Your child went to the kindergarten or to the school Sasha or Mashenka, and returned Teletubbies, Ochkarik or Giraffe ... You invented a name for him with love and tenderness, and sharp-tongued peers stitched the name, wanting to play a trick, tease or even offend. But do not rush to immediately understand who is to blame, flee for explanations to the offenders, quarrel with their parents. Think about why your child was called so or so? And anyway, what do the nicknames of our children say? You will be surprised, but very much! Read up to the end - it's very interesting.
Why are they called?
Nicknames and "calls" - a test for durability, which passes almost any child. So to say, a tribute to socialization. Children's team very early reveals exciting games "I'm friends / not friendly", "we accept / do not accept". A nickname can be a label for "someone else's" or a sign of acceptance for "one's own".
Children can come up with a nickname or teaser:
• To attract the attention of someone who is teased, or others. It's so interesting - when a peer chases you around the class! Sometimes the teasing does not even understand what can offend and seriously anger the person.
• As a protective reaction. "I'm small, and even with glasses. I do not know how to fight. It remains only to call the offender more feasible, to invent a funny nickname for him. "
• To assert yourself at the expense of an insecure peer, show everyone "who is the boss" in the classroom or in the group.
• To avenge some insult, real or imaginary
• In a joke, without any malice.
• Under the influence of a popular film, a cartoon.
Ishak and Masyanya: where do the nicknames come from.
Most often, the nickname arises from a surname or a name. So the boy Kostya becomes a crutch, the girl Soloveva - Nightingale. Such nicknames may be neutral, or may be offensive. Nine-year-old Misha was very upset when, through simple transformations-Misha-Mishak-Ishak-got a nickname. "It's insulting to be the Ishak - the one they ride on!"
A rich soil for the nicknames gives the appearance of the child. Growth, build, facial expressions, unusual details of clothes - the sharp-sighted eye of peers notices everything. A tall, strong boy can easily become an Elk, and a small and thin - Rachit.
Sometimes nicknames are given for some character traits, habits, hobbies. Pyatiklassnik Sasha adored cars Mercedes, collected candy wrappers with their images and all boasted that when he grows, he will buy a six hundredth "Mers". It is logical that the "Mercedes" he was nicknamed, and with this nickname he was proud.
And the nickname can be part of the role-playing game, when the children "play" in the liked characters in the movies or cartoons. Winnie the Pooh and Piglet - it's generally a children's classic. At one time, schools swept the fashion for the characters of the "X-Files" - there were countless Meldors (or simply Foxes). Skinner and Scully. Until now, watching Disney cartoons, the children call friends Chip and Dale, Zzhik, Gadget, Scrooge. In recent years, Masyanya, Hrundel added to this list. The whole company Smesharikov and other cartoon characters.
Well, if the nickname is like a child or he treats her calmly. Well, if he takes offense, cries, fights? What should parents do: deal with the offenders, complain to the teacher, transfer the child to another school?
Sometimes in the lower grades, some girl Sveta is all teased with a light napkin. And suddenly, literally in six months, she becomes "Svetlana-Beauty". What happened? Yes, her inner vision of herself, and, consequently, her appearance, simply changed, because it depends heavily on self-esteem, self-perception. And the old nickname fell off like a peel.
"Who calls himself, he himself is called!"
"Educate self-confidence, eliminate shortcomings" - universal advice. And yet, what to do "here and now" when your child came from a kindergarten or school in tears?
Psychologists do not recommend "from the spot" to rush to deal with the offenders. First, your child can earn a reputation as a "sneak pee" as a result. Secondly, he will often use his ability to cope with his difficulties on his own more than once. Thirdly, if your intervention does not succeed, you will lose a significant part of your authority in the eyes of your son or daughter. Fourthly, it is possible that your child is too emotionally perceived enough innocuous teasers.
So, the option "to come to school and frighten all" is left for the extreme cases, which we have to face not so often. These are cases of organized persecution, systematic humiliation, when all are united against one. But even in this case, no matter how righteous anger you burn, it will be more useful for a child simply to transfer to another school. As for ordinary call-teasers, any child is able to learn to resist them.
