Others - with other lives
"Are you for me?" - Aha ... "
© m / f "Vovka in the far end of the kingdom"
Human life is unique. Nobody else, even having an opinion and idea about how to do anything right, has no right to vilify, command, and so on. After all, in fact, pointing out the "correct" coordinate system, the adviser at the same time should also take responsibility for the result. The result of an act (or a series of actions), the result of a decision or education ... But how else? And he, this harmful "other person", imagine - advise advises, and take responsibility - does not take! What a bastard?
However, let's imagine a more everyday situation. Mom came to visit her daughter or take care of her grandson while the young parents go to the theater. And here comes a very difficult moment. On the one hand, if a young mother is characterized by low self-esteem and self-doubt, she will agree with the method of grandmother's education and not say a word "across." On the other hand, if your work is done for you, then what kind of control can we talk about? Only thanks!
And here comes the natural question: how does low self-esteem and self-confidence and living of one's own, unique life combine? After all, we live for ourselves, and no one will lead our lives for us!
In whose opinion is it based?
Someone says: "She is not beautiful." Another: "She's just ugly." The third: "And nothing girl, in the juice!" Who to believe? And who is to blame for low self-esteem, self-doubt - those who are too obtrusive to express their opinions or themselves?
In my life there were several such situations. For example, the grandmother used to say: "Everyone does that!" And with the teenage fervor that was characteristic of me, I said: "Who exactly? Have you interviewed everyone you know? "
Usually, it's useless to appeal to logic. And if a person says that everyone does this, or in this situation there is only one way out - the right one, then you should take care of yourself. Otherwise, if you take someone else's opinion seriously or as the only true one, you can earn a low self-esteem on an equal footing and find such an undesirable in our time uncertainty in yourself.
What is the basis for thinking about yourself, what is the result of self-esteem?
Normal, healthy self-esteem is a very useful thing in many spheres of life. That's why it's worthwhile first to see what it really should be composed of. As a rule, this is an average of:
- opinions of others on this or that question;
- knowledge of close people about you;
- the way you acted in different situations;
- what you know, know how, do, and how well you cope with tasks.
Self-confidence is not the original knowledge "whatever I do, everything will turn out." These are real data, life facts, on which it is entirely possible to draw. The more you perform in front of larger audiences, the more confident you will feel next time. The more often you erase - the more closely you are to the details, which means that the better the finished work will look. Therefore, with a large, sorry for the pun, confidence can be said that self-confidence is a skill.
Where is the "norm"?
But sometimes we tend to misjudge and perceive the events of our lives. I did something I never did before, and it turned out - and we say: "Come on, it was natural. This is normal!"
Of course, the concept of the norm is very conditional. In any field, even in physics. What are they - "normal conditions"? How correctly ("normally") to act in this or that case - divorcing or leaving the child? And if you were in other conditions - would you also solve the problem?
So that's it. If you set the norm, that things are done, and unfamiliar actions are obtained as if by themselves - then life will become much more difficult. It turns out that everything that did not work or did not happen right away, not completely - this is a "bad" action. What is fundamentally wrong.
It was only at school that we were asked at home to learn a lesson and scolded for every mistake. In life, you have to retrain, moving to another model of relationships with the world. An error is a valuable experience that would be foolish to miss. So, let's praise ourselves for the mistakes! To praise and extract wisdom, in order to subsequently enter a more profitable way for oneself.
Your life is your way
Insecurity is a fear of making mistakes. "Now, I'll go up to him, start blushing and stutter. He will think that I'm a fool any! "And that's good! Dura can do anything. She has the right to make a mistake. And if this fool is also smart, then she will extract from the error as much useful as she can. And this only in a positive way will affect her self-esteem. Wow, another would have gone - and did not notice, but I realized that (a, b, c ...)
And besides. There is always the strongest. And if you deal exclusively with positive thinking, raising self-esteem and gaining confidence, you can move one important trait. You can not overlook when confidence turns into pride, and high self-esteem prevents you from taking life lessons from situations. And if it is low - you have a huge potential for self-improvement ...
Be yourself, be happy with what is, but notice new horizons - and you will succeed.