Mom, Dad and two wonderful kids. Peace and love reign in the house ... Is it possible to achieve
such a perfect family ideal?
Finally, you decided to give birth to a second baby - a great idea! But, of course, do not rely on an absolute idyll.
In order not to be disappointed, let's get ready for some difficulties beforehand. We will not talk about material and everyday things, they are most often taken into account first of all: what to feed, where to live, where to find time to raise two children and home affairs ... However, there is one more, not so obvious, but no less important the problem is the psychological state of the older child. Just imagine the situation: he lived in peace, adored by everyone, unique and unrepeatable, and here is a "gift" for you! He screams, does not give a sleep, everyone with him rushes, they do not notice you, and even they love to force him! And they promised that you can play with him, well, with whom to play here? And when he even turns into a normal person !? They also swear, they say that I have become harmful.Eh, nobody loves me, no one understands ... Such thoughts and feelings and an adult before depression can bring, so what then is a little man ?!
How to be? Do not give birth repeatedly so as not to injure your child? Naturally, this is not an option. Let's try to circumvent all sharp angles beforehand.
You do not need to wait for the ninth month (or, worse, the birth of an infant) to "please" the older child. "Man in two years, seven, and twenty-seven (remember how your husband reacted to the news of your pregnancy) it takes time to realize and accept this fact.Therefore, it is better to start preparing a baby for the idea of ​​replenishing the family in advance - so the question of the growing abdomen will disappear of itself.
Discuss!
Not all children are happy with this message, so in a word, and in a way, awaken tenderness in a child. Let's stroke your rounded tummy, feel the tremors (see, the kid sends you greetings!), Read together the "tummy" of the fairy tale, sing songs, etc. Of course, do not forget to engage with the eldest and "without the participation" of the younger, without involving him attention. Quite often the child wants, well, or at least agrees only to the sister (or only to the brother) and does not even want to admit about the baby of the opposite sex! In this case, you can try two options for the conversation.
Option number 1 . "We did not know who would be born, but you turned out. My dad and I love you very much, but if you were a girl, then we would not have loved you less. "
Perhaps you actually planned a child of the opposite sex, do not hesitate to tell the kid about it. Just be sure to emphasize that you adore him the way he is!
Option number 2 . "You have a girlfriend, Masha. Do you like her? You like to play with it. And the sister will ever be like this, is it bad? "
If you are practically not separated from your baby from birth, then a sharp switching mother's attention to another child can become a real shock.
How can this be avoided?
1. Long before the advent of the second child, gradually accustom the baby to communicate with other people without your participation.
2. If you plan to give the elder to the kindergarten, do it at least a few weeks, and preferably months before the birth. It is very important that the child does not associate the reduction of the time spent with the mother with the birth of the younger! The need to visit kindergarten, he can perceive, as a desire to get rid of it! So give him time to get used to, love the team.
3. If the older child used to sleep near you, and now you are going to move him to another room, plan the "move" in advance, because he will have to give up the place next to his beloved parents to the "stranger"! Emphasize that now the elder will have his own room. Let will take part in repair, consider its wishes at a choice of furniture, wall-paper.
In case you are late with the change of rooms and the baby has already appeared, you can temporarily populate the father with the older child. Then he first gets used to changing the situation, and after a couple of months he will learn to sleep alone. Gradualness and consistency in this matter clearly will not hurt.
There is an exit.
When a small one has already appeared, a new problem often arises: the use of the elder's personal belongings (crib, bedding, toys, books, etc.). Agree, it's silly to buy a new blanket for a crumb, if the oldest of them has clearly grown. And why the four-year-old baby rattles? But for some reason, the message that will have to share with the youngest, causes a storm of emotions and an outcry. Some parents do not pay attention to it ("Will perebesitsya!"). Other, on the contrary, in order not to upset the child, they are buying everything new ("Children should have their own things, they can not be taken away!"). Naturally, parents are obliged to take into account the wishes of the child. But only here litter the house, too, somehow do not want to. And, frankly, it's not cheap at all ... So again we are showing cunning and ingenuity. We come up with several options so as not to repeat.
Option number 1 . Occasionally you can say: "You're already big, soon you'll be just like Dad!" But remember that the feeling of pride does not always win the desire to be still a small and very, very beloved.
Option number 2 . Let's play with old, long-hidden toys-rattles. Believe, very quickly interest to them will be gone. And then we offer to give this good to a little one. Only gently, unobtrusively, that the initiative emanates, as if from himself. We will not forget, then tell (at the child) the pope or grandmother, what a wonderful, not very greedy son (or daughter), and what a wonderful idea to make such a gift for a crumb!
Option number 3 . We buy two new books or toys for the older child. But we "divide equally" - each one by one, and then we offer an exchange on behalf of the younger one.He also did not read the old cardboard book about Kolobok, so it may change. As a result, you bought the elder what you already collected, and he gave it painlessly something of its own.
Gradually the senior will learn to share, will get used to share love and attention of parents with another little man, and soon he will fall in love with a crumb. The main thing is that mom and dad do not demand this, but gently help awaken love and tenderness. And, of course, it is very important to do everything possible to prevent children's jealousy, because it is the main cause of most conflicts. This problem to some extent rises in front of all parents. And it manifests itself in different ways.
The older child can become aggressive, quick-tempered, or may, on the contrary, become withdrawn in himself. It is not necessary to hope, that in due course all will pass by itself. Jealousy is a destructive feeling that can engender a variety of fears and complexes.
Most often, mother needs to carefully analyze her own behavior, and then she will understand what exactly is disturbed in her relationships with children and will be able to bring peace and tranquility to the family.
Let's give some examples.
Option number 1 . Mom spent nine months wearing a crumb under her heart, now she feeds her baby, does not part with him either day or night. It is quite natural that she feels herself one with him. But only in doing this, she opposes herself to the older one (we and you). In the best case, the pope enters the "camp" opposite to his mother, at worst the elder remains alone against the three.
Option number 2 . Mom is insanely afraid that the eldest can cause harm to the crumb, so it does not even allow you to get close again, and not what to touch. Communication consists of directions and directives: "Do not come! Do not talk loud! Go to another room! ", Etc.
Option number 3 . There is such a stupid saying: "First a nanny, then a lilk." But the essence of the problem in this proverb is accurately reflected, often the mothers shift some of their duties to the older child, who somehow immediately becomes "already quite grown up." Excuse me, but did you give birth to whom? Of course, Mom needs help. Only here to improve the relationship with domestic chores is better to do together, and not instead of mom.
Dear mothers, look at yourself from the side. If you see your mistakes, you will find a way to fix them. After all, no one knows your children better than you. Simply love your little ones, give them enough attention, and together, and each one separately. And then your family will necessarily become strong and friendly.