Recently a close relative told an unpleasant story. Three years ago she brought her friend to work. She did not know how to do anything, even work on the computer. And a month later, the relative realized what stupidity she had done. The girlfriend began to set up the whole team against her. Conflicts have begun. She has never had such situations in other jobs, and she just does not know what to do. Infinitely behind the back of gossip, there is no strength and nerves to work in this situation, but he does not want to leave this job either. Another problem: she is a very kind person and trustful. Perhaps that's why he can not stand up for himself. Agree, this situation is quite typical (especially in the women's team). What to do with relations in the team and how to behave in general, so that in the future there are no problems? It turns out that solving conflict problems at work is a whole science.
In everyday life, any of the girls face a lot of problems, tasks and stressful situations. However, the margin of safety that we acquire together with. life experience, allows us to overcome all obstacles. Faced with an unsolvable, we think, situation, we ask for help: we consult with the elders, we share with friends, hang out in the forums. In extreme cases, we recognize our defeat in this particular case and forget about it, because by and large this is not so vital. But in process of accumulation of such situations, especially in socially significant sphere, our ability to resist and move forward, in spite of everything, somewhere disappears. She is replaced by fear, a feeling of helplessness and distrust of others. Emotions, like the sea in a storm, are ready to swallow us up on the first attempt to get out of this nightmare and look at what's happening detached.
Something similar happened to my cousin. Her story is pierced with desperation and a cry for help. However, there are very few facts on the basis of which it would be possible to restore the situation and give some reasonable advice. And is it necessary, reasonable advice? After all, the situation in the office, as described by our heroine, is similar to a one-sided relationship: she loves him, and he does not like her. With all the ensuing consequences: confusion for the purpose, torments of suspicion, a desire to restore justice.
If your working relationship (with the leader, with colleagues) began to resemble the plot of a love story, and emotions prevail over the understanding of work tasks, your own place in the company and the authorities, then it's really time to figure it out. Let's start with small: you need to calm down and calm your emotions. Any of the following exercises will work, depending on your imagination. If these problems are familiar to you, then you can advise the following (at least, so advise psychologists):
- Write a written appeal to the offenders.
- Draw a colorful portrait of each of them, you can then use as a target when playing darts.
- Collect the collage (cuttings from magazines are suitable) on the subject of painful events for you.
- Compose a dictionary of particularly injurious phrases.
- Think of a thermometer of your annoyance and mark it today's degree.
When solving conflict problems, exercise should be done regularly, patiently, in a quiet home environment. It is advisable to pronounce what you feel. And, of course, you can do anything you want: tear paper with portraits into small shreds, put red marks on unsatisfactory grades for bad words in your address, assign any fantasy punishment. Exercise makes sense until the internal dialogue with all of its emotional intensity is not settled, and plans for revenge will not recede. Ideally, you can get rid of questions that no one knows the answer to: "Why am I so honest?", Or "How can she be called a best friend after that?" Or "Does the director himself do not understand that he's zero without a wand ? ".
When you are emotionally ready, you can start an exercise that psychologists call "go beyond the circle." Its meaning is simple: while you are brewing in a situation like in a boiling cauldron, you are not able to determine what is being cooked - porridge or soup. After all, you are one of the important components of this brew. As soon as you learn to see what is happening from the outside, you can immediately see a lot of problems that are not directly related to you. Perhaps, the company is going through a crisis, there is no clear development strategy, the leadership does not control the situation and there is little else. This will help you establish the boundaries between your own interests and the interests of others. Thus, you can work with a broader information context and consciously make vital decisions for yourself.
To perform this exercise, you need to learn and give yourself constructive questions, that is, those that can be answered. For example, in conversations with other people or derived based on the analysis of events and actions of stakeholders. Remember the lessons of literature in the school: when analyzing a literary work, you were an outside observer, as if an expert who, on the basis of the facts described, put forward hypotheses about the motives of the heroes. And, perhaps, you imagined yourself in the role of this or that hero and tried on his inner world for himself. Why did he behave this way? What information did he have at that time? What tasks did he solve? What did he strive for? What prevented him from acting differently?
Solving conflict problems at work, try to do something similar: tell how everything happens when you stand "behind the circle." Look at the situation as a whole, considering the interrelationships of different heroes. Remember that people besides work have other interests, and they may not be so focused on war with you. You will quickly understand, where you really do not have enough information about the company as a whole, about individual people, and where your fantasies interfere with you. And why in your office are working conflicts resolved in an inappropriate way? In the course of the matter, it is necessary to clarify something in conversations with employees, with the leader. It would be good to keep records, because with informed information gathering, your ideas about the causes of what is happening will change.
Sooner or later you will come to the key question of why you chose this particular job, and you will overcome the helpless position "I do not want to leave, but it's impossible to work as well". Either you find suitable methods of correcting the situation, or you will concentrate on finding a new job. Success in solving conflicts at work!