Loneliness weighs and leads to depressive thoughts. How often do you want to talk to someone, discuss your business, problems, or share your joy. Namely, at this moment there is no one around who can listen. And then loneliness knocks in a whiskey with a desperate question: "Why do not I have friends ?!". Let's try to figure out what friends are for, and how to make them appear.
Often a person thinks that he does not need anyone. There is a certain amount of truth in this. In fact, each of us is needed only for ourselves, it is unlikely that someone will take care of us just like that. Are not parents or relatives, and even then not always. And what would be considered a hackneyed and banal phrase, but in fact our life is really only in our own hands. Many are looking for advice from psychologists, "I have no friends" - a phrase that can often be heard in our society. What are friends for? In order not to feel lonely, to give someone their love, so that they can rejoice with their victories and cry in case of defeat. Does not this confirm our selfish trait? The need for friendship is part of our concern for ourselves. But in order to have a friend, you need to be ready for friendship yourself.
Who is a friend?
He is a close-minded person with whom you are associated with a warm, trusting relationship, you have affection for him, you have common interests. Try to look around yourself, to look at the people around you, on the other hand. Is there really not a single person who has no common interests with you? Psychologists say that the most common mistake of single people is that they do not notice people around them. Some do not like the outward appearance, some seem ridiculous, and the other is simply not good enough for the rank of "my friend." And a lonely person is sitting, waiting for the phenomenon of that most ideal friend from somewhere, literally reveling in his own state and feeling sorry for himself. So it is impossible to find friends.
Picture of the world.
In order to receive heat, it must be learned to give. You need friendship, which means that you must first meet your future friendships. For this to happen, you need to change your view of the world. It's not as difficult as it might seem at first. Let's imagine that the world is a huge picture that it is impossible to capture with a glance all at once. And you move your eyes from one thing or another to another. It's raining, it's damp, cold and sad. But on the other side of the rain - a rainbow. Next to her children laugh and play, slapping barefoot on warm rain puddles. A little further - the warm sun, the sea and the beach, on which it is so pleasant to relax, shines. Did you get the gist? Our mood and attitude change depending on which part of the picture of the world we are looking at. However, the picture as a whole does not change. We just concentrate our attention on those subjects that are pleasant to us, while changing our feelings for positive ones. This simple method, based on the ability to look at events from a different point of view, has a complex name for reframing. A little workout - and you will see how easily your perception of the surrounding world changes. And just as easily you can find in the surrounding people the positive moments that will give rise to new friendships.
Ability and ability to listen.
The most important thing is to learn how to be a good friend yourself. Psychologists believe that in this matter - the ability and ability to listen. Of course, we want to express everything we care about, share our sore. Our friends want this too. If you throw all your problems on your new friend, ease your soul and go home, then this person is unlikely to want to meet with you again. After all, he certainly expected from you a reciprocal desire to listen to himself. Pay attention to how you behave when you listen to the interlocutor. You are tired of yawning, looking to the side, interrupting, proving how wrong he is, apologizing and leaving, referring to business? So you can not keep a friend. Friendship implies mutual interest in matters and problems. You need to be able to listen to the person to the end, give him the opportunity to explain, and most try to understand and help. So you deserve the trust, you will be appreciated and will certainly be included in the list of good friends. Start by observing your behavior during the story of another person. Are you annoyed, are you striving to immediately enter into a dispute and convince him of your point of view? Try to become calmer, kinder and more attentive to the interlocutor.
Low self-esteem.
Perhaps the emergence of friendship is hampered by a low self-esteem. Well, reframing will help you in this. Every person is beautiful? Everyone can find both negative and positive traits. We need to accept people and ourselves as we are. Be engaged in search of the advantages, they are available at any. Do not hide them. Perhaps, it is your dignity and interests that will become the stage that will attract friends to you.
Do not close!
Do not close out of external interest. Before you enroll someone in your friends list, you probably want to get to know a person better, to get acquainted with his attitude. This is expected of you. Do not hide in your shell, let future friends appreciate you, your bad and good sides, see your true face. Friendship implies a trusting relationship, if you are not ready for it, reconsider your behavior.
How and where to find friends?
And the last problem is where and how. Sitting at home on the couch, you can not meet anyone at all. Therefore, try to visit more often in different places, at evening parties, exhibitions, working events, wherever you can meet like-minded people. A benevolent attitude towards the people present, participation in the conversations will certainly attract to you a few people who, in the future, will become your friends. And in the future you can ask for advice from friends, because you will not be a lonely person! Let failures do not bother you, because with such communication you accumulate personal experience, learn. Analyze your mistakes, look at the world from a different angle and go boldly forward to your goal.
If these tips of psychologists did not help you, maybe you are the bearer of a deeper psychological problem. In that case, do not hesitate to contact a psychologist. Many people just so found peace and got rid of obsessive thoughts. We hope that you will benefit from the advice of psychologists, and you will have more friends!