Internal reaction.
Explain to the child: the name is a worldly business, they are not avoided by successful people. The famous actress, beautiful Anna Kovalchuk, who played Margarita, classmates called "Lom" - for high growth. Actor Vladislav Galkin, the main "trucker" of the country, in his childhood was just "Kulka". Writer Alexander Green, the author of Scarlet Sails, was offended at the gymnasium by the nickname Green-Blin (his real name was Grinevsky). Then this nickname became his pseudonym. And famous politicians? They often get very poisonous nicknames, of which "Luzhok" and "Zhirik" are still the most harmless!
Give an example of famous people, you can tell how you yourself called in childhood. Explain that the nickname is a sign that you have been noticed that you are not an empty place for your peers. Try yourself to come up with funny teasers for your own name or name, compete, who will come up with more. This will help the child to stop resenting the callousness. And if he learns to react internally calmly to them - half the problem has already been solved!
External reaction.
For a kid of a kindergarten age, changing your attitude to teasers can be too difficult. Well, then you need to teach him at least "right" to respond and respond to them.
Psychologists do not recommend responding to calls "on increasing" - even more offensive nickname. Fighting with the abuser is also not the best option: maybe it was the fight he wanted to provoke. Showing anger resentment, the child is amenable to manipulation, shows its weak points, and teasing it becomes even more interesting for peers.
Explain this to the child. "When you are offended by the nicknames, you become like a doll, and those who are teased - like puppeteers. They pull the strings and control you as they want. And you do not let them do it. "
A good way is to not react and not to respond to nicknames. Then tease the child will simply be uninteresting, and the offenders will be left behind. Invent and learn with the child the standard phrase: "Who did you call? Me? My name is Sasha. If you want to talk, call me by name. " Rehearse the house so that the child can pronounce these words calmly, restrainedly and firmly.
Another option is a non-standard answer. In the first class, the boy Dima received the nickname "Odnozuby Bull" - for his ruggedness and quick temper. When he was so called, he always threw himself into a fight and thereby confirmed his nickname. His parents advised him to answer the offender next time: "Did you say everything? Then leave me alone. " And the dumbfounded classmate ... fell behind.
The younger children are well helped by rhymed "excuses" - short phrases that can be shouted out in response to teasing:
You call me - you translate into yourself.
Who calls, that's the name!
The crocodile was walking - your word was swallowed. And he left mine!
They allow you to rebuff the offender, leave the last word behind - and at the same time "put out" the conflict.
Another way on the Internet forum was offered by my mother with experience:
"I taught my child in the middle group how to respond. There, too, all the nicknames came up, and he took offense greatly. We began to play in associations, think out with whom or with what it is possible to compare its offenders. He is called, and he says in response: "You are like a green apple - always sour" or "You are like a light bulb that burns forever." At us it even has passed in game. And it turns out ridiculously and the situation is discharged. They stopped calling names. "
Find yourself.
Parents, pay attention to what nicknames the child thinks up to himself, what nickname he likes. In his own image, "packed" in the nickname, a person encrypts important for themselves qualities, what he seeks. The nickname does give a certain range of qualities of the object with which the person associates himself! This is called the "social halo effect". No wonder the Indians, and our ancestors often took a totemic name, associated with some kind of animal. A bear means to be strong and healthy, Wolverine is cunning, agile, flexible.
The nickname constantly strengthens and nourishes those qualities that are underlined in it. If your child is called in the school Terminator - it makes sense to clarify, from which movie, ie. "Good" or "evil". If the kid himself came up with the nickname "Batman" - then, wants to be strong, courageous and determined, as a favorite hero. And ... she will help him in some way.
There is a universal recipe - how to almost certainly save your son or daughter from offensive nicknames. It's simple: treat your child with such respect, as the most respected adult from your environment! Appreciate its qualities in the form in which they are. A child who is loved and respected in the family can be distinguished from the first sight. This "halo of respect", like a halo, surrounds and protects him, gives confidence. Such children will not be teased. And even if they have speech defects, external shortcomings - offensive nicknames to them simply do not stick.