Of course, it is very bitter and offensive when a man who once chose you from the crowd starts to perceive you again as the most ordinary woman, the same as all the rest. But even from this situation it is necessary to go out with honor. It is impossible that the normal longing for lost love pushed to inadequate, painful and destructive actions. The sensations of an abandoned woman are terrible. The first thing that comes to mind is to return your loved one at any cost. With his return, the woman hopes to heal her wounded soul. But in vain ...
Catastrophe
Very often a woman perceives the withdrawal of a man as a total catastrophe: "It's over, there will be no more good, I will never be able to enjoy life and love someone else."
Falling into depression and apathy, a woman seems to suffer a present sense of pain at what she expects tomorrow. And, building the most terrible forecasts, plunges deeper and deeper into the savoring of his grief and the "doomsday".
Guilt Complex
Often a woman reasons like this: "He chose me, chose from many others, then I really extraordinary!" There is a reason to be proud.
But here he left, which means: "He preferred me, he does not need me, I do not mean anything for him, so there's nothing to appreciate me for." A man's withdrawal always brings a crushing blow to a woman's self-esteem. And even in a completely self-confident person, there are seizures of self-discredit:
"I said something wrong, did something wrong, it can not be that it's all unreasonable ..." The search for one's own guilt begins. And even if there is no fault, something similar to it can always be found.
Attentive natures with a penchant for "samokokaniyu" perceive a break with the beloved, as proof of their total worthlessness. They find in themselves a lot of shortcomings and flaws: "I'm too fat (thin)", "I'm not interesting enough and educated", "I'm creepy", "I'm too old (ugly) ..." and so on.
The logic is simple: "The man next door - I'm fine, the man left - and" took away "with myself my self-esteem."
Force of habit
Returning home, you are in a proud solitary warm up yesterday's dinner and begin to annihilate him, staring dully at the TV screen. Yearning!
You so miss his habit: "Hello!", "Good night!" His negligently thrown into the armchair of clothes, piles of newspapers and magazines on the table.
That night. How uncomfortable to fall asleep without his kiss, his measured breathing! You are burdened by the unusual emptiness of a wide bed ... Looking through your outfits, you stumble upon a shirt they have forgotten, and your heart is squeezed from a familiar smell.
No wonder - people get used to each other. In exactly the same way, by the way, as to the interior. Even the rearrangement of furniture leads first to the fact that we automatically come across corners and "fall through" into empty spaces. Or automatically, by old memory, trying to turn on the TV, which is already quite in another corner ...
Fear of loneliness
The person with whom you spend a lot of time, on which you spend your mental and physical strength, undoubtedly enriches your life with impressions. With his departure, a huge field of activity disappears - there is no one to "tear down" evil, there is no one to entertain with culinary delicacies, to pamper fashionable things and blame for all their own troubles and failures. There is no one to finally find out the relationship!
You feel that you have lost something very important. In life a huge emptiness was formed, which there is nothing to fill. You are lonely, and loneliness is aggravated by your own unreasonable certainty that this will continue for a long time, perhaps for the rest of your life.
Change of scenery
You absolutely do not want to walk alone where you once wandered together. In a company where it's common to meet in pairs, you are no longer expected. Moreover, it turns out, there are places in which you alone do not seem to be very decent.
Sadly, if you are connected with the "former" joint service or study. Needless to say, it is unpleasant to see him every day without a shadow of hope for a return - and perhaps, in the company of a new passion. In addition, you need to talk with colleagues about your changed relationship. Meticulous secretaries will be vigilantly waiting for regular news about your personal life, and, without a doubt, past their inquisitive gazes, nothing will go unnoticed.
No less dramatic is the prospect of changing jobs - especially if the choice is limited.
Changing the circle of communication and one's own social status is another source of unpleasant experiences.
It will take a lot of time and energy to cope with the oppressive emptiness and fill it with new impressions, pleasant experiences and friends.
Principle of harmony
If he's gone, the worst thing you can do is try to get him back immediately. Do not also hysterically take scores with him, choking with thirst for revenge.
According to statistics, acute pain caused by parting, takes place after about 40 days. But her echoes can bother for another three months, and sometimes even six months. It all depends on the life circumstances that you can - and should! - create yourself.
According to the most important principle of life harmony, there are four main spheres in which approximately equal amounts of energy need to be invested: the body (health), activity (work, self-education), communication (family, love, friendship) and questions of the meaning of life.
All this can be represented in the form of a rider who moves (activity) towards the ultimate goal (the meaning of life). To get to this goal, he needs a trained horse (body). And if the horse drops it, he will need support (communication). Estimating the balance of energy that you invest in these areas, you can correct it to get closer to the ideal ratio: 25% per sphere.
Think, is not it too much energy you spend on communication, if with the departure of your loved one, the earth floats away from under your feet? After all, you have three more components of life's harmony!
Understand the causes
- Think about what could have motivated him to part with you.
- Talk to him - frankly and without charge. If you really want a sincere answer, avoid the slightest reproach.
- Even if he has formulated his claims, perhaps the reasons for the gap lie entirely in another. He can accuse you of dishonesty and frivolity, suffering in reality from a lack of emotional warmth and your sexual coldness. In order not to strip their feelings, people often do not disclose the true motives. Try to solve them yourself.
- Remember when he looked particularly upset, and try to understand why. Maybe you upset him?
- Perhaps he is afraid of spiritual intimacy and dependence. When the hobby turns into a serious affection, it "runs to flight," regardless of whether you are this or another woman.
- Maybe he was never fascinated by you, but only "waited" for another loneliness and did not intend to build a serious relationship.
- Admit that you are too different with him. You can not satisfy his needs, but he is yours. Together you will only torment each other, and he understood it before you.
- It is possible that he is not in a serious crisis of life. He had a need to abruptly change everything, he starts without regret to burn bridges and cut off everything that connects him with the past - including your relations with him.
Reconcile with your position and try to make use of it. Imagine how many new opportunities are opening up before you!
A smile to a stranger and a flirtatious phrase will now cost no scenes of jealousy. You can wear a suit that he did not like; impose makeup the way you want; to make a haircut against which he objected; Spread the laundry around the apartment; to be engaged in aerobics at any time of the day or night; for hours chatting with a friend. Nobody will object to your favorite films and programs and switch to disgusted football.
You are free! You can walk all night and not come up with excuses; there is something that the heart desires; Do not cook delicacies, move furniture, change the color of the curtains and wallpaper from black to bright canary.
Now you are responsible for everything in the answer. Let you alone (temporarily), but with no one and no one is connected! Instead of feeling guilty comes the absolute certainty that without it you will not be lost.
You are beautiful, independent, go with a confident gait, the men admire you afterwards, and one of them will certainly become your destiny. You will definitely be happy - after all, truly happy couples do not disintegrate!
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