Should the girl be the first to call, ask for a phone number, start flirting, talk to a cute guy-such conversations are not new at all, and discussions on this topic have been going on for a very long time, and there is still no single point of view. It would seem that all sources will begin to unanimously say that the girl should not first take any steps towards the relationship, and in general, she should remain a mystery throughout all relations. But even then there will be those who will violate these rules, there will be new discussions: can they be violated and what will happen.
You must determine for yourself what it means for you to take the first step, and how you want your elect to behave in the initiative plan. One likes to show it, the other to accept and respond to signs of attention. But, despite all this, each of us acts according to the situation, choosing a more correct choice, according to the level of relations, the nature of the couple, the circumstances, the mood at the moment.
Some girls are very worried about the lack of initiative of their chosen one. If for a while the guy stops calling them or she notices that he began to show signs of attention much less often, such remarks become a clear sign for anxiety. The girl starts to inspire herself that the guy has cooled to her, that he does not really need him now and most likely during this time (albeit very shortly) he managed to fall in love with another girl and completely forget the previous one. Maybe she is not the girl at all, and now he even starts to irritate him? While the girl repeatedly thinks about the reasons why it happens, revises the history of relations and looks for another trick, the guy can be busy studying, the birthday of his beloved sister, some problem that suddenly arose with his friend, or wait for him the girl will call. And why not, because he seemed to like that she likes it?
Agree, the situation is not new and it looks pretty silly. Why then does this happen? Why do we often torment ourselves with the question: should the girl first call her boyfriend (the advice of a psychologist in this situation seems to us just necessary!)? And why, when we choose for ourselves the answer to this question, do we continue to lose ourselves in doubt, worry about the same incident and are still not sure of our actions?
Psychologists say that the reason for our experience in the case of waiting for a call is due to the fact that we are adjusting the partner to the stereotyped nature of our thinking. After all, the fact that a girl should take the first step is really a stereotype. They are also the fact that the first step should be taken by a man, as well as constantly showing signs of attention to his girlfriend, to give her gifts and, undoubtedly, to remind how much he loves her, from time to time so that she has no reason to doubt.
We do not need stereotypes, in fact, they are stuck in our minds since early childhood. Each of us grows in the world from already formed certain stereotypes, norms of a society. After all, the fact that a man calls you less often does not mean that he began to less love you, and vice versa - do you really think that the love of a man depends on the consistency of his calls?
If this really means a lot to you and you need your boyfriend to call you first - tell him about it. It is much better to warn about your desires, to discuss frankly what you need - and then you will not have to worry any more.
After all, otherwise, it may happen that people, instead of just loving each other, supporting, spending free time together and "treating" each other from the surrounding stresses, begin to think about how they should behave, what is worth doing, to keep the relationship, how to make the man call first, how to hint the guy about their desires. From this it turns out that the girls are in vain worried, and there are too many superfluous thoughts, which for your relations represent only a threat.
In fact, it does not matter who does what first, who is second or third, how it does it and whether it corresponds to a stereotypical ideal. How trivial it does not sound - but be yourself, leave all unnecessary emotions about this, because if you have a boyfriend it means that he has already chosen you and you, of course, are the best girl for him, otherwise he would spend time with by someone else.
There are many different stereotypes that force us to doubt our actions. One of them is that a woman should remain unapproachable, constantly attract her companion, for when she will be the first to show any feelings to him, she will cease to be interesting to him. This is not true. A goal that can not be achieved is in vain, and interest in it falls as quickly as it does to the immediately found target. Guys also feel the need for us to prove to them their love, so that we respond to their signs of attention and recognize them as the only and best of our patrons.
Relationships are important feelings and sincerity, the power of your love. Be more sincere with your partner if you are concerned about something, as for the two of you - share it with him, suddenly it's not your own, and otherwise, you can solve this problem together, because you are one. Choose for yourself what matters, and what to be a trifle, and what not to pay attention to.
Adjusting to other people's beliefs, you only limit your life. Asking yourself, should the girl first call her boyfriend, leave the particle "must" and think: do I want to call him now? Do I need this? Would he like it now, and it would be appropriate? The advice of a psychologist, in the first place, is based precisely on your feelings.
If yes - do not torment yourself with doubts, because love is not a theater, and not a formula, act as you see fit and how you feel.