And what if we also annoy someone ourselves? Suddenly, too, we suffer from the last forces, afraid to tell the truth, so as not to offend? And what can I do to fix this? So, the technique: whether you are a pleasant conversationalist - the topic of the conversation for today.
According to psychologists, all people, if we consider them as interlocutors, are divided into two coordinate systems: the interlocutor is dominant and non-dominant, as well as the mobile and rigid interlocutor. Thus, each of us has two characteristics of the manner of communication, in two coordinates. For example, if you are a dominant and mobile person, then you simply can not communicate normally with a rigid and non-dominant person.
Dominant or non-dominant?
Interlocutor dominant, you do not confuse with anyone, and of course, such people at least sometimes come across your life. Already after a couple of minutes of communication you have the feeling that the interlocutor is too "much", that you seem to be under pressure. You begin to involuntarily increase the distance between you, but the dominant interlocutor stubbornly seeks to reduce it. Such is the manner of communication of the dominant interlocutor: active, assertive, rigid. If he needs to address you with something, then he is little concerned with the "can-not", "convenient-uncomfortable" or "understand-do not understand". If you suddenly had a need to ask him a question, it's not at all a fact that he thinks it necessary to answer. In the process of conversation, the interlocutor constantly interrupts, shocking in an elevated, over emotional tone, shouting out or talking to you is unlikely to succeed. Sometimes he uses one more method - he suddenly stops talking, forcing you to repeat his arguments several times and get lost in guesses, whether you are heard at all by the interlocutor, whether he understands you. It seems to you that you are not giving sufficient arguments.
As the method shows, the interlocutor of this type in a conversation often allows himself a venomous ridicule or rudeness, he will never admit his wrong. Even when he praises you, accepts your arguments (always also very emotionally), then this is also his demonstration of strength. But if you are also a dominant interlocutor, the situation can become much more complicated. In this case, your conversation may well end in a quarrel, in any case, it will be much more difficult for you to come to a compromise. But still the dominant interlocutor has a number of advantages. They are, as a rule, excellent speakers, they are able to convince and lead. They can quickly make decisions in difficult situations and take responsibility for the situation.
The non-dominant interlocutor, as is easy to guess, is the exact opposite of the previous type. He always feels guilty when it is necessary to turn to someone, and suddenly his question will sound silly or inappropriate. It is better to keep silent at all, referring to others as little as possible. If you yourself address a non-dominant person, he will respond to you immediately, so as not to offend or anger his slow reaction. Such delicacy is usually welcomed by the same non-dominant interlocutors. However, if you are a dominant, then this manner of communication will cause you only irritation. You will be irritated by someone else's pliability, constant embarrassment, trembling and complete obedience. Only in the case of a peaceful conversation (not with a dominant), the interlocutor becomes more bold, even sometimes interrupts and defends his point of view. To communicate with the non-dominant was as productive as possible, he should be encouraged all the time, not in words, but in glances and interjections.
Mobile or rigid?
The mobile interlocutor is always easy to get involved in any conversation and it's also easy to get out of it. Such a person can easily switch attention to something more interesting in the most, in your opinion, inopportune moment. You suddenly notice that the eyes of a person who is passionately interested in you suddenly become "empty." The mobile interlocutor is distinguished by quick speech, sometimes not always understandable, and the expression of his face changes with astonishing speed. The speech of those around him seems unacceptably slow, he constantly rushes you, interrupts you. If you do not know how to express clearly and concisely, then you are not the most pleasant interlocutor for him, and you can bring the mobile interlocutor to a nervous breakdown. He will be annoyed, yawn, try to get into very long your cues or try to finish the sentence for you.
Another thing is that the interlocutor is rigid. He needs a special spirit to engage in a conversation with you. And, it does not depend on the character - it can be quite resolute and self-sufficient person. The main feature of a rigid interlocutor is solidity. If he was thinking about something at the time of the beginning of your conversation, then he needs a little time to think through the idea. But he will listen very carefully to you, speak without haste, detailing his thoughts and the way he came to them. A rigid interlocutor phrases as accurately as possible. Sometimes you even have a feeling that the interlocutor thinks that the heard is slowly coming to you. This is not so, just such people can repeat certain expressions several times exclusively for their own pleasure. Never interrupt a rigid interlocutor! He does not tolerate this, although he himself will never interrupt you. Communication with a rigid person is often exhausting, especially if you are a mobile type yourself.
Interlocutors, as they say, do not choose. But in the definition of their types will always help the technique, a pleasant outcome of which - normal communication and the achievement of a compromise. Even with the most undesirable interlocutors it is not always possible to avoid talking, so the only option is to adjust. And again: do not take the manner of communication of the interlocutor to your account. In this, as they say, "nothing personal." After all, the dominant interlocutor, raising his voice and interrupting, does not at all seek to offend you, and rigid, repeating the same thing several times, has nothing against you personally.