Alas, even with the most prosperous relationship, love and pain are inseparable. And for many women the conversation about forgiveness is connected with treason. Why? Perhaps because it is hardly difficult to forgive her. Difficult, but possible. Want to know how?
Remember the famous phrase: "Love means that you will never have to apologize?" In the context of our conversation, it is true to the contrary. Love is when you ask forgiveness each other again and again. But it's one thing to forgive a husband if he forgot to take the child out of school. Or did not wash the dishes after dinner. Another thing - to forgive him treason.
"And is it worth to forgive?" - most of us doubt. "" Since trust is undermined, nothing can be returned. " This is not true. Of course, everyone in this situation finds a solution. But you can save a marriage even after treason. How? Two things are very important here.
Look at the root
The fact is that, most often, adultery is just a symptom of other problems. For no apparent reason, people, as a rule, do not change. There are always some deep reasons, and if you want to preserve your marriage, first of all you need to get to the bottom of the problems in the relationship, and then build them again.
Have courage and patience and discuss the situation with your spouse. Carefully listen to his explanation about the reasons for his betrayal - suddenly there will be problems that you can solve only together. But this by no means means that you give him carte blanche for infidelity. But in order to move forward, you need to stop thinking about who is right and who is to blame. You should ask yourself one question: "What can I do to restore our relationship?" This is not an easy task in the circumstances. But your efforts will not be wasted. According to one wife who forgave her husband, "after we sank to the very bottom of the ocean and surfaced to take a sip of air, there was such tenderness between us" ...
Remember all the good things
According to research data, for couples who have experienced treason and yet have not disintegrated, it is characteristic of mutual recognition of the vital importance of partners for each other. It is necessary to abandon this feeling, as the motivation for forgiveness immediately disappears, especially if the injury to one of the spouses is very deep.
Therefore, under no circumstances should you allow yourself to forget the feelings that overwhelmed you at the dawn of your love. Remind yourself and each other about why you are together, and about the wonderful moments that you have spent. These memories will certainly help to cope with the temporary difficulties in the relationship and remind you of the continuity of your connection. It is very important to step over condemnation and guilt and analyze the essence of your marriage: your common interests, the ways of raising children, life goals, the pleasure that you get from communicating with each other.
The betrayal of my husband opened my eyes
By the way, according to experts, the experience of treason, with all its traumatic consequences, someone can go and benefit. Another lady, who survived the betrayal of her husband and managed to "release him from sin," admits: "I used to think that music will be eternal, but my husband's betrayal opened my eyes." Now we are more occupied with each other.In our relationship there has been unknown until now depth and mutual attraction".
Keep yourself in hand
Anger is a bad adviser. In a situation where you learn about treason, it's hard not to let emotions out, yes, probably, and not necessary. But not all indiscriminately. A woman in such a situation should be aware of the heat of her rabies and give herself time to cool, so as not to regret later about the explosion. Sometimes, if you do not manage to control your anger, you can advise you to disperse for a short time.
Do not try
At the stage of "speaking out" the situation one should not go beyond the information necessary to understand the causes of treason. Do not ask the traitor for details - they can remain tormenting memories for years to come. Tells one deceived wife: "He told me:" When she touches me, she shivers me. And he does not give up on you. "This one recognition was enough to prevent our marriage from being saved."
Set the leash
The affected side, even after reconciliation, is more sensitive and suspicious. And the need to keep a changed husband in the future on a short leash is too strong. Say to yourself "no" every time that such a desire appears, nothing superfluous control will not lead to anything.
To forgive is not to forget
In fact, most women, if forgiving, do not forget. According to the forgiven woman, sometimes, when her husband criticizes her, she wants to throw him that traitorous story in his face. But she holds back, because then he sincerely repented. "The shadow will probably remain forever," she says, "but it is gradually decreasing in size."
Will I be better than her?
And another important question: how again to start having sex with a man who rejected you in such a primitive way? As a rule, a deceived woman rushes to one of two extremes: she either tries to outdo herself in sex, proving to her husband how much he was wrong, or, on the contrary, completely locked up and refuses to have sex. Yes, it is difficult to constantly feel the presence of the third in bed ... Marina P explains: "A year passed before I again felt comfortable in bed, I kept thinking:" And he caressed him as well? "Then we announced a moratorium for sex until the elementary trust is restored between us. "Then we again began to kiss and gradually reached the main event ..."