Often at the heart of the conflict is the desire of parents to insist on their own. Children, being under pressure from their parents, begin to resist, and this leads to disobedience, stubbornness. Often parents, demanding something or forbidding children to do anything, do not explain enough the reason for the ban or demands. This leads to misunderstanding, the result of which is mutual stubbornness, and sometimes hostility. It is necessary to find time for talks with the child, to argue all the prohibitions, the requirements that parents put forward. Many fathers and mothers will be outraged, where to find time, if it is necessary to work in several shifts to ensure the material needs of the family. But if there is no normal relationship in the family, then who needs this material support?
It is necessary to walk with the child, talk, play, read useful literature. Also, the cause of conflict between fathers and children may be the restriction of freedom of the latter. It should always be remembered that a child is an independent person who has the right to his freedom. Psychologists distinguish several stages of the child's growing up, when the misunderstanding between children and parents worsens. At this time conflicts with adults occur more often. The first stage is a child at the age of three. He becomes more capricious, stubborn, self-willed. The second critical age is seven years. Again, the child's behavior is characterized by incontinence, imbalance, he becomes capricious. In adolescence, the child's behavior acquires a negative character, working capacity decreases, new interests replace old interests. At this time it is important for parents to behave correctly.
When a child is born, his family becomes his model of behavior. In the family, he acquires such qualities as trust, fear, sociability, shyness, confidence. And also he gets acquainted with the ways of behavior in conflict situations, which parents demonstrate to him, without noticing it. Therefore, it is important that parents and the surrounding child are more attentive in their statements and behavior. All conflict situations should be minimized and resolved peacefully. The child should see that parents are not happy that they have achieved their goal, but that they managed to avoid conflict. You need to be able to apologize and admit your mistakes to the children. Even if the child has caused you a lot of negative emotions, which you gave free rein, you should calm down and explain to the child that you can not express your feelings in this way. The issue of the child's discipline can lead to conflict.
While the child is small, parents restrict his freedom, establish boundaries in which the child feels protected. A small child needs a sense of security and comfort. He must feel himself to be the center around which everything is done for him. But as the child grows up, the parents need, through love and discipline, to rebuild his selfish nature. Some parents do not do this, having surrounded the child with love and cares without any discipline. Adults, seeking to avoid conflicts, give complete freedom to the child, from whom an egoist with uncontrolled behavior grows up, a small tyrant manipulating his parents.
The other extreme is the parents demanding the unconditional fulfillment of all their demands. Raising a child, such parents each time show him that he is in their power. Children who have it suffer from a lack of independence, grow up intimidated, without parents can not do anything.
Conversely, children who resisted the demands of adults, often grow up embittered and uncontrollable. The parents' task is to find the middle, to keep a clear parental position along with concerns about the feelings and needs of the child. A child is a person who has the right, for his childhood, for his life with his mistakes and victories. In adolescence, when a child is 11-15 years old, the mistake of parents is that they are not ready to see in their child a new person who has his own ideas, goals that do not coincide with the views of his parents. Along with the physiological changes in the child - adolescent, mood jumps are observed, he becomes irritable, vulnerable.
In any criticism of his own, he sees a dislike for himself. Parents adolescents need to adapt to the new situation, change some old views, rules. At this age, there are things that a teenager quite legitimately claims. He can invite his friends to birth on the day, not those that his parents impose. He can listen to music that he likes. And many other things that parents need to control, but not as pronounced as before. It is necessary to lower parental attention to the life of the child, let him show more independence, especially in the interests of the family.
But you can not tolerate the insolence and rudeness of a teenager, he must feel the boundaries. The task of parents is to make the teenager feel parental love, know that they understand him, and will always accept what he is. Of course, on the one hand, parents gave birth to a child, raised him, gave him an education, and supported him in difficult situations.
On the other hand, parents, constantly want to control their child, influence his decisions, his choice of friends, interests, etc. Even if parents give children complete freedom, as they think, they still fetter the child in the implementation of some plans, even without noticing it. Therefore, sooner or later the children leave their parents, but some leave with a scandal, a sense of resentment towards their parents, and others leave with gratitude, with the understanding of the parents. That such he, the conflict, fathers and children in the family are two sides of the truth. We hope that consent will prevail in your family.