Rosenberg argues a simple thing: "Words often lead to injuries and pain, and the method of non-violent communication helps a couple who consulted an expert from the NGO to learn:
1. Express yourself in words;
2. Hear and understand another . Communication in the family, from a psychological point of view, is most often violent, it is an underlying struggle. With the help of NGOs, our words "the place of automatic, subconscious and most often aggressive reaction become conscious answers, firmly based on a full understanding of what is happening and the true position of the partner."
The usual picture: the husband comes home after work, turns on the TV and wants everyone to leave him alone. The wife takes his behavior to heart. Seeing her vexation, he is even more locked in himself, she falls on him with reproaches. The script is repeated day after day, and the spouses are on the verge of divorce. In this situation, partners need to turn to a psychologist. The principle of non-violent communication is simple: people are taught to objectively describe the situation and express feelings about it, and also describe the desired outcome and the partner's reaction. After each spouse has spoken, the psychologist asks another to describe what he heard and understood from the speech of the other. And so on, until the words spoken by one and heard by others match. For example, in the situation described above, it turns out that the wife feels lonely, and the husband is depressed.
3 The process of identifying the true needs and feelings gives the couple the opportunity to make mutual communication respectful. They can find ways to satisfy each other's needs. For example, a woman will try to spend part of the time with her friends after work, and a man will get an evening psychological "respite" for this time and, as soon as he realizes that he is free, dispose of his time, ceases to shut up in her society and "go to TV" as in a protective psychological shell.
When both sides are attentive to the needs of the other, the way out is surprisingly easy.
4 stages of the model NGO.
The four-step model of non-violent communication is known as the PSC: Description, Feelings, Needs, Requests.
1 step : description. Describe the situation objectively, refraining from judgments.
2 step : feelings. Feel and express your emotions underlying the conflict.
3 step : needs. Find out and formulate what you want.
4 step : requests. Present your wishes in the form of a concrete and feasible request.
PPPP, although it resembles a sad abbreviation of emergency, is just the way to avoid any emergency. This model of communication can be used to solve any problems: from conjugal misunderstandings, the clash of ambitions at work and to political negotiations.
I am you, you are me.
Nonviolent communication is based on empathy, the ability to psychologically enter the position of another person. By practicing NGOs, you first learn to sympathize with yourself - to be aware of your own feelings and needs - and then identify yourself with others by saying "empathic guesses" in a conversation, for example, in response to the tone of the interlocutor: "You want me to hear you and understood better? "- or in response to the claims:" Do you want me to pay attention to you? "
Even if the assumption was erroneous, you demonstrated an attempt to understand another person, and he necessarily feels a warm attitude and sympathy, which facilitates understanding. And if the guess turned out to be correct, then a magical, instantaneous break in the situation is possible for the better.
Of course, deep insights are usually still the result of joint efforts, especially in adults with deeply rooted behavior.