It happens that people go to divorce for many years. But it happens that such an important decision is taken spontaneously. And when there is no road back, all the bridges are burnt, we realize that we got excited. What to do and how to fix the irreparable situation?
Agree to a woman on a former offer?
According to sociological surveys, divorced spouses in 28% of cases regret their actions. But not everyone is ready to admit to each other their mistake and decide on a return, or in other words, remarriage. About 80% of former husbands would not mind returning to their former wives. But most women do not accept the offer of the ex-husband. And this despite the fact that women are less likely to remarry for another man. So maybe you should think about whether to deny the former?
How to make the right decision
A feature of remarriage is that you know this partner well. You know his views on life, dignity and shortcomings, his habits. Virtually do not have to get used to each other. Even before the conclusion of remarriage, discuss all the disputable points and think about everything in advance.
Remember the desire of the psyche to forget about all that is bad. After a divorce for a while, your ex-husband may seem to you better than he really was. But in fact, the man has not changed. To avoid another disappointment, when a woman agrees to a return marriage, psychologists recommend observing certain important rules.
Do not try to return everything back, until after the divorce will not take at least three months. During this time, emotions will subside, the stress will settle down and you can reasonably think about the situation that has arisen. Then it will be clear that the desire to return to the former spouse is based on feelings for him or on the desire to hide from the prospects of independent life. First of all, restore intimate and family relationships, agree with him about some probation period. The period of courtship should be at least two months. When the time runs out and you still want to register a marriage with your ex-husband, you can take a chance and file an application with the registry office.
Do not try to restore the past. Build a new relationship with a familiar partner. You only have one chance. If it does not work out the first time, it is desirable to permanently cease the relationship with the ex-spouse. Otherwise, the family psychologist will not help, and then you will have to turn to a psychiatrist for help. Most spouses who tend to divorce, then marry each other again, suffer from different mental disorders, can not it be worth it yourself? The reason for the final divorce can be that the spouse returned in a second marriage to an unwanted pattern of behavior.
Why agree to remarriage
Motives for the restoration of marriage bonds are different. Sometimes people are tormented by guilt, that the family is destroyed, and they are ready to continue their torment after a certain respite. This applies to families where there are already children. In 19% of cases, the desire to keep a father or mother for a child causes a second marriage.
The person in 32% of cases admits that if he is given a chance, he is ready to correct his behavior, since he was wrong. And 28% of respondents agreed to a second marriage and agree to reconsider the requests to the partner and make a decision to be more tolerant. 5% of the survey participants suffer from loneliness and to avoid it, ready to return to their old life.
Sometimes the motive for making a return marriage is material reasons - a woman can not deal with housing, one is difficult to provide for a family. 16% of people indicated their desire to come together again and did not want to share their secrets with sociologists.
How it will be better for children
Not always the restoration of relations between parents can make a child happy. At first, everyone is happy with the situation, until the old conflicts return. But it's only worth marrying in the direction of those relationships that caused the first divorce and life will change for the worse. First of all, it concerns return marriages with fathers-alcoholics. Often wives use a divorce to force their husband to stop drinking. Parting alternates with the restoration of relationships, because of this, a man drinks more, and a woman becomes addicted. It is not necessary to say that the spouses are so involved in the process of fighting each other and the children are not talking about it.
It will be better for children if the divorce is a one-time action, rather than a lifestyle in which parents co-exist. It is likely that the baby will fail the second unsuccessful attempt, but constant uncertainty and instability will harm him. If this happens, it is better to try to rebuild life and abandon any attempts to save the child of his own father. Children take easier stepfathers under the age of 6, when the pope so great need that the baby is ready to see him in any man, even in his own. From 10 years to 15 years, teenagers rebel against attempts of mothers to get in touch with strangers uncles. Do not go on about the daughter and son, because psychologists say that the whole family has a positive impact on the upbringing and development of the child. And the relationship between the new father and the child will gradually improve. The main thing is make no mistake in choosing.