Typical errors of the daughter-in-law

Is it possible to avoid confrontation between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law? Most likely, it is possible if we strive for mutual understanding and peace. There are the main typical mistakes that the husband's wife makes towards the mother-in-law. Consider the main and most common.
My mother is better than my mother-in-law
A young family settled with his wife's parents. For her it is convenient: always my mother nearby, if that helps. Yes, and on the economy of the loads less. However, something goes wrong with her husband. He began to distance himself more and more from his wife. Almost does not happen at home, lingers at work or meets friends.

The husband's mother calls constantly and expresses her next complaint to her sister-in-law. The mother-in-law is sure that the young wife does not like and does not appreciate her son, so they should divorce and divorce.

A comment
A young family does not need to live in a wife's family. Since it lowers the status of others in the eyes of others. The mother-in-law is worried about her son not in vain, since the son in this situation tries to improve his status by all means. Well, when this desire is reduced to higher earnings and to a career. But very often he begins to seek recognition from friends, another woman or a bottle.

I will help my mother-in-law all over
A young couple lives with her husband's parents. The daughter-in-law tries to please her mother-in-law in all things, she is actively engaged in domestic affairs, but they do not manage to get along with each other. Each of them has his own ideas about life. Her mother-in-law is jealous of her husbandry and wants everything to go as before. A daughter-in-law, came to her house "with her charter," as they say. Therefore, she does everything badly, erases badly, does not iron smoothly, prepares tastelessly. Her mother-in-law tries to teach her, and her daughter-in-law starts to resist. Sometimes squabbles in the kitchen turn into scandals, which arise more and more often.

The mistress in the house is the mother-in-law. She does not have to give her role to the daughter-in-law. A young wife must accept the rules of her mother-in-law and reconcile with them. The daughter-in-law is a child here and from this position she can derive some advantages. Allow mothers to lead her household, as she wants. However, in no case can the mother-in-law be allowed into the private life of the young.

Mother-in-law can replace mother
A woman who has not received tenderness and affection as a child from her mother, transfers her daughter love to her mother-in-law. It happens if the native mother treated the girl coldly or she grew up in an orphanage and did not receive maternal love. In this love she really needs and tries to find her in her husband's family. Her mother-in-law from the first day she calls her mother, they live in perfect harmony.

It would seem all right, but not here it was. From the very beginning, the mother-in-law is associated with the daughter-in-law with what is connected with her mother. But over time, she begins to project onto her mother-in-law a negative potential, which she accumulated with resentment against her mother. This all sooner or later turns into a conflict and women begin to pull each to their side the most expensive man.

Comments
The relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law must have certain boundaries. The daughter-in-law in this situation expects from the mother-in-law of the love she would like to receive from her mother. But my mother-in-law, having raised her son, has already fulfilled her maternal duty and is not at all obliged to love her daughter-in-law as a daughter. When the boundaries between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law are erased, the situation becomes heated and becomes explosive.

In all our troubles, the mother-in-law of the mother-in-law is often to blame for the daughter-in-law's "lightning rod". Whatever happened to the "bad" in their family, the mother-in-law must pay for everything. As if his wife was not angry with her husband, she does not provoke him to a conflict, but recoups his mother. The mother-in-law in this situation is living very hard. The daughter-in-law never swears with her husband, as she directs all negative energy to her mother-in-law. The husband does not interfere in women's strife, because he considers them to be "a woman's business".

A comment
If a person blames another person for his failures, then this is a sign of psychological immaturity. You should take responsibility for your actions and for your family, as you yourself chose the person who became your husband. If your mother-in-law is very violently interfering with your family, limit her influence, psychologically it will become easier for her. Grandchildren and son will respect the grandmother and mother, who has their own interests.

In the education of grandchildren, the grandmother should not interfere
The mother-in-law adores her grandchildren, even though her daughter-in-law has not developed a very good relationship. She spends a lot of time with her grandchildren and stresses that she knows best how to raise children. A child who has the opportunity to choose between two views of grandmother and mother becomes spoiled, he plays constantly on the weaknesses of adults. The mother-in-law constantly interferes in the personal life of the daughter-in-law, because she feels that she is providing her services all the time.

A comment
To mother-in-law not be obliged, it is necessary to find for her labor the most convenient forms of remuneration. Maybe money, help with housework, gifts, etc., along with it it would be nice to limit the time of sitting mother-in-law with grandchildren at the expense of a kindergarten or nanny. But you need especially strong arguments in order not to offend the feelings of your mother-in-law. For example, the grandmother is very tired, and the child should get used to communicating with his peers. Among other things, they will deal with him.