If you get married and your husband already has adult children from your first marriage, then very much depends on how they accept you. Of course, it's fine if his children have accepted you warmly and cordially and do not try to lime you in every way, survive from home or quarrel with their father. But sometimes it happens that adults do not at all tolerate the fact that their father has a new wife. What to do in this case and how to behave with the adult children of the husband?
First you need to understand the whole situation. The fact is that as children are already adults, they certainly also have their own principles, opinions, moral principles and so on. In fact, they are already the same adults as you and your husband, only they are, of course, still smaller for years. Therefore, it may be difficult to accept the situation that the father brought a new wife into the house. Usually especially acute children experience this moment in the event of the death of their own mother. That is why your main task is to build relationships with them, otherwise, if the children are seriously opposed to you, your marriage can be a threat, because we all know how the native people can influence per person. In fact, in this situation, they can do anything to embroil you with a bride.
How to behave with the children of the husband: useful recommendations
Be patient
You must take into account the fact that the children, unlike their father, have not yet been able to recognize you well. They hardly know about all the positive traits of your character, your talents, your hobbies. Now you are just a strange and unfamiliar woman for them, who has sent a family. Therefore, show patience and give his children time to get used to you and get to know you better.
In addition, adult children can be very jealous of the father of kwam. This is also of great importance. So give them time to get used to the fact that you are now also a member of the family. Do not rush things and get a little more patience.
Do not violate personal boundaries
Each person establishes in communication with anybody certain boundaries. With someone, we can talk for hours about anything and share the secret secrets, and with someone we talk only about the weather. Feel how close the husband's children are to letting you go. If they greet you at the meeting and either remain silent or answer your questions with monosyllabic "no" or "yes", then for now you should not impose oneself.
Also, never meet in their personal conversations with your father and try not to ask anything. If necessary, either they, or the husband to you all will disperse. As soon as the children gradually get used to you and will no longer behave themselves so alienated, as in the first time, you can proceed to the next step-more intimate communication.
Strive for communication
Ask your husband what his children are fond of and try to find something common with them. Perhaps, his daughter simply adores the dog, and the son is well versed in computers. Find some excuse to talk. Ask your daughter what kind of breed her dog is, and how she's growing or ask her son to help you choose a new laptop. Find a "point of contact" and try to get close to the children a little. Try to talk more often to them for some advice, and there, you see, the communication will be adjusted and common themes for conversation will appear.
What can not be done in any case
To be badly spoken about their mother
This is the very first and the most important rule. Under no circumstances should you insult or degrade their mother, gossip about her, or point out her shortcomings. Better yet, never really start talking about their mother, unless they do it first. After all, the mother for any person is the most important person in life. It does not matter how much they lived together with their father, whether they were in a legal marriage, or whoever was the first to give up. The only important thing is their mother and they will not let her go. Therefore, keep a neutral attitude, and it is better not to start any sensitive topics at all.
Interfere with their communication with their father
This rule is not valid only when your husband does not want to communicate with his own children. In all other cases, you should not try to limit all this communication, otherwise there is a risk of one day hearing that "children are the most expensive, and another can be found for their wife."
Read his children's moralizing and impose their opinions
Remember that children are already adults and they may not like that you are trying to teach them. Therefore, they can "take hostile" any of your instructions, even if you will be absolutely right in your opinion. All you can do is give unobtrusive advice and give them the right to choose what they think is right. Do not try to impose your opinion on them and put pressure on them. Vseravno you are unlikely to be able to achieve that they have all performed according to your instructions, but the relationship certainly can be hopelessly spoil.
These are the basic rules of behavior with older children of the husband. As for everything else, you just need to understand and accept that his children are also people with their "cockroaches" in their heads. So accept them as they are and just try to make friends with them.