Parents of adolescents need to understand:
- sudden changes in the mood of the child;
- strange hobbies;
- eccentric behavior;
- a new lexicon;
- sometimes deliberately unsuccessful undertakings.
Parents and adolescents, in order to successfully survive adolescence, need to have a good idea of how to solve problems and critical situations of this age.
It is impossible to solve the problems of adolescence without difficulty. At this time, each person in the family of others begins to see in a new way, so everyone should re-acquaint each other. How will this stage pass in your life depends on what exactly prevails in the family - fear or love.
All parents are anxiously awaiting the approaching adolescence of their children. Their excitement is caused by memories of their own adolescence, and terrible stories about drug addiction, alcoholism, sexual perversion, malicious hooliganism at this age.
The resolution of trivial and serious problems depends on whether we know the algorithms for solving these problems. If we know the way out of this situation, half of the matter has already been done.
Watch your child and find out what good deeds are done by his hands, and do not forget to praise and tell him that you like any of his deeds and deeds.
Explosion of energy.
Changes that occur in the body of a child of adolescence are associated with an explosion of energy. With this energy it is necessary to handle cautiously, it requires healthy, reliable ways of expression. It is very useful for this to do physical exercises, that is, to play sports. Teenagers are full of inspiration. They are not villains, they are ordinary people who are trying to learn how to live in the adult world, but they are not confident in their own abilities.
Adults probably most of all are alarmed by the vigor and activity of adolescents. Alarmed and frightened parents surround their own children with various prohibitions. But in this case, the opposite is necessary. Adolescents should show ways to intelligently implement their energy. At the same time, it is important for them to understand and love their parents.
Only when a person is treated as an individual and appreciates him, only then, one can expect real changes.
To lay the groundwork for future changes in the relationship with the adolescent , you can suggest the following:
You are the parent.
1. In order for a teenager to understand you, you must clearly express to him your fears and fears.
2. You must show what you are always ready to listen and understand. But understanding does not mean forgiving. Understanding can create a solid foundation, on this basis it will be possible to build relationships with a teenager in the future.
3. You should understand that a teenager does not necessarily have to follow your advice.
You're a teenager.
1. 1. You should all honestly talk about what is happening to you, and do it so that you will be believed.
2. 2. You should also talk about your fears and know that you will be listened to without judgment and criticism.
3. 3. You have to explain to parents what you want to be listened to, but they did not give advice until you asked them about it.
Many adults in their relationship with a teenager are trying to "bluff", that is, they show that they are well versed in this matter, but in reality this is not. Do not act this way, because in most cases teenagers feel even the smallest falsehood.
Parents should honestly admit their incompetence and ignorance, and a trusting relationship with a teenager can arise only in this case.
Adolescents and parents can cooperate on the basis of common interests.
Let us give an example. The boy did not attend school. Parents unsuccessfully persuaded him, and even intimidated. The parents themselves do not have a complete education, and they wanted to do anything, but that the son received it. That is, they wanted to give him something that they themselves did not receive. With them, the psychotherapeutic work was conducted, during which the trust between the son and the parents arose. It turned out that everyone has the same goal - the boy should get an education. And the fears of the parents became clear to the son, he began to trust them and sent all his efforts to study, but not because he was forced to do it, but because he wanted to learn.
Rules of the game.
Growing up, teenagers expect wise advice from their parents, but this requires mutual trust. The child will not trust those who are insincere with him. Sincerity and honesty are most valued. Adults are not allowed to cross certain relationships with children. Everyone should know their place. In addition, everyone should respect the norms of human communication. Each of us should have the right to his own personal life.
Adults, in order to earn respect from adolescents, must fulfill their promises. If you are not sure that you can fulfill your promise, do not give it. Since if you break your promises, it's possible that the child will move away from you and stop trusting you.
Society of peers.
A teenager prefers the society of his peers. This is natural and does not mean that he rejects or abandons his family. Peers during this period play a big role in the life of the teenager than the parents. Therefore, the mother and father with friends of their children must find a common language, and stop constantly monitoring their child. Parents should be wise teachers for the child, who are always ready to help him. And in this case, you can keep respect and a warm relationship to each other.
If a teenager trusts you, then you will do everything in your power. But if your relationship does not work out, then you can not achieve anything by your demands, but only between you will appear an impenetrable wall of alienation and misunderstanding.
How adolescents relate to their problems.
"I need someone who, without any criticism, can calmly listen and help me understand myself. I need loving hands that would reassure me. I need a place where I could cry. And I need someone who will always be there. In addition, I need someone who clearly and loudly say "Stop! ". But people should not remind me of my stupidities and read lectures. I myself know about them and feel guilty. "