Usually a man is diagnosed with a rhinosis "a demon in the rib," and a young person next to him - a faintness for the condition, and the achievements of the senior boyfriend. And no one even thinks that these people can truly love each other and be close, like no other. Confidence gossipers knows no boundaries, and what's there to think - everything is already visible. She is good for him in her daughter, they are even often confused, he - even a little bit and will not demand love and passion, and semolina for breakfast and sleeping pills for the night. What kind of love can we talk about? Only calculation, and in no other way. The most common expression that can be found in marriage when the husband is older is: "You do not see, she is just waiting for him to" skip off the horse ", what would be the inheritance .." At the same time, as practice shows, such gossip turns out to be unfounded, but cast a good shadow on faith and a luminous feeling. Do not think, no one will convince anyone that this is love, and only if the cases when the girls fall in love not with a man, but with the number of zeros in the bank account, and the presence of many "portraits" of Benjamin Franklin in the purse, but such an exception may only to confirm the rule that feelings also exist.
It is also usually considered that unequal marriages, even with the presence of feelings, are simply doomed to failure. And for this there are several main reasons.
So let's, still consider how marriage really looks like when a man is older.
Who is going on what?
Usually the phrase about love for "just like that," is deceptive, even with the most breathtaking novel. If it were really "for nothing, but for nothing", then our love would be eternal and spread to the first person we met, and so every time we saw an individual of the opposite sex. He will stop at a certain person, and give all his feelings to him, forcing exactly these qualities, for the manifestations of which we subsequently love and the object of our choice. It can be appearance, mind, manner of acting, some special abilities, skills, habits, character traits. And the more we know the person we like, the more such "hooks" we find, which strengthens our attraction to each other.
It happens to everyone, regardless of age, sex, and social status. Therefore, in an unequal marriage, there are necessarily reasons why a man older chose a young girl, and a woman - paid attention to a solid person, older than her.
But let's start in order.
Usually the average common age difference between married people is 3-5 years. What is quite normal is perceived by society and is easily explained from the point of view of psychology. The fact is that, in the main, couples begin to legitimize relations after they reach a certain social maturity. But since women in this regard are doing well, then at a difference of 5 years, they calmly find a common language, because they are on the same level of their social development.
In situations where a man is older than a woman by 10.20, or even 30 years, another law is already in force. Here, not only the age difference is initially inherent, but also quite large differences in the worldview, life goals, aspirations, and the general understanding and perception of life as such. But, these partners are initially attracted to each other as a magnet. The reason that a woman usually attracts his maturity, experience, lack of wind in his head, and childishness, with such a person, she can feel secure, confident in the future, stability. And for a man older, such a young creature, it turns like a juvenile apple, and it is simply touched by this spontaneity, naivety, tenderness and youth. So the man himself can feel a temporary burst of strength and energy, as they say, to feel the second youth. He feels himself in great shape, and he sees this marriage as an opportunity to start life anew. Therefore, for men such a marriage with a young person, often becomes the second, or the third, when behind the shoulders already have experience of family life. Usually such zeal "to start from scratch", is born in men at the moment of experiencing a crisis of middle age, and lasts about 2-3 years. After the fog comes down, and a man can really assess the situation - the marriage breaks up.
Causes of decay .
The reason that couples go to such a step as an unequal marriage, and the desire to fill all their life shortages, in the emotional plan, also becomes.
The desire of a girl to marry a man older than her can be affected by the absence of the father in the family where she grew up, her early loss, or the passive participation of the father of the family in the upbringing and life of the children. She tries to fill two empty niches with one man by her own family: to see him as her husband, and to receive paternal care and support. In this case, the reason for the separation will be the growing up of the girl. After all, children sooner or later leave the family nest, and no longer need the guardianship of their parents. And if at the beginning such a difference does not greatly confuse the couple, then after a time, a change in life principles, values and requirements can make them strangers.
Looking at the situation through the eyes of a man, we will see a slightly different picture of what is happening. Here the sexual uncertainty of a man will play a big role, as well as the fear of comparison. After all, around there are older women, and more experienced, but still the same attractive and lonely. But for some reason, the choice falls on a young creature that looks at the world through rose-colored glasses. The fact that subconsciously a man realizes that he has long been not the same as before, and maybe right now he has a period in which it is not always possible to flash before the lady with all his skills and virtues. Experienced women held have, with what to compare and know what they want, then, as a young inexperienced creature perceives everything, as a matter of seldom making any demands. Accordingly, qualitatively makes life easier for a man. In general, everything happens in life, the main thing is that you cherish your feelings, regardless of age.