"You do not understand me !!" - how often children and their parents hear this phrase from each other !! But in fact very recently this girl with lovely freckles and thin pigtails said: "Mom, you are the best!".
So what happened? Why do our relationships with mothers change over the course of our lives? And not always for the better! How to protect yourself from the problems in the relationship "Mother and Daughter", and get on the right path of two friends, trusting each other all the secrets?
Psychologists argue that all negative situations in our lives will necessarily impose their imprint on a mature life. And indeed, really, without noticing it, growing up, we turn into our mothers.
And we make the same mistakes in relation to our daughters, which they did to us. What causes problems between mothers and their daughters? No matter how trite it sounds, but the roots have to be looked for in childhood.
Mother and daughter, problem number 1
How often did mom say to you: "What kind of girl are you !?" You're a dude! Well, who are you? "So what? Well, you will think, the problem - a dress has torn also коленки has broken! But at this moment the first fear creeps into the child's brain - I'm not like my mother, not so feminine, not so tender. With age, fear turns into a phobia. And you try your best to be so "white and fluffy", although you do not want it at all, but Mom said ...
The era of marshmallow girls has passed! Now all the women are completely different, but that's all the charm! You can be an angel today, and tomorrow an insufferable tomboy! Let this be your highlight. After all, we are women, so fickle, and so with us so interesting!
Mother and daughter, problem number 2
Wishing you all the best, the mother unconsciously (and sometimes specially) creates a certain problem in your relationship. She wants you to be her copy, tries to realize in you, in her own daughter, all your unfulfilled desires and dreams. Music school, dancing, gymnastics, and a lot more! And all because my mother did not do this in her childhood! But you do not bring this special pleasure ...
Understand that it's different to be like a mother and to be her clone! You are an individual! Be yourself! Incarnate your ideas, your desires. And let it be even a section of boxing! After all, you like it.
Mother and daughter, problem number 3
For our mother, we always remain the best and most beautiful, but why then did we hear insulting words more than once? "What are you thin!", "You are always out of place," "What are your crooked legs." Yes, many more things! And the most "best" phrase: "Who are you so need ?!". Immediately it seems that the daughter - a kind of Quasimodo-sloven. And no normal man will agree with you even to get on one bus, not to mention making you an offer of a hand and a heart.
Work on your inner self. Learn to love yourself, despite what people around you say. Raise your self-esteem, listen to your inner world. And remember: all people are individual, there are no absolute handsome men and absolute freaks. In everyone there is something that distinguishes it from others. It is only necessary to teach this difference in the right light that is beneficial to you.
Mother and daughter, problem number 4
You constantly swear, your mother criticizes you for the wrong choice of dress, perfume, work, etc. She does not like your friends, your cat and (God forbid) your husband. And all this she expresses to you not in the direct text, but "absolutely by accident"! But all its appearance shows how much it does not suit her.
Solving the problem : Talk with your mother on an equal footing - about her feelings, about your relationships, about your views on life. Do not be afraid to say that you do not like it. Let me understand that your life is your life. Offer to find a common way out of the situation. Try to do something together - go shopping, go to the beauty salon. Having heard from Mum any problem - give her advice in unobtrusive form. Try and understand your mother. Unable to cope with the situation - she unconsciously criticizes you, her daughter, while wishing you the best!
Mother and daughter, problem number 5
Your mom is literally living your life. All she needs to know about you. Constantly you regret, sympathize and cry at any your sullen mood - than causes so huge irritation! And when you start to get angry with her - it causes even more tears and emotions !!!
Understand my mother - she is afraid to become useless for her daughter, for whom she was a King and God as a child. And then it turns out that even without it you cope! For the mother, this is a very big shock! Talk to her about your independence, and how good that she is there and you can rely on her!
And if everything is useless ... Well, you do not find a common language with your mother, no matter how hard you try! Take her for who she is, if only because she is your mother - the person who gave birth and brought you up exactly like that. And, most importantly: remember that we too will someday be mothers, and it is not yet known how we will behave with our daughters. So, raising a daughter, look back at your childhood, and try not to repeat the situations and words that led you to frenzy and annoyance. Be for your baby friend and adviser. It is possible that with your daughter you will be friends who did not become with your mother.
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