Have you noticed that there are people who almost instantly evoke pleasant emotions? It would seem that there is nothing special about them, but one smile, one word - and the whole world at their feet. What is the secret of their attractiveness? What is this: charisma, the art of communication, sociability, knowledge of the tone of the bones of flirting or an innate charisma? We tried to answer these questions and determine the laws of attractiveness. After all, who does not want to please everyone? ..
THE ART OF SELF-REPRESENTATION
Psychologists believe: charisma, that is, the art of liking and achieving success is not an inborn gift, but an acquired quality. Of course, very much depends on the nature and personal characteristics (such as openness / secrecy, introvert / extraverted), but if you want to learn how to charm others is not so difficult. As it is banal, but self-presentation plays the decisive role, that is, the ability to give yourself a win. And it's not only and not so much how you are dressed and brushed (the appearance must be perfect a priori), but how you feel yourself. On a person who is not confident in himself and curses the whole world, hardly anyone will pay attention. People surprisingly feel our mood and attitude to ourselves. And therefore, if you want others to love you, let me please myself. So, before going out (to a party, a job, a meeting with classmates, an ordinary walk), look carefully in the mirror and pay attention to your dignity ("What beautiful eyes, lips, breasts!", "How do I go this skirt! "). Also, tune in to the positive: remember the funny story, call your beloved friend, drink a cup of coffee with cognac, eat a banana or a piece of dark chocolate ... Only in this way, in harmony with yourself and your appearance, you can please other people and get pleasure from communication.
LAWS OF ATTRACTION
However, one self-confidence is not enough. Charisma is the mastery of the art of communication, which has its own universal rules. Let's study the commandments of the favorites of the public ...
Be polite! So you not only will cause sympathy from others, but you will also be able to maintain a sense of dignity when facing rudeness. In the conflict, outside observers are inclined to recognize the rightness of a person who does not respond rudely to rudeness. In addition, you must learn to say "magic words": "please", "be kind", "excuse me". The best way to say "thank you" is to explain what you are thankful for. Specify the reason for your "thank you" with a few extra words (for example, "thank you for letting me know in advance"). In a hundred for this extended gratitude you will receive wide smiles and friendly words.
Keep your distance! You can not get too close to an unfamiliar interlocutor, invade that area of his psychological space, where only the closest people are allowed access. Psychologists advise in all situations not to approach a person closer than 50 cm, since invasion of the personal zone can cause discontent and even aggression.
Do not hide your eyes! Otherwise, people may get the impression that you are not saying what you think. A gloomy look, a look to the side or past the interlocutor do not have associates to communicate. Eye contact indicates an interest in the meeting. But do not forget that a continuous, close look can be confusing. Use an effective method of spying, allowing you to relieve the stress caused by the need to constantly look at the interlocutor: focus your eyes not on his pupils, but just above the bridge of the nose.
Smile! With a person who feels happy, it is easier to communicate. He has better relationships with colleagues and relatives. Smile perfectly establishes contacts between people. If you rarely smile, practice in front of a mirror, and then use this skill in life. You will be surprised how much the world around you and, most importantly, the attitude towards you around will change.
Do compliments! All people love when they are praised (for their knowledge, skills, appearance, personal qualities). First of all, notice everything that you like about people and their behavior. Talk about their virtues. Receiving a compliment, a person unconsciously strives to live up to expectations, which forms a reciprocal sympathy for you, removes his psychological defense and closeness.
Do not get carried away with self-criticism! Do not badly characterize yourself, do not label yourself: "I'm ugly," "I'm fat," "I'm lazy." People can believe it. This does not mean that you should hide your mistakes. Just talk about them calmly, with a smile, with knowledge of how to fix the situation.
Show sincere interest in others! Let people feel their own importance. Sincerely interested in the person who is next to you. Ask him about family, work, hobbies. Do not interrupt and do not try to immediately interest yourself, lay out the entire history of your life with the smallest details. If a person speaks only about himself when they meet, he will surely remain alone. In addition, mystery and understatement for people is always more attractive than something unraveled and known.
Learn to listen! Do it patiently and with interest. Try to put yourself in the place of the narrator, so you can better understand the new acquaintance. Do not interrupt the conversation with comments. Speak out when your partner wants to know what you think about the problem. A good companion is an excellent listener. Here is the axiom of communication.
Call the person by name! When meeting, always try to pronounce the name of the person in the conversation several times. Most likely, he will begin to treat you with greater sympathy and trust, because you have shown attention to his humble person.
OVERCOMING VULNERABILITY.
Most of all, we like others because of shyness. However, it is quite easy to overcome oneself, psychologists say, it is only necessary to want it. Here are some homework assignments for people unsure of themselves. If you cope with them, it will be much easier for you to make a new acquaintance.
"Where is Nophelet?" No matter how ridiculous it may sound, but first you will need to learn how to establish contact with strangers. Invent an object that does not exist (for example, Semenov's library), and ask people about it. This simple exercise will show you that others are ready to help you and are not at all hostile.
"I'll sing now." The next test is a karaoke club. Understand, it's all the same to how you sing, most importantly, it's optimism and a good mood that you radiate.
"One in the city." Finally, go for a walk. But do not delve into your thoughts, but pay attention to the surrounding people. Smile at them - and they will answer you the same. Because you are adorable, nice and you want to smile back.
"HELLO, MY NAME IS..."
What could be more terrible than being alone in an unfamiliar company ?! What to do? Is it possible to leave 15 minutes after the start of the holiday? And here not. Psychologists recommend to stay and even have fun. Find another loner in the crowd, smile at him and come closer, looking into the eyes. Introduce yourself and honestly ask for help. Say: "It just happened, but I was here alone, can you tell me about what is happening and introduce the guests?" And if you smile and stop embarrassed - your new friend will surely help you to stop feeling like a white crow on this holiday of life. The main thing - do not be afraid. For a couple of tactful questions, no one will eat you and kill you!
OPINION EXPERT
Anna Karnaukhova, psychologist:
Because of the difference in characters, views on things or other things, worldviews people can not always find a common language, and the emerging antipathies are quite natural. It is impossible to master art in five minutes. First of all, it is worth looking at yourself from outside and assessing your strengths and weaknesses. If you break out like a match, for whatever reason, or go into yourself and remain silent for hours, you will hardly make the desired impression. If you are nice, smiling, polite with others, then most likely people will respond to you in return. In addition, it is very important to be able to listen to the interlocutor without interrupting or criticizing. You should not also evaluate a person, especially if it is a question of some negative aspects, it is better to discuss his deed, action, but one should not get involved in excessive criticism, take on the role of a guru, because your life experience can fundamentally differ from the life experience of the interlocutor, and your advice will only harm him. In general, you can safely say: if you are friendly and open to the world, then the world will open to you. However, be prepared for the fact that in this case you can also dislike someone. Deal with it!