Psychologists do not operate with the notion of "healthy egoism". They talk about normal self-esteem. A person who objectively assesses his own strength, defends his own desires. He is able to defend his personal territory (the space of his interests, attachments and habits) when someone encroaches on it. And while not violating the private borders of others, it is considered with the needs of its neighbors. The golden mean of self-esteem is developed in childhood through proper education. But, alas, often people get their parents - not very talented teachers. And then the arrow "I am ..." unreasonably rises - or falls ...
The motto of such people: "Everything for him, for me nothing." They with temperature will come running to work, they will borrow money, although they themselves do not have enough, they will give up a place in the minibus - despite the fatigue. Their phone does not stop, because they always help and help. In altruists need, but behind the eyes are often called the contemptuous nickname "nepotniki." And they use their pliability at any opportunity.
From low self-esteem
They were usually used dictatorial measures of upbringing - they practiced a policy of prohibitions and a belt. They also manipulated their feelings. In childhood, altruists often heard: "You will behave yourself - we will love you, and become capricious - let's give baba." Having matured, such people try to buy the love of others by exemplary behavior. And they remain psychological dwarfs. They feel very small - that's why they try to please everyone, in order to grow up in their own eyes.
Such individuals are often depleted emotionally, fall into depression and risk losing themselves. As in the ancient Greek myth of Narcissus and the nymph Echo, who so adored the narcissistic young man that she lost her ego. Unqualified altruists risk not finding an answer to the questions: "Who am I?", "What do I mean in this world?". And they will suffer from this.
Learn to take into account their motives and desires. First you need to decide what is important for you, and defend your personal territory. It is necessary to set life priorities and follow them. Sometimes you can do it yourself. But in most cases, independent work is impossible. It is worth asking for help from a psychologist. Effective is the cognitive-behavioral method. With his help, people's thoughts change, affecting his behavior. For example, an individual strives to always help everyone in the office, so a lot of work is being done on him. His emotional reaction is sad, because he really does not like plowing. And between the behavior and emotions flashed thoughts: "I work poorly," "I do not appreciate." The conclusion: to try to think differently: "I'm just learning this work," "this work I do best of all," "I'm a professional," "I will be appreciated." Rational thoughts will help to change the behavior to a more adequate one, that is, to take the task by force. So an altruist will take a step toward healthy selfishness: he will perform as much work as he can do without harming the health of the physical and moral. And experience joy.
Similarly, too much altruistic attitude in the family and with friends is corrected. But our consultant does not recommend auto-training. This measure will only smooth the problem, but it will not solve it until the end. Of course, the ascent of the Ego star will be noticed - and many will not like it. Against possible reproaches there is a good way: the best defense is an attack. For example, if you have any questions at work, you can object: "Are they really interested in me, because I finish everything for others? I cope with my duties. " And you will be reckoned with. A friend or a loved one can say: "And what is the friendship (love) - to live for you and forget about yourself?" Who really treats you well, will accept you as is.
I do not see anyone
The hard-core egoist puts himself at the center of the matter and does not count with anyone. In the hike, he slips his other tourist backpack, at dinner wants to eat the most delicious, money will not lend under any circumstances and in the office will certainly shift his task to the shoulders of colleagues.
From an overestimated self-esteem. It happens, when parents are too fond of their child, consider it a navel of the earth, automatically forgive any pranks. Emotionally, the egoist will not be too tormented. But there is a risk that others will turn away from him. Especially it is not good at a respectable age, when a person will need help, but they will not want to support him.
Learn to reckon with the interests of others. One must feel whether another person likes the situation to which you are letting him down. And if at a non-verbal level this is not possible to catch, it is better to ask a person about it directly. In the psychologist's office, the overestimated self-esteem is corrected quite simply. On examples from life, a specialist shows the advantages of "walking to the people" - the ability to take into account the opinions of others, the desire to come to people's aid. His Royal Majesty the Egoist will understand the benefits of such behavior and will replace the absolute monarchy of complete self-love for constitutional government "I live for myself and for others."
The attitude of colleagues and acquaintances will change. People will smile more often to the "corrected egoist", invite him to visit, the address book will be filled with new phone numbers. To open to the world and receive from it a return is something for which it is worth working on.
Mythology of the egoist
In fact, genetics are nothing, just as it is always bad to be selfish. Excessive self-love is the result of incorrect education, and not the work of chromosomes. But the erroneous opinion about the transfer of egoism by inheritance exists because often people copy the methods of educating their parents. And if a person was raised in the atmosphere "you have everything" - most likely, he will pass similar codes to his child.
Sabailers - more often men, selfless - women. Strong maternal instinct - to care for others in ladies is inherent in nature. Also, women are more able to do several things at once than men. Guy Julia Caesar can stand in the kitchen and write a report - it's easier for her to come to a consensus. Hence the altruism at work, in the family.
A man sees one goal and can not be dispersed to another. To achieve something in life, it is easier for him to become an egoist. Plus, there is a difference in upbringing. The boy is often made the chief, he is given the role of the successor of the surname. While the girl is taught to sacrifice herself for the sake of others. But this does not mean that all self-lovers are going to Mars, and chelovekolyuby - on Venus. Sometimes, ardent egoists are ladies, and good-hearted altruists are men.
Housewives - altruists
The words "I gave birth and raised you, you are in debt for my self-sacrifice" is an example of veiled female egoism. The lady at own will becomes a housewife (the husband earns). And then she emphasizes to her sons and daughters that for her sake she has sacrificed a career. Alas, these children are postponed in the subconscious feeling of guilt before their mother, and often formed so-called suicidal behavior. They lead a reckless lifestyle in the style of "my being worth nothing" - drive the car at frantic speeds, climb mountains, jump with a parachute (installation changes when these people have a family). To correct a position of female pseudo-sacrifice it is possible, if to help it to be realized outside of the house. For example, to engage in charity, creativity - to show oneself not only at a plate, but also in other areas of being.