Most of us prefer to be friends with the same gender. It is believed that only "like yourself" can understand, feed, warm - in a word, substitute a friendly shoulder when needed. But why then do many ladies dream of having a male friend (namely, a friend, not a lover)? Is friendship with a man better than with a woman? And are such relationships not degenerating into something more? About what looks like friendship between a man and a woman in fact, and will be discussed below.
MINUSES OF FRIENDSHIP WITH THE WOMAN
Of course, having a close friend is also not bad. There is someone to come and take your soul off by scolding your husband for what the world stands for. There is someone to go shopping and to the theater (you can not often move your own with a crane!) There is someone to go with children to the park or to the children's playground with children. Finally, there is someone to discuss a fashionable diet and complain that again you do not fit into your favorite jeans. A beloved friend will listen, sympathize, talk about their similar problems. And he will help you both. It would seem that everything is good, what else to desire. But, it turns out, there are pitfalls in female friendship, and very unpleasant.
- I love my friend, we are friends with her from school, - says Marina. - Over the years, they have helped each other so many times that they can not count. We became very close, almost native. But I noticed that a friend willingly shares with me sorrows than joy. For example, when I tell her that I was promoted and increased my salary or that a handsome man looks after me, she is somehow tensing internally. And although he tries to show that he is happy for me, but I feel that false notes run through her voice. In response to my words, she begins to complain that no one adds money to her, and men have not looked at her for a long time. At such a time, I feel guilty, because I'm all right, but she does not.
Envy and rivalry between friends is a frequent occurrence. And this seriously hinders friendship, because trust and sincerity disappear, something without which friendly relations are impossible. That's why many women, fearing envy, prefer to keep girlfriends at a certain distance, not letting them get too close to their private lives. And in fact friendly relations are replaced by friendships. Many will argue that not all ladies are like that - there are others who are capable of supporting the other both in sorrow and in joy. Of course there is. Simply, they are few. Therefore, disappointed in the "same-sex" friendship, women are increasingly trying to find consolation in the "bisexual" - they are looking for a friend among men.
THAN A GOOD "MIXED" OPTION
A man is unlikely to come to mind envious of a woman because of new earrings, furniture or an apartment or because a girlfriend has lost weight, and he does not. That is, in the "mixed" friendship (friendship between a man and a woman), the feeling of envy is, as a rule, completely absent. And this makes it very attractive for ladies.
The second thing that such friendship is good for is that a male friend can always get qualified advice and accessible explanations about the mysterious male psychology. "When I argue with my husband or if I do not understand some of his actions," Oksana says, "the first thing I do is call Alyoshka, whom I have been friends with for many years. He will drink me with a valerian, and listen and explain why it is so, and not otherwise. You will not get such an "ambulance" from any friend or psychologist. " By the way, this advantage of "bisexual" friendship is appreciated by men. Those of them who have girlfriends, willingly ask their opinion about why a wife or mistress is so illogical. And often a man tells his girlfriend things that do not even trust his wife.
There is one more plus. Psychologists argue that the presence of a person's friends of the opposite sex strengthens his psyche. This is especially true for women. After all, we need to feel like the air that we like the male sex. It is important for us that we are loved not only for beautiful eyes and slender legs, but also for spiritual qualities. Of course, ideally, all this would be desirable to receive from her husband. But, alas, not everyone is so lucky. But a man-friend sincerely loves you and appreciates you as a person. This inspires confidence in a woman, eliminating many complexes. In addition, friendship with a man helps a lady, which is called, to keep in tone - to watch clothes, figure and other things.
In a word, it turns out that such friendship has only solid pluses. But if everything was so simple! Here, too, there are slippery moments. For example, the theoretical possibility of intimate relations with a friend, disapproving attitude to such friendship of surrounding people and, finally, jealousy of the husband ...
SEX IS NOT GOING HERE!
The probability that friends will become lovers, really is. Sometimes the relationship, looking like a friendship between a man and a woman, imperceptibly for both grow into love. And sometimes they just banally lead to bed. Yes, there is a probability, but it is negligible. And that's why. The fact is that a woman, as a rule, takes a very serious relationship with a man very seriously, giving them great importance. She respects her friend and sympathizes with him (without sympathy there is no friendship, it does not matter whether she likes this to her friend or friend). But she sees in him just a friend, not a man. Because the friendly shoulder, not the passionate embrace of a lover. And the longer the friendship, the less chance that a woman will see a man in her boyfriend, psychologists say. After all, there is no factor of novelty, because of which we sometimes do reckless acts, rushing into the arms of a hardly familiar person.
But men are arranged somewhat differently. Even if they are friends with the lady more than one year, they still see in her a woman. Even if the corner of the eye. This does not mean that they are asleep and see how to drag her to bed. Of course not. But do not deny that under certain circumstances, sex with a girlfriend is possible. To be offended for this on men is stupid - so they are arranged, what can you do. It is just necessary to accept this as a given and try not to give your friend the slightest reason for the development, so to speak, of his basic instinct. That is, do not walk with him alone in the sauna, do not swing his newly bought underwear in front of his nose, etc. After all, a few wrong steps on your part, and he may think that you do not mind that your relationship was not only platonic. And, according to experts, if this happens, friends then usually regret it. Because it is not uncommon for old relationships to be restored after this, and it is difficult to build new ones. Therefore, ladies, be careful!
ON EVERY ROTOK WILL NOT TAKE A TABLET
This is the wisdom of the people. This means that certainly there will be some subject who will look at your friendship suspiciously. Be ready for this. Be prepared also for the fact that, coming out of the entrance with your friend, you risk hearing behind neighbors the whisper of neighbors: "Well, you must, while the husband is at work, she is having a good time." You will have to accept such attacks and try not to pay attention to them. You will not tell every cross-talker to explain and prove that you are just friends, and nothing more. It's somehow humiliating, and still they will not believe it. And if you are uncomfortable with gossip, try not to give them a reason - meet with a friend somewhere on the neutral strip, away from the curious glances of the neighbor's cousin. The same advice will be useful to those mothers whose husbands are very jealous of their male friends and in every way hinder their friendship.
THE BEST FRIEND - WHO IS HE?
Very often the legitimate spouse is jealous only because he simply does not understand what his half can have in common with "some kind of type". So, dear husbands, this is not sex at all, but completely different.
In most cases, women choose to be friends of former classmates or classmates from the institute. This is understandable, because they have so many links! Memories of school years, college "potatoes", joint trips, bonfires, etc. - that is nostalgia for childhood and adolescence. All this creates a fairly strong "kneading" for friendship. "Nikolai and I are friends from the first class," says Olga. - At one time he had youthful love for me, but then she passed, and friendship remained. We all consult each other. I first introduced him to my future husband, and he to me - with his future wife. We considered each other's opinion to be decisive, and therefore decided to arrange a "lookout" before rushing headlong into the family life. Our halves at first were jealous of us, but then calmed down, realizing that no sex in our relationship and does not smell. "
Friends can also be good friends. They again share common interests, including professional ones.
Strong friendship sometimes arises in already "love" each other's people. For example, former lovers or spouses (if, of course, they parted without mutual insults and humiliations, but quite civilized). In such pairs the romantic flame went out, the passion passed, but in the soul there was a warm relationship to each other. It is often on these coals that strong friendships are created. And even if people re-marry, they often maintain friendship with their ex-partners. And it happens that they are friends of families.
Of course, from the point of view of her husband, the only permissible option of female-male friendship is if the friend of the wife is gay. Homosexuals do often become wonderful friends for a woman: the problem of sex disappears, and all the advantages of a "mixed" friendship remain. But after all gays at all you will not worry, men with traditional orientation nevertheless it is more (fortunately for women!). Therefore, the legitimate spouse will have to reconcile and finally understand that a man and a woman can be associated not only with sexual desire. There is also friendship, and it is based, as we found out, entirely on other things.
THE HARE OF THE HUSBAND
If your spouse is jealous of you to a male friend, use the recommendations of psychologists:
♦ Often praise your husband, telling him how handsome he is, clever, darling and so on. After all, jealousy often arises from an inferiority complex. And it is in your power to inspire your spouse that he is a completely unique person and you even do not think in your thoughts that someone else may be in his place;
♦ Never blackmail your husband with your friend: "Oh, you do not appreciate me! Well, then I'll leave for Pasha. He really loves me! "With such actions, you will only anger him more, and he will really do everything possible to destroy your friendship;
♦ Try to spread in the presence of your husband less about what a wonderful friend you have and how he understands you. Men do not like when their woman praises other men;
♦ Do not get your friend to become a friend of the family. In most cases this is not possible. It is enough that the husband knows that you have a male friend and you periodically spend time with him.