so bad? How to return a girl's feelings for a guy - read only in our article.
Do not be nervous. This happens to everyone. Well, almost with everyone. And you piss him off - for every little thing. He, for example, throws things, and you constantly chat with him, or on the phone with numerous girlfriends. He has a volume of biceps equal to the volume of your wrist, and you absolutely do not go chemical curls. He constantly quotes Nietzsche (not even suspecting that in fact it is Rozanov), and you, meanwhile, do not know how to fry meat ... Which is characteristic, about a year and a half ago, he just as confused philosophers and threw his pants toward the chandelier , and you were just as unreasonably talkative and just as badly cooked, but everyone was happy and happy. Irritation sooner or later occurs in any pair. This is a normal stage, when the romantic smoke dissipated, oxytocin stopped pouring the brains and returned the ability to think critically. The hormonal factor is necessarily superimposed and pure psychology. In fact, the stage of irritation in a joint life is a stage of crippled expectations. Yes, you knew that he quoted, scattered, and maybe even picks in his ear. But you wanted him all the time. And at the same time she believed that minor shortcomings could be corrected over time. He had the same hopes for your culinary and oratorical abilities ... And now the time has passed, and you have not been corrected. How here not to go insane! Depending on the nature of the character, upbringing and the previous experience, you will show your irritation more or less clearly.
How can we help?
Try to change or soften something that your beloved reacts sharply. In the end, why do not you really talk less and learn to cook at least one of his favorite dishes? Understand, finally, what exactly is it that irritates you so much-is he himself or the things scattered around him? Things can be cleaned most. And are you ready to take him out of your life? About the dissatisfaction with specific habits - to talk about German philosophy at a pop party, smoke in a room and avoid fitness clubs - you can quite rightly say: "I love you, but, understand me correctly, that's what annoys me." In the end, he also loves you, which means he will try to match your ideal (if, of course, you learn how to cook and stop doing chemistry in a district hairdresser). Although it may turn out that you are beset with each other with some inherent, inescapable qualities: the thickness of the lips or the shape of the eyes. Or the smell. Or the timbre of a voice. Growth, color and stiffness of hair, the overall composition and number of moles. And also thrift, laziness and indiscriminateness in the connections (boring, wagging, agitation and lack of security) ... In other words, the set of his personal qualities does not quite match your ideas about the ideal man - when sexually caused excitement began to decline, it became obvious. Of course, the ideal is unattainable. But in principle, you still have time to find something less remote from the standard.
Nothing bothers me
To achieve this is almost synonymous with happiness. He, as before, coming home from work, throws his jacket and tie directly on the bed. And you do not enrage. You hang his clothes in a closet and feel at the same time quite happy. But he perfectly learned to fry himself meat (and even fish) - not all girls know how to cook. In any case, you are fully aware that these little things are not worth your quarrels. What is it - forgiving love or complete pofigizm? Both options are equally possible. And, in general, hardly serious psychotherapy is needed to distinguish one from another: when you love a person along with all his shortcomings (which you do not consider deficiencies), you feel it. And when you do not feel it, you do not care. If your relationship completely disappeared irritation, this is an alarming sign. Of course, life by inertia is a possible basis for joint existence. Nobody prevents anyone. On one territory are two people, each with his own life, with his world. But the family is hardly worth mentioning. You, rather good neighbors. Paradox: if you love him, avoid forgiveness. Of course, God is with them, with slippers strewn along the corridor. With a complete lack of musical ear and humanities education. And even with eternal delays. However, if you encourage or forgive habits and actions that clearly hurt your partner, then, in all likelihood, the feelings are weakened. It is unlikely that you will approve, for example, the desire of a truly beloved person to suppress stress with strong alcoholic beverages. As a loving girl, you may be touched by the extra roundness and softness that he acquired while living with you. But as an honest woman you must admit without unnecessary compliments that extra pounds to a man is not good. Did he quit his job one day after quarreling with the chief? And in general regularly swears and regularly remains without work? If you have a common budget, it's unlikely you will care. There are things that concern him only, but there are those that affect the family. Now, if they do not disturb you, then, subconsciously, you no longer belong to this family. This is not a tragedy, but to admit to yourself is not useless.
They used to say and talk, but now there's nothing more to say to each other. Does this mean that we have become strangers? Or does it mean that we are already so close that words are not needed? At the initial stage of the relationship, all the talkative are not in moderation: after all, the verbal method of information transmission is the main one for the kind of homo sapiens. We want to tell each other about our dreams and passions, share memories of childhood, discover common acquaintances and common interests ... Over time, the process of everyday communication can be reduced to a minimum. The primary need for information is satisfied. You already know each other well enough to guess a lot and often understand without words. Stormy confessions have already happened, relations as a whole have been clarified. And then verbal communication can recede into the background. This is a normal process of development of intra-family relations. Much depends on the nature of man, on the way his world perception. There are those who can spend hours discussing the weather or the details of the upcoming trip, just to satiate their need for communication. These are explicit audials. And there are those who like to silently kiss, sitting on the couch (kinestetiki). And maybe you have different types of perception: you talk incessantly, and he silently looks at you, like Winnie the Pooh on a pot of honey, you're an audial, he's a visual, but you have love. In fact, after 2-3 years of joint life, almost every couple reduces the range of verbal communication, unless they conduct a joint business or write a dissertation together. However, silence can also be the result of indifference (mutual or one-sided): you are tired of constantly making comments, and he does not consider it necessary to discuss high matter with you.
How can we help?
If the reason for the silence between you and your partner is the lack of common themes (this often happens), then aerobatics and practically a win-win method are to understand each other's interests. If he likes football, horses and fishing, and you are theater and roller skating, you should prepare a mix. First together to the stadium, then - to the theater. Then you will always have topics for full communication. You can create common interests from scratch. Or even common problems. If you have a child or you plan to build a dacha - that will be enough for discussion for a long time. If your companion, in principle, is not particularly talkative - do not try to impose your own manner of communication on him - it's tiring. That is, you, of course, can express all your thoughts and feelings, since there is a need, but do not wait for a clear, detailed answer to every remark. Give the chance to the other to remain silent until the end. Perhaps he is tired at work, a bad mood or something hurts. If the answer to the proposal is negative, there is no point in climbing with further questions. Sooner or later everything will become clear. If you do not find those for conversation, and the need for verbal contact is - talk about love. It's not necessary to do it with pathos. Jokes, hints, situational images ... Not to mention indirect acknowledgments - strength, talents, the importance of a person in your life.
When the emotions, afflicted by the love virus, calm down, both of you begin to return to the old, long-bearded habits. Maximum after a year of living together, the need to be in each other's arms is weakened enough for everyone to remember about their personal space. Close people should sometimes rest from each other, spend time separately. Always and everything to do together is dangerous for the relationship. Each person needs a personal space, so that the eye does not become soapy. It's good to be bored with each other. It's like a test: you're bored - that means you love. Parting helps to feel intimacy. You need to take it easy. However, if a burning desire to stay sometimes without each other is more like a reluctance to be with each other - this is a serious reason to think about and look for that reason.
Something must be done if your needs for separatism do not coincide. You want to be alone, but he will not let you go. Or, on the contrary, you hope to stay with him, and he always escapes. The best (and most banal) thing you can do in this case is to bring the problem to the discussion. Or: "Darling, I miss you." Or: "Dear, understand me correctly, I want to sometimes talk with girls without you." If the problem is not discussed, then it is not your main problem. Maybe you also stopped talking long ago? Or are you annoying each other? Or is it all the same to you? Reread the article again - suddenly one of the plots will be yours.