Psychologists argue about this. Some argue that there is no father's instinct. Maybe father's love, affection, but not instinct. But after all, in the living nature, we see its manifestations! Take at least penguins. Their females are awful sloths: after laying eggs, they immediately go to the sea to eat fish, swim, and recover. And the future chicks are hatching males. Staying in this state for several weeks, self-sacrificing daddies lose up to 40% of the weight, and this, by the way, is 5-6 kg! And although most men and future dads are not in a hurry to repeat feats of penguins, fathers, love for children in them still laid. In this is sure another category of psychologists and, incidentally, their majority.
At each stage of the life cycle, the role of the pope in the family for the baby develops new principles of existence, values and rules of behavior. For example, the main task of a young married couple who do not yet have children is to develop a way of life suitable for both spouses. But here comes the third member of the family - a kid who needs constant care and attention. He is still very small, but he already needs to adapt to the elements of his personality! Often additional responsibility for the child becomes a serious test for the young family, an impetus to conflict situations. During this period, the previous rules and rules for the life of the spouses are collapsing and new ones are emerging.
The husband and wife get used to the roles of father and mother that are unusual for them. And the young dad is often not ready for these changes. The role of the father in the family for the baby is complicated: after all, he did not pass the long test of pregnancy and childbirth. And when the mother plunges into the cares of the crumb, the young dad can feel alienation, rivalry, helplessness. Trying to maintain his emotional well-being, he seeks different ways to avoid parental responsibilities and responsibilities. It takes time for the man to see himself truly in the role of father in the family for the baby.
What are dads afraid of?
It can not be said that moms love their babies more, and fathers less. Just men and women love in different ways. Maternal love is blind: a woman accepts a child with all the advantages and disadvantages. Men are more exacting and objective. They rarely lisp, less often turn a blind eye to misconduct, but they are punished, as a rule, infrequently and only on business.
There are other differences . Women often smile at kids, but the new role of the father in the family for the baby is this: men are more willing to take their offspring in their arms. Mothers adore to lead with a child long intimate conversations, fathers prefer to talk to active activities like football in a forest glade or cushion battles in the children's room.
In women, the maternity program is inherent, and men need to mature before they become fathers. Many fathers really feel feelings towards children, when that turns 2-3 years, not earlier.
This is not because fathers do not like plump pink babies, but because they are ... afraid of them. According to psychologists, every second man has no idea how to communicate with a young child and therefore is afraid to harm him with his inept actions. That's why many daddies under torture do not agree to transplant the baby, change a diaper or cut his nails.
There are also representatives of the stronger sex who are sincerely convinced that young children, above all, need a mother, not a father. They are ready to help with housework, clean up the apartment, go to the store for baby food, but as far as communicating with the baby and caring for him is to my mother. The role of the father in the family for the baby is manifested in patiently waiting for his "party", when the baby grows up to at least 4-7 years old and with it it will be possible to chat or assemble the aircraft from the designer.
Steps to awakening
However, the child needs the role of the father in the family for the baby no less than in the mother's affection and tenderness. Moreover, from birth - in the literal sense of the diaper. Studies show that even newborns distinguish their fathers among men, trying to smile at them. What can we say about older children! Therefore, the earlier your chosen one gets his father's feelings for the baby, the better. If the parent's instinct does not hurry to awaken, try the following.
Step # 1
Tell your husband about everything that you feel during pregnancy.
A man is not a clairvoyant: he has no idea about those physical sensations that you experience, he does not know how the baby behaves in the womb. Therefore, if possible, go along with her husband on ultrasound - this, of course, will make a strong impression on him. Call your husband with you to the courses of expectant mothers. He categorically refuses? Well, you'll have to resort to cunning: say that you are not feeling well, and ask to accompany you. He will see there not only future mothers, but also future fathers and will cease to be embarrassed. Encourage the spouse's desire to "talk" with the tummy in every possible way, letting the child feel the foot inside the leg - all this brings the parents together and develops the father's feelings for the man.
Joint birth is a special topic. On the one hand, many men who were present at birth say that the father's instinct was awakened in them immediately, as soon as the child was born. After all, while the beloved came to, it was the father who first took the baby in his arms and even cut his umbilical cord (this fact is a subject of special male pride). On the other hand, some particularly impressionable representatives of the stronger sex after the test by birth feel a physical disgust for the wife, which affects both sex and family relationships in general. Therefore, it is better not to insist that the husband accompanies you to the maternity ward, if he is categorically against it.
Step # 2
Do not be afraid to entrust the husband with the role of father in the family for the baby and part of the cares for the child. Many mothers themselves put everything on themselves, and then wonder why the husband in relation to his son or daughter takes the position of an indifferent observer. But the formula of love has long been known: love is a concern. Psychologists say that the most important thing we value is the relationship in which they themselves have invested a lot of mental and physical strength. This applies to any relationship - child-parent, friendly, loving and professional. Give your husband the opportunity to "invest" in the child: let him help to bathe the baby, walk with the stroller, do a little massage for the baby. And to feed the crumb from the bottle is also not great science, will cope! It is important only that these duties do not become compulsory and "accountable" for the pope.
Even if he, from your point of view, did everything wrong: put a red jersey on the green sliders or smeared the baby while feeding the fruit puree from head to foot - do not criticize the husband. If the daddy and the kid were pleased with each other, maybe you should not pay attention to various trifles?
Step # 3
Tell your husband about everything that happened to the baby for the day, while Dad was at work. Of course, you do not need to bore and describe in detail how many times you had to change a diaper, but here's information about how the baby ate, what a new word he learned, what he played, the dad will certainly listen with interest. And yet no man will not miss the remark: "Today I was once again convinced that the son is your copy" or "You know, the daughter is sleeping exactly in the same position as you."
Step # 4
Give your husband the opportunity to play the role of father in the family for the baby and organize communication with your daughter or son in your own way, even if you do not like that they throw toys around the room or come back from the football field with "chicken pigs